It’s possible to fake emotional intelligence – like forgeries and knock-offs. But there are 3 ways to spot counterfeit EQ, not just in others but also in yourself. Interacting from a place of emotional intelligence requires empathy, active listening, and self-awareness. But some leaders can counterfeit these emotions so skillfully that they can even fool themselves. Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Ron Carucci, managing partner at Navalent and author of To Be Honest, says, “Our ability to express emotional intelligence is sometimes impaired by unacknowledged, unhealthy, emotional needs." If you want to genuinely communicate emotional intelligence, pay attention to these 3 common imitations:
How would you rate your EQ, as well as the leaders you work with most closely? Are there ways to become even more authentic? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.
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Sometimes you just need one word to change someone’s mind. Jonah Berger, Professor of Marketing at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School, compiled a list of “magic words” that can change the way you communicate. He discovered that using the word “because” while trying to convince someone to do something has a compelling result. He found that more people “will listen to you and do what you want” when you offer a justification for your requests. Berger points to a classic study from Harvard University where researchers sat in a university library and waited for someone to use the copy machine. Then, they walked up and asked to cut in front of the unknowing participant. They phrased their request in three different ways:
Both requests using “because” made the people already making copies more than 50 percent more likely to comply. Interestingly, even the second phrasing — which could be reinterpreted as “May I step in front of you to do the same exact thing you’re doing?” — was effective. The phrasing indicated that the stranger asking for a favor was at least being considerate about it, the study suggested. “Persuasion wasn’t driven by the reason itself,” Berger notes, “It was driven by the power of the word: because.” Have you noticed any reactions when you justify requests with “because”? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. We would love hear about your experience with this one, magic word! Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. What’s the secret to solving unexpected challenges, seizing new opportunities, and building strong cultures? Ask powerful questions! Leaders who assume they have all the answers are either clueless or lying. So writes John Hagel III, in the Harvard Business Review). He describes how leaders who know how to ask great questions build a reservoir of trust and team performance. Here are some effective research-based tips:
Check out our Collaborative Problem Solving Model as a vehicle for bringing teams together to solve meaningful, creative questions central to the team’s work. What is the last big question you asked your team? To join the conversation, click on "comments" above -- we would love to hear about your experiences! Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. While disagreeing may be uncomfortable, research tells us that diverse thinking is far more likely to lead to progress, innovations and breakthroughs than “nice” conversations where people hide what they really think. But how do you foster productive debate on your team? Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Shane Snow, author of Dream Teams: Working Together Without Falling Apart, offers four tips:
How do you keep a debate on track when it seems to be veering? To join the conversation, click "comments" above -- we'd love to hear from you! Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Ever been in a situation where you’re getting resistance to your opinion? Try switching from “you” to “we”. New research from Stanford University reveals how using “you” versus “we” affects how people respond to messages in settings such as online forums and a simulated workplace scenario. Their findings are notable: In adversarial contexts that held the potential for disagreement or conflict, messages that used “you” and “your” were less persuasive, less likely to be shared, and more likely to be censored than ones that employed “we” and “our.” People who participated in the study were also less inclined to interact or engage with the sources of messages that used “you” rather than “we.” “We’re not saying that ‘you’ invariably leads to worse outcomes,” study co-author Mohamed Hussein cautions. “We’re saying that when ‘you’ is used in an adversarial or conflict-ridden context, it has the potential to inadvertently lead to negative consequences.” “We” is more inclusive and lands less aggressively. “Most people would rather talk to a person who says ‘we got this wrong’ than ‘you got this wrong',” says the study’s other co-author, Zakary Tormala. Tormala and Hussein advise that if you’re trying to reach someone with an opposing view, be sure to signal that you are open to their perspective. Managing your pronouns is just one way to do that. What results occur when you change “you” messages to “we” messages? To join the conversation, click on "comments" above -- we'd love to hear from you! Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Tired of people finishing your sentences or cutting your stories or opinions short to interject their own? What can you do about annoying interruptions? For many of us, being interrupted can feel diminishing and condescending, says Maria Venetis, an associate professor of Communication at Rutgers University. Sometimes it’s even “enraging,” she added, “because it suggests that my ideas or my participation aren’t valid.” Interrupters often have, or believe they have, more power, and they’re used to having people defer when they talk. Jancee Dunn, of The New York Times, studied how to handle interruptions at work and in relationships, and offers these suggestions. At work:
In personal relationships:
Who interrupts you the most and how have you tried to correct it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above -- we'd love to hear from you! To find out how to create a habit around masterful communication, signup for our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Are your ideas resonating, or being ignored? Perhaps it’s not the ideas themselves but their delivery. Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Anne Sugar, executive coach for the Harvard Business School Executive Program, offers four strategies you can use to help ensure your ideas resonate.
