 Do you enjoy casual bonds with people at your gym, with other parents at your kids’ soccer games, or perhaps with your mail carrier or dental hygienist? Sociologist Mark Granovetter calls these low-stakes relationships “weak” ties, and research by Granovetter and others shows they can have a positive impact on our well-being. They help us feel more connected to other social groups and our community at large, causing us to feel less lonely and more empathic. The mini-network aspect of casual ties can also lead to useful recommendations that help simplify our lives (as in, “Hey do you know a good hair stylist or dry cleaner?”)
In short, the more casual ties we have, the happier we are. But some of us don't make the small investment necessary to cultivate such ties. “A lot of us think it’s not worth our time to have those kinds of interactions, that they can’t possibly provide any meaning,” says Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Essex. “We’re focused on whatever is next and we don’t stop and take that second to enjoy the moment.” Taking a few minutes to engage with people we see regularly at places we frequent will increase life satisfaction. So, give yourself permission to talk to familiar faces, and manage your expectations. If you expect the conversation to be enjoyable, it probably will be. (Tweet it!) Would you say you have numerous casual ties in your community? In what ways do you find they enhance your life? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.
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 “In the future, there will be two kinds of people in the world: Those who let their attention and lives be controlled and coerced by others, and those who proudly call themselves ‘indistractable.’”
(Tweet it!) So says Nir Eyal, an instructor at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business and author of Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. According to Eyal, the best thing we can do to raise children of the second type is to teach them how to limit their screen time. Empowering kids with the autonomy to control their own time means helping them to learn to monitor their own behavior.
Do you limit your kids’ screen time, and how do you do so? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  “You don’t have to overcome your fear in order to be a good public speaker. It never goes away entirely. Instead, it’s about having less fear — think of it as being fear-less.” So say Mark Banchek, CEO of Shift Thinking, and Mandy Gonzales, a star of Hamilton on Broadway, writing in the Harvard Business Review. Both Gonzales and Banchek are used to facing audiences in high stakes situations but, even with all their experience, neither has ever found a way to purge all fear. However, they offer some tips on how to keep fear from getting in the way of delivering a first-rate performance:
Finally, it’s easier to be fear-less together. Find people who help you feel that way —and help each other to be prepared, real, vulnerable, present, and generous. (Tweet it!) What are your strategies for dealing with the natural anxieties that accompany public speaking? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  What makes a leader effective? To identify these traits, Dr. Susan Giles, an organizational scientist, executive coach, and leadership development consultant recently completed the first round of a study of 195 leaders in 15 countries over 30 global organizations. Participants were asked to choose the 15 most important leadership characteristics, and Giles grouped the top ones into five major themes:
While these traits may not surprise you, Giles points out that each can be difficult to master. It's not easy to delegate, to admit mistakes, to change course, to take risks, or, occasionally, to fail. But those who do so win trust, respect and loyalty—all invaluable commodities. (Tweet it!) What other traits of effective leaders do you think should be added to this list? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Knowing how to do a job is important, but it’s critical to approach a new job with the right mindset. Many bosses assume the conversations they have during the hiring interview process are sufficient. However, Inc. columnist Jeff Haden says they aren’t.
Here are four things that, according to Haden, great bosses communicate on an employee's first day to make sure that person gets off to a strong and focused start:
In short, new employees need to know not only what they will do, but also why they will do it. How does your organization orient new employees? Are these messages successfully conveyed? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Leaders want to be trusted by those they lead, but creating trust—or reestablishing lost trust—isn’t always straightforward. Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman, respectively the CEO and president of Zenger/Folkman, a leadership development consultancy, examined data from the 360 assessments of 87,000 leaders, and identified three key pillars that often form the foundation for trust:
Which of these is most important? Zengler and Folkman also designed an experiment where they separated leaders into high and low levels on each of these three pillars and then measured the level of trust. Their analysis showed that, while highly trusted leaders are above average in all three areas, positive relationships had the most significant impact. People want their leaders to be able to generate cooperation, resolve conflict, give helpful feedback, and balance results with concern for others. (Tweet it!) Which of these three elements of trust do you consider yourself strongest in? Which do you value the most in your own leaders? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Contemporary work environments inundate people with a relentless stream of texts, emails, meetings, video conferences, and other distractions. The onslaught of information can be overwhelming and counterproductive. For example, research led by Stanford University professor Clifford Nass concluded that distractions reduce the brain’s ability to filter out irrelevancy in its working memory.
