Machines do many things well, but they lack social skills (Tweet it!). And research shows that occupations that require strong social skills have grown much more than others since 1980 (http://nyti.ms/2pjFHmj). James Heckman, a Nobel Prize-winning economist, has concluded that non-cognitive skills like character, dependability and perseverance are as important as cognitive achievement. These conclusions have been put into practice. Google researchers, for example, studied the company’s employees to determine what made the best manager. It turned out that technical expertise did not predict elite managers; predictors were actually people who made time for one-on-one meetings, helped employees work through problems, and took an interest in the lives of others. Mr. Deming’s study quantifies these types of skills. Using data about the tasks and abilities that occupations require from a Department of Labor survey called O*NET, he measured the economic return of social skills, after controlling for factors like cognitive skill, years of education and occupation. Jobs requiring social skills grew 24 percent between 1980 and 2012, while jobs requiring repetitive tasks, and analytical tasks that don’t necessarily involve teamwork declined. Deming explains social skills in terms of the economic concept of comparative advantage. “Say two workers are publishing a research paper. If one excels at data analysis and the other at writing, they would be more productive and create a better product if they collaborated. But if they lack interpersonal skills, the cost of working together might be too high to make the partnership productive.” Can you share an example of a time when social skills helped you or a colleague achieve success on the job? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.
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This has been the Year of the Apology, from accounting firm PwC in the aftermath of the Academy Award snafu to Wells Fargo, United Airlines, the White House press secretary, and more. Of course everyone makes mistakes—so much so that the art of saying “I’m sorry” is taught in business schools and managed by pricey consultants. But it's important to make an apology that mitigates the original offense rather than compounding it (http://nyti.ms/2oqTO50). Some advice for those who find themselves needing to say mea culpa (Tweet it!):
Whatever you do, you don't want to have to do it over and over, Ken Sunshine, who founded the public-relations firm Sunshine Sachs, says. “My rule? You get one shot.” What’s the last time you gave or received an apology at work? Do you think it could have been done more skillfully? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion Stress may be pervasive in the workplace, but some simple communication tactics can reduce it (Tweet it!). Writing in The Harvard Business Review, Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business professor Dorie Clark makes three key suggestions: 1. Don’t be Vague: Cryptic messages like ”We need to talk” cause recipients to anticipate the worst. 2. Triage Your Email: Research shows that professionals get an average of 122 emails a day. No, you cannot respond to them all instantly, but do respond to time sensitive ones lest you hold up your colleagues’ progress. 3. Stop hovering: Anyone can choke under pressure. Rather than “watching the kettle boil”, talk with your team to establish timelines and agreed-upon metrics of progress. Then step back and let them shine. You can’t control your team’s behavior, but you can take charge of your own—and in doing so, you can help spread an atmosphere of calm competency. What’s a recent step you actively took to lessen the stress level in your workplace? Did it make a difference? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. Sometimes a simple communication strategy can have a profound effect (Tweet it!). A great example: the art of responding to someone else’s good news. Shelly Gable, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara who has extensively studied marriages and other close relationships, advises that the next time someone you care about shares good news, you should give what she calls an “active constructive response.” For example, instead of saying something passive like, “Oh, that’s nice” she recommends expressing genuine excitement. You might prolong the discussion with praise, by expressing personal pride in the accomplishment, by encouraging the bearer of good news to tell others, or by suggesting a celebration of some kind to mark the occasion. From this simple interaction, love and commitment grow, and according to Gables’ research, even a couple’s sex life improves (http://nyti.ms/2oJOYDT). What’s the last good news someone shared, and how did you react? Were you passive or active, and how did it affect your interaction? To join the conversation, click "comments" below on our Communication Capsule Blog. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. Having a problem with a product or service is frustrating, but calling Customer Service can be maddening. Among the findings of a 2015 “National Customer Rage Study” by Customer Care Measurement & Consulting, companies may be doing things the wrong way. Scott M. Broetzmann, president and CEO of Customer Care, says companies sometimes rely on “disingenuous approaches,” which can be meaningless to customers, to internally measure performance. For example, some call centers require reps to say a customer’s name at least three times during a call. But that’s not how callers measure success! In fact, customers become angry when they feel patronized. Nearly 50 percent of “Rage Survey” respondents found the statement “Your call is important to us, please continue to hold” very annoying, and 17 percent say it should be banned. Runners-up were: “That’s our policy”; “We’re currently assisting other customers”; “Your call will be answered in the order received”; and “Can I get your account information again?” The good news: Callers can improve their odds of a satisfying outcome (Tweet it!). Research recently published in The Journal of Applied Psychology suggested the quality of service received by customers was determined by what customers said to a representative. A few tips:
