One Question That Can Actually Change Someone’s Mind

Most of us respond by pushing harder: more data, more reasoning, more “Here’s why you’re wrong.”  Research says that’s exactly when people dig in deeper.

So, what does work?
Two studies found that when people were asked to elaborate on why they hold a belief, something surprising happened:
• They viewed the other person more positively.
• They became more open-minded.
• They made more generous assumptions about people who share the opposing view.
• Even the question-asker became more open to the other perspective.
 
In other words, curiosity doesn’t just soften the other person — it softens you, too!  This isn’t just a Stanford thing.  Research from the University of Haifa shows that high-quality listening reduces prejudice and increases people’s willingness to reconsider their stance.  Cognitive scientist Thalia Wheatley says curiosity creates “common ground across brains,” simply by asking, “What do you think?”

Why it works
Curiosity signals intellectual humility.  It tells the other person: I’m not here to win — I’m here to understand.  That shift changes the entire emotional climate of a conversation. Defensiveness drops.  Openness rises.  And suddenly, the impossible feels possible.

Where to start
Next time you’re in disagreement, try one of these:
• “I’m interested — can you tell me more about how you came to that view?”
• “What experiences led you to see it that way?”
• “Help me understand your perspective a little better.”
 
Not every viewpoint deserves equal airtime — some are harmful or dehumanizing.  But in most everyday disagreements, curiosity opens doors that arguments slam shut.  So, how do you handle disagreements? And what’s one way you could improve? 

Join our BreakThrough Communication® + membership experience: Transform learning into living.

---