There is no single solution to the complex problems of the information age. But one good place to start is solitude, says Mike Erwin, Assistant Professor in Leadership & Psychology at West Point and author of Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude. Erwin and co-author Ray Ketledge define solitude as “a state of mind, a space in which to focus one’s own thoughts without distraction — and where the mind can work through a problem on its own.” They suggest building periods of solitude into your workday, even if for only 15 minutes at a time. “If we spend our entire workday sitting in meetings and answering emails, it leaves little space in our minds to do the hard thinking that is essential to good decision making and leadership.” (Tweet it!) They also suggest blocking time-sucking websites and social media sites during work hours, and creating a “stop doing” list (i.e. reflect on where your time is best spent, and decide which meetings you could skip, which committees you could step down from, and which invitations you might decline). Says Erwin, “Opportunities to focus are still all around us. But we must recognize them and believe that the benefit of focus, for yourself and the people you lead, is worth making it a priority in your life.” When was the last time you enjoyed some solitude? What were the effects? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  In many organizations, leadership readiness is measured in part by what people say in meetings. Allison Shapira, who teaches “The Arts of Communication” at the Harvard Kennedy School, contends that, “How we speak off the cuff can have a bigger impact on our career trajectory than our presentations or speeches, because every single day we have an opportunity to make an impact.” (Tweet it!)
Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Shapira offers three strategies for speaking up effectively:
But, warns Shapira, there are situations where speaking up is not the right course. Don't speak to show off, or if your comments would be better received in a one-on-one situation, or if you are trying to empower someone else on your team to contribute. Are you reluctant to speak up in meetings unless you are formally presenting? Have you tried any of these techniques? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  We know certain people seem personally magnetic. We say they are charismatic, yet charisma itself is hard to quantify. A recent New York Times article cites Olivia Fox Cabane, author of the book The Charisma Myth, who boils charismatic behavior down to three pillars.
If this sounds like a tough trifecta to cultivate, keep this in mind: “The most charismatic people you know on a personal level have generally achieved a high level of success in only one, or perhaps two, of these traits. A rare few, though, show a mastery of all three.” If you're looking for a starting point to cultivate charisma, John Antonakis, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Lausanne in Switzerland, suggests storytelling. (Tweet it!) The most magnetic people in a room, he says, are those who use anecdotes and analogies, embellishing points with facial gestures, energetic body language and vocal inflections. There is nothing like a good story, well told, to keep people engaged. What traits do the most charismatic people you know share? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  In the modern world, persuasion is an integral business skill—for entrepreneurs, salespeople, job candidates, politicians, and leaders of people and projects. We have long said that one of the greatest masters of the art of persuasion lived thousands of years ago. The great Aristotle shared his secrets in his classic Rhetoric. And recently, Harvard instructor Carmine Gallo, author of Five Stars: The Communication Secrets to Get from Good to Great, summarized a number of them in the Harvard Business Review:
Whether or not you are familiar with Aristotle, do you find you use any of these techniques when you try to persuade? Which do you find most effective? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  The social component of any new job is important. And research shows that building camaraderie at work can promote health and harmony. However, it can be tricky to navigate personal questions from new co-workers. Writing in The New York Times Allie Volpe notes that even “seemingly innocuous icebreakers, can have an impact on how your colleagues perceive you.” Some advice from experts:
How do you handle personal queries on the job? Have you ever had to creatively dodge an inappropriate question? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Nearly everyone has run into manipulative co-workers. And sometimes those manipulators rise through the ranks quickly. They can give the appearance of productivity even if their tactics cause others to be stressed and less productive. Liz Kislik, an organizational coach who teaches at NYU and Hofstra University, offers these strategies for dealing with manipulators, “even if you have less rank, power, or status”:
Have you encountered a manipulative person in your workplace, and how have you protected yourself around that person? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  We humans have a hunger to be