Accepting Negative Feedback

We all enjoy positive feedback, but negative feedback…not so much. Still, as we have long said, negative feedback is an incredibly valuable way to learn when we are doing things where our intention and impact don't match up. (Tweet it!) Nevertheless, we may reflexively become defensive when we get feedback that doesn’t jive with the story we tell ourselves.
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Writing in The Harvard Business Review, executive coach Peter Bregman, author of Leading With Emotional Courage, listed some of the most common things we say, or think, to defend against feedback that threatens the way we see ourselves. Among them:

•  “Yes, that’s true but it’s not my fault.” (Playing the victim)
• “I don't do that.” (Denying)
• “There are lots of examples of me acting differently.” (Countering)
• “I may have done this, but you did that.” (Attacking)
• “That’s not the real issue.” (Deflecting)

“If you ever notice yourself saying, or thinking, any of the above, it’s a clear sign that your ego is getting in the way of an important learning,” says Bregman. As a simple, reliable, default response, he suggests, “I really appreciate you taking the time and the effort to tell me. Thank you.” This lets people know it is safe to give you feedback, and makes them more likely to talk to you rather than to talk about you to others.

How did you respond the last time someone gave you negative feedback? Do you wish you had done anything differently? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs. 

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