Have you ever been frustrated with your ideas going unheeded, and what did you do? To join the conversation, click on "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Have you been phubbed lately? “Phubbing" — a mix of “phone” and “snubbing”— is when someone pays more attention to their smartphone than they do to the people with whom they are face to face. Not surprisingly, research has shown that phubbing has a negative impact on relationship satisfaction and can lead to increased conflict. This is especially true with married couples. The good news is that researchers have also determined that effective communication skills can mitigate the impact of phubbing. Those skills include:
We cannot turn back the clock on technology, but phubbing should be seen as a problem. Addressing it by prioritizing face-to-face time and spending that time engaged in positive communication can help contain the potential damage. Have you been phubbed lately? How did it make you feel, and what did you do? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. It may feel momentarily satisfying to complain, vent and kvetch, but research shows these behaviors don't actually help. According to a Stanford University study, 30 minutes of complaining physically damages the hippocampus -- the part of your brain critical to learning, memory, and problem solving -- by peeling back layers of neurons. Unfortunately, that happens whether you're on the giving or receiving end of the venting. Offering a friend a shoulder to cry on may well bring you down rather than cheer your friend up. Even if you set aside the long-term physiological impact, complaining won't even make you feel better in the moment. A study published in the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology found that complaining actually makes you feel worse, both in the moment and for days after. That's because negative emotions are more contagious than positive ones. Moreover, co-ruminating with a friend or colleague won't blow off steam, but rather cement the incident in their mind. But how can you avoid co-ruminating with a friend or colleague? Shift into problem-solving mode! Listen carefully, understand what happened and ask, “What can be done about it?” That's the kind of proactive conversation that will be truly helpful. Has someone vented to you lately and did you proactively handle the situation? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Are you able to have productive conversations with irritable, defensive people or those who profoundly disagree with you? Since this is an incredibly valuable skill for any leader to master, there’s plenty of advice out there. But remembering those tips is hard in the middle of a potentially volatile discussion. To assist in such situations, Harvard conflict management expert Julia Minson offers a simple mnemonic device. Next time you find yourself in a challenging, uncomfortable conversation, remember the acronym H.E.A.R.
No acronym is a cure-all. Still, research shows that learning and deploying the H.E.A.R. approach is worth the effort, if you want to be a person that people want to talk to. Which of the H.E.A.R principles have you used lately? Did it defuse a touchy interaction? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Have you performed a random act of kindness lately? In a study published in the Journal d Experimental Psychology, researchers found that when you perform a random act of kindness it’s easy to underestimate how much the recipient will appreciate it. And that miscalculation holds many of us back from doing nice things for others more often. We know that kindness can boost well-being, writes New York Times reporter Catherine Pearson. But researchers who study the subject hope these new findings will strengthen the scientific case for making these types of gestures more often. “I have found that kindness can be a really hard sell,” said Tara Cousineau, a clinical psychologist, meditation teacher and author of The Kindness Cure: How The Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World. "People desire kindness yet often feel inconvenienced by the thought of being kind.” On the other hand, even the smallest gestures do get noticed. So if you are not already in the habit of performing random kind acts — or they do not come naturally to you — begin by telling people what you appreciate about them. Also consider what you like to do, what skills and talents you have, and how you might turn those into small offerings for other people. How did you feel the last time you performed a small act of kindness, and how did you feel the last time someone did this for you? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Disagreements don’t have to be destructive. In fact, they often present hidden gems for you to innovate and grow. Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Francesca Gino and Hanne K Collins of the Harvard School of Business, and Charles Dorison of Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, offer several evidence-based strategies to make disagreements productive:
Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Research suggests that humor helps us build stronger bonds with each other, with links to greater satisfaction in the workplace. And although there may be times when spirited joke telling strikes the wrong note, a does of levity can be helpful in many situations. “Levity is a mind-set,” says Naomi Bagdonas, a lecturer at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, who advises executives on leading with humor and humanity. “It’s looking for reasons to be delighted rather than disappointed in the world around you.” Like any other skill, a sense of levity can be cultivated. Writing in The New York Times, Carolyn Todd offers suggestions from experts:
Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. Defensiveness is a deterrent to productive communication. As soon as you get your hackles up, a new conversation begins — and this one is all about your reaction! The original topic is derailed. As Debra Roberts, interpersonal communication author, writes in Inc., we can easily spot defensive reactions in others, but it can be harder to spot them in ourselves. We all wear emotional armor and often feel threatened when it is pierced. Defensiveness is a form of self-protection that can present in many forms: Making excuses, ignoring or talking over the other person, criticizing the behavior of the other person, or becoming highly emotional. To curtail defensive reactions:
What do you typically do when you start to feel defensive? If its an over-reaction, do you think you can break the cycle? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. We would love to hear about your experiences! For more details on how to respond non-defensively to criticism, check out our BreakThrough Conflict curriculum. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. These days there is plenty to argue about: Politics, health, money, even the climate. Some say we’re arguing too much; some say we’re not arguing enough. But the real problem is we are not arguing well. Bo Seo, a 28-year-old two-time world debating champion, says the problem of polarization stems from most arguments being “painful and useless… We spend more time vilifying, undermining and nullifying those who oppose us than we do trying to open or change their minds.” In his recent book, Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard, he argues that if more people took their cues from the world of competitive debate, it would be easier to get people to reconsider their views or at least consider those of others. Writing in The New York Times, columnist Pamela Paul outlines some of Seo’s key principles:
Do you think you could have done a better job during a recent argument? What might you have changed? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. We really want to hear about your experiences. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual courses, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. |
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