What techniques do you employ to try to get effective customer service? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. Is having a supportive workplace antithetical to honest, straightforward, no-nonsense feedback? Emma Seppala, Ph.D., Science Director of Stanford’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and author of The Happiness Track, says no. (http://bit.ly/1Ub0egI) “Not only can feedback given in a supportive way be honest, it is immeasurably more effective than blunt criticism in three critical ways: It motivates performance, is less likely to be misinterpreted, and uplifts rather crushes employees,” says Seppala. She offers three research-based suggestions to help managers deliver constructive and candid feedback:
We wholeheartedly agree with Seppala’s bottom line lesson for leaders: “You can be both candid and caring.” What do you do when you want to offer candid criticism while maintaining a positive relationship? To join the conversation, click "comments" below on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. “Increasingly I’m finding that business leaders want the people working around them to be more curious, more cognizant of what they don’t know, and more inquisitive — about everything, including ‘Why am I doing my job the way I do it?’ and ‘How might our company find new opportunities?’” So writes Warren Berger, author of A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas in The New York Times, Berger contends rapid change and uncertainty in business today are causing people to value curiosity and inquiry more than ever (Tweet it!). Even well established companies must anticipate what’s next, and that’s hard to do without asking questions. In researching his book, Berger studied business breakthroughs — including the invention of the Polaroid instant camera and the Nest thermostat as well as the start-ups Netflix, Square, and Airbnb — finding that in each case, someone insightful looked at a current problem and asked how it might be addressed. Companies can encourage employees to ask more questions, but “that’s the easy part.” Berger says leaders must reward good questions and set a standard by asking “Why?” and “What if?” themselves. Can you think of a memorable question that you or someone in your organization asked? What came out of it? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. Most of us profess surprise when we hear our recorded voice—especially if we have not heard it before. We ask: Do I really sound like that? There’s an easy explanation for experiences like this, says William Hartmann, a physics professor at Michigan State University who specializes in acoustics and psychoacoustics. In a recent New York Times article, Professor Hartman explained that while we perceive our own voice as we perceive most other sounds (via sound traveling through air), we also perceive it internally—because our vocal chords vibrate. “The effect of this is to emphasize lower frequencies, and that makes the voice sound deeper and richer to yourself,” he said. Hartman added that other factors influence the way vibrations of the voice could travel to the brain, including interaction with cerebrospinal fluid, the clear liquid that sits within the brain and spine, and variations in sound pressure in the ear canal. This variety of routes would naturally “introduce variation in how people perceive their own voices.” Like it or not, your voice sounds different to others (Tweet it!). Those who speak in any kind of public forum can especially benefit from listening to how it sounds “in real life.” Verbal tone, pitch and volume are among the many nonverbal factors that impact how our messages are perceived! Have you ever been surprised by the sound of your own recorded voice? What surprised you, and did you do anything to try to alter the way you speak as a result? To join the conversation, click "comments" below on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion In the heat of conflict, eight out of ten people often misunderstand the context of the argument, says psychologist Nicholas Epley in the 2016 book, Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Feel, Believe and Want. Writing on LinkedIn, Dr. Jennifer Beaman, founder of the Association for Leadership Practitioners, says that since the neurotransmitters in our brains go a little haywire during conflict, we need to protect ourselves from impulsivity (Tweet it!). She suggests we manage conflict as though practicing mushin—“a tactic in samurai warfare that in essence, means ‘still center’…the ability to stay calm, read your opponent, and attempt to redirect his aggression in a more productive way.” Among the strategies she recommends:
“Remember to let the other party save face,” says Dr. Brennan. “Workplace relationships are worth preserving (most of the time).” Have you ever misunderstood the nature of a conflict while you were in the thick of it? Or have you ever felt misunderstood during conflict? What might you do to center yourself in the future? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. “An overwhelming majority of the bad decisions I’ve made in my life were impulsive. They weren’t errors of faulty logic or ineffective deliberation. They were avoidable mistakes in moments when I was unwilling or unable to manage potent negative emotions. Likewise, the most consequential progress I’ve made in my development as a leader has been not in professional but in emotional competence.” So writes Joseph Grenny, bestselling author of such books as Crucial Conversations and Influencer, in Harvard Business Review. We all experience negative emotions; it’s what we do with them that matters (Tweet it!). Grenny recommends these four steps: Own the emotion: Don’t blame anyone else for what you feel; we generate our own emotions, regardless of stimulus. Name the Story: Recognize if you have cast yourself in the role of victim, villain, or helpless one. Challenge the Story – Once you identify your self-imposed role you can ask yourself questions that expose it for the fable it is. Find Your Primal Story – Become aware of habitual scripts that may have dogged you since childhood (e.g. the bullied child) and counter them with opposing messages. Have you ever made a bad decision in the grips of a negative emotion? What do you do to handle yourself when negative emotions arise? Do you see areas for improvement with regard to rewards and incentives? To join the conversation, click "comments" below on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion As more people travel around the globe with increasing regularity, making the right first impression begins at “Hello.” Note that greeting practices remain localized, rather than globalized (Tweet it!). Writing in The New York Times’ “What In the World” column far-flung journalist Andrew Jacobs offers some valuable tips:
We want to hear: What greeting customs have you noticed in your travels? Have they ever caught you by surprise? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. Based on decades of social science research, the book Give and Take by Professor Adam Grant, organizational psychology professor at the Wharton School of Business, divides the workplace world into three types of people—givers, matchers, and takers (Tweet it!). Givers give without expectation of immediate gain, sharing credit and mentoring generously. Matchers give when they think they will get something of equal value in return and give to people who they think can help them. Takers seek to come out ahead, managing up and defending their turf. Most people he surveyed fall into the matcher category — but givers, Grant says, “are overrepresented at both ends of the spectrum of success: they are the doormats who go nowhere or burn out, and they are the stars whose giving motivates them or distinguishes them as leaders.” The most successful givers, Grant explains, are those who rate high in concern for others but also in self-interest (Tweet it!). Strategic in their giving, they give to other givers and matchers, but are cautious about giving to takers for fear of being exploited. Successful givers give in ways that reinforce their social ties; and they consolidate their giving into chunks, so that the impact is intense enough to be gratifying. (Grant incorporates his field’s findings into his own life, meeting with students four and a half hours in one day rather than spreading meetings over the week because a study found that consolidating giving yields more happiness.) We want to hear: Do you consider yourself a “giver?” If so, what might you do to make your giving more successful? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. Psychology has provided much evidence that our partisan identities, such as whether we are Republicans or Democrats, distort our interpretations of reality (Tweet it!). But this selective perception phenomenon is not limited to the political arena. In one classic social psychology study researchers found that college football fans from Princeton and Dartmouth had strikingly different memories about the facts of a game between the two schools. When each school’s newspaper reported its own very different version of the game, researchers hypothesized that rival fans at the game saw it differently. As it turned out, Princeton students recalled the Dartmouth team had committed many more fouls, while Dartmouth students thought both teams were equally responsible. This is an example of how a partisan lens colors memory. Additional research by Jay Van Bavel, a professor of psychology at New York University, shows that our partisan biases can even color how we taste, see, hear, feel and smell (Tweet it!). We can’t help being partisan to some extent, but we can subject our selective perceptions to checks and balances by exposing ourselves to different worldviews, and by verifying what we think we know via fact-checking. We want to hear: Have you noticed that your view of reality diverges from that of others in your life? What trusted sources do you use to verify facts? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. Haha! Observational studies show that 80 percent of laughter is less than fully genuine. Real laugher, which evolved since prehistoric times as a primal signal of safety, is bonding behavior -- and produces a mild euphoria as a result of released endorphins. So called “fake laugher” activates different neural pathways, and is often used strategically. Sometimes we “fake laugh” to ease social situations that may be stilted or uncomfortable (Tweet it!). According to a recent New York Times article, “We have probably all laughed on occasions when someone said something weird, vaguely insulting or just confusing. It’s an almost reflexive ruse so you can move through the awkward moment and perhaps allow the other person to save face.” “Your average person is pretty good at fake laughing in certain circumstances,” said Greg Bryant, a UCLA cognitive psychologist who studies laughter vocalization and interpretation. “It’s like when people say, ‘I’m not a good liar,’ but everyone is a good liar if they have to be.” Is laughing at inappropriate comments always the wisest thing to do? (Tweet it!) Jane Yates, a psychoanalyst who teaches at the Emory University Psychoanalytic Institute says maybe not, because it can encourage “the bad or clueless behavior that preceded it.” She recommends instead of laughing, filling the dead air following an unwanted or inept comment with something neutral like, “Well, then,” or, “Hmmm.” But that takes a good deal of self-awareness to pull off, she added, since many people are unconscious of their own forced levity. We want to hear: Do you ever notice yourself “fake laughing”? What are your motives for doing so? To join the conversation, click "comments" below on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion This New Year, consider making a resolution to practice 12 months of conscious, healthy communication. Most people navigate through important moments of communication on automatic pilot, reacting from emotion rather than intention. But we can transform our relationships by getting off autopilot and being proactive with positive communication. As communication researchers and partners in work and marriage for almost 45 years, we’ve experienced both the joy and challenge of personal and business communication and we’ve found some simple steps to resolving conflict and building trust in relationships:
Confronting issues is never an easy matter, but avoidance can be hazardous not just to our relationships, but also to our own health. Here’s wishing you a happy, healthy, communicative 2017! We want to hear. Do you have a New Year’s resolution that could lead to stronger communication? To join the conversation, click "comments" below on our Community of Practice Forum. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion. |
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