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How Well Do You Brag?

9/23/2024

Nobody likes a blowhard, but the fear of being an obnoxious bragger may be holding you back...

Talking yourself up has the potential to make your team look impressive, shed light on what it is you do, and maybe even propel you toward a promotion. But many of us are afraid to blow our own horn. Even if someone complements us, we often deflect it, with self-deprecating humor or false humility.

Meredith Fineman, publicist and author of Brag Better, was astounded by how many talented professionals were reluctant to acknowledge their most impressive accomplishments.

Writing in the Wall Street Journal, Rachel Feintzeig offers some tips for overcoming the fear of self-praise:

Don't Fear the “I” Word: We think saying “I”…even once in a while, doesn't make us a good team player. But sometimes the hero of your story really is you. Did you bring in that client? Did you close that deal? It's alright to say so.
Own Your Own Story: How did you do what you did? If you don't tell your story, someone else is likely to make up a different version. You can share the glory, and still talk about your positive impact on the organization, and what you are excited to tackle next.
Drop the humblebrag: Faux humility rarely fools anyone. Research from Harvard Business School found that humblebraggers were seen as less competent and less likable than those who just straight-up boasted. Research co-author Professor Michael Norton said they were also perceived as “dishonest and insincere.”

When was the last time you bragged a little, and how did it feel? To join the conversation, click on "comments" comments below.

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How to Make Conversations Click

9/16/2024

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Research suggests that asking questions that show you're listening is a great way to make conversations click. Since not all questions are equal, here are 3 tips.

Conversations help us forge and deepen connections. And they are essential to our well being. Sometimes, though, we avoid conversations because we fear they may become tedious, awkward, or even confrontational.

Writing in the Journal of the American Psychological Association, Zara Abrams notes that one of the best ways to make conversations click is to ask questions. But be conscious of how you do this:

Avoid answering your own questions: Some people believe that asking a question makes their conversation partner feel included. But not waiting for a reply can actually alienate your listener.

Ask follow up questions: Follow-up questions prove you were paying attention and show your conversation partner that you want to know more. Speed daters who ask more follow-up questions are more likely to get a second date!

A good conversation has a good rhythm: A conversation can be like a dance. It might speed up or slow down, and there may be pauses—like in a tango. Effective listening tends to lead to moments of quiet, and that’s linked to higher satisfaction among participants. When someone responds too quickly to something very thoughtful or personal, or not quickly enough when you were expecting a spirited back-and-forth, they aren’t "dancing" with you in an enjoyable way.

Do you have a go-to conversational style that works for you? And what do you do to show you're listening? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.

Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.

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You Don’t Owe Every Question an Answer

9/9/2024

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Being asked a question does not mean you are required to answer. Here are 4 options to get you off the hook when a question feels invasive.

At some point, we have all been plagued with intrusive questions: Why are you still working? Why don't you have more kids? How come you’re still single? It’s one thing to be curious about someone because you want to understand them but another to pose agenda-laden questions because you want to change them. Scott Shigeoka, a fellow at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and author of Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, calls this “predatory curiosity.”

Writing in The New York Times, Jancee Dunn spoke with him and other experts about how to deflect nosy questions:

You are not obliged to answer: We believe it is a social norm to answer a question if someone asks. But if a question makes you uncomfortable, remember that you do not owe anyone a response.
Keep this phrase in your back pocket: Say simply, “I’d rather not talk about it.” This sets a clear limit and feels less confrontational than “That’s personal.” Then, instead of ending the conversation, just change the subject.
Answer on your own terms – if you answer: If you decide to answer an invasive question, be brief. You can always add, “Let's talk about that anther time.”
The questions may persist, but you can control your reaction: If the question is from someone who genuinely cares about you, be graceful and consider employing humor.

What is your least favorite invasive question and how do you respond to it? To join the conversation, click on "comments" below.

Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning Courses of 2022.

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The Real Secret of Success

9/2/2024

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Have you noticed how many successful people just keep racking up more wins? Here’s the secret to that kind of serial success…

When researchers wanted to test the accuracy of the old adage “success breeds success”, they designed a study that randomly assigned “rewards” to certain subjects. In all scenarios, receiving a modest reward early on “triggered a self-propelling cascade of success” for those participants. The study's author reasoned that when people receive early success, it raises their expectations for future success.

Here’s how that works:

Self-belief: After experiencing initial success (even something as mild as winning a game), people positively reevaluate their own abilities. This subjective self-confidence can play a crucial role in future performance, and contribute to putting identical people on different paths in terms of long-term success.
Status: As a person’s success builds, so does their network and reputation, which easily opens more doors to success. And the work of high-status people can receive greater recognition than work of similar quality by lesser-known people.
Optimism: Everyone fails at some point, but failure is not what inhibits success. A person’s outlook after that failure is what matters. Expectations, optimism, and positive beliefs are powerful drivers of success.

Have you, or someone you know, experienced early success, and how did that impact reputations and fortunes going forward? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.

Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.

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How Well Do You Brag?

How to Make Conversations Click

You Don’t Owe Every Question an Answer

The Real Secret of Success

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How Well Do You Brag?

How to Make Conversations Click

You Don’t Owe Every Question an Answer

The Real Secret of Success

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