This New Year, consider making a resolution to practice 12 months of conscious, healthy communication. Most people navigate through important moments of communication on automatic pilot, reacting from emotion rather than intention. But we can transform our relationships by getting off autopilot and being proactive with positive communication.

As communication researchers and partners in work and marriage for almost 45 years, we’ve experienced both the joy and challenge of personal and business communication and we’ve found some simple steps to resolving conflict and building trust in relationships:

• Listen when your impulse is to argue
  
• Edit accusations that might make someone feel put down, and instead describe your feelings.
• If you have a grievance, pinpoint details with specific examples.
• Acknowledge your role in any problem.
• Reach explicit, collaborative solutions that specify what each person will do differently in the future.

Confronting issues is never an easy matter, but avoidance can be hazardous not just to our relationships, but also to our own health.

Here’s wishing you a happy, healthy, communicative 2016!

We want to hear. Do you have a New Year’s resolution that could lead to stronger communication?  To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

In October 2015, a robot took center stage at a Wall Street Journal Live event in Laguna Beach California. Pepper, one of the first robots with the ability to identify and respond to emotions, can discern the difference between happy and sad, responding with appropriate body language. Already “employed” by thousands of businesses in Japan, the amazing Pepper has a trick for differentiating between an encounter with a human versus, say, a piece of furniture. The difference is: humans smile.

The “science of smiling” was first discussed by Charles Darwin, who pointed out that while many other nonverbal behaviors, like gestures, differ between cultures—and are probably learned—smiling is innate to human beings. Babies born blind smile like sighted infants, and all infants learn early that while their crying garners adult attention, smiling keeps it.

The moral:  if you want to engage the attention of people—or robots!—smile.  Best of all, at least when it comes to people, smiling creates what psychologists call a “virtuous circle”. Smiling gets reciprocated and, in social groups, can be contagious.

Certain businesses, like the service and entertainment industries, encourage employees to smile so that it becomes a natural part of their work activity. And we can all remind ourselves to smile more. It is a relatively easy habit to adopt, because it yields quick and immediate rewards.

We want to hear. Do you notice how you respond differently to people who smile at you? Do you consciously try to smile more when you are trying to engage customers or others?  To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

For the third year in a row, leadership registered as one of the most pressing talent challenges faced by global organizations. Nearly 9 out of 10 global HR and business leaders (86%) cited leadership as a top issue, as noted in Deloitte’s 2015 Global Human Capital Trends survey report. Half of all respondents rated their leadership shortfalls as “very important.” And only 6% of organizations believe their leadership pipeline is “very ready.”


 
Why the leadership shortfall?  According to Deloitte Insights,
 

• Many organizations fail to invest enough in leadership training;

 

• Many companies limit leadership training to a select few employees;

 

• Many fail to realize that a robust leadership pipeline needs to be maintained at all levels.

 
Organizations will only begin to close the leadership gap with consistency and commitment. Leaders who inspire and innovate, who communicate their vision effectively, and who know how to listen and respond thoughtfully rather than react precipitously, are created through training and experience. People are not born as leaders, and without an investment in them, other investments won’t matter much.

We want to hear. What is your organization doing to train and retain effective leaders? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

Within fractions of a second, in a phenomenon that psychologists call “thin slicing”, we make evaluations about various characteristics of people we meet.  One of those characteristics is intelligence. A moment is, obviously, too short a time to hold an in-depth discussion, so on what are our “gut feelings” based? 
 
One key factor affecting our first impressions about intelligence is eye contact. A 2007 study led by Loyola Marymount University professor Nora A. Murphy found that looking your conversation partner in the eye had an enormous impact on your perceived smartness. 
 
Speaking expressively is another factor that influences people to think you are bright. Opinions offered in a monotone, no matter how brilliant, might not impress. But varying your tone and volume will serve you well—especially if you maintain eye contact while you do it! This research intrigued us because we have been teaching these skill sets for years in our course on persuasive presentations. Interesting to discover how important they are in interpersonal influence as well.
 
We want to hear. What criteria do you think you use to determine if someone is intelligent? Do you actively try to manage people’s perceptions of your own intelligence—and how so? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

According to the new Achievers 2015 workplace report, The Greatness Gap: The State of Employee Disengagement, slightly more than half of some 800 employees surveyed in the USA and UK are unhappy at work.
 
Among key findings in North America:

• 61% of employees don't know their company's mission
• 57% of employees are not motivated by their company's mission
• 60% of employees don't know their company's vision
• 61% of employees don't know their organization's cultural values
• 57% of employees don't feel recognized for their progress at work

 
In short, employees are often in the dark about their companies’ goals and their own value.  Not surprisingly, about half of all those surveyed say they expect to be in a new job a year from now.
 
Of course, much of the workplace malaise that drives people to quit could be solved by a healthy dose of communication. For example, the majority of those surveyed desired feedback several times a year, with many opting for once a month. Yet about 15 % only received it once a year and nearly 20 % said they never received feedback!  If leaders would simply check in with those they lead, think how much ground could be gained.
 
We want to hear. How often do you get performance feedback at work and, ideally, how often would you like it? If there is a gap between these two, does that gap affect your likelihood to stay with your employer? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.