You Don’t Owe Every Question an Answer

Being asked a question does not mean you are required to answer. Here are 4 options to get you off the hook when a question feels invasive.

At some point, we have all been plagued with intrusive questions:   Why are you still working?  Why don't you have more kids?  How come you’re still single?  It’s one thing to be curious about someone because you want to understand them but another to pose agenda-laden questions because you want to change them.  Scott Shigeoka, a fellow at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and author of Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, calls this “predatory curiosity.” 
 
Writing in The New York Times, Jancee Dunn spoke with him and other experts about how to deflect nosy questions:

• You are not obliged to answer:  We believe it is a social norm to answer a question if someone asks. But if a question makes you uncomfortable, remember that you do not owe anyone a response.
• Keep this phrase in your back pocket: Say simply, “I’d rather not talk about it.” This sets a clear limit and feels less confrontational than “That’s personal.” Then, instead of ending the conversation, just change the subject.
• Answer on your own terms – if you answer: If you decide to answer an invasive question, be brief. You can always add, “Let's talk about that anther time.”
• The questions may persist, but you can control your reaction: If the question is from someone who genuinely cares about you, be graceful and consider employing humor. 

What is your least favorite invasive question and how do you respond to it?  To join the conversation, click on "comments" below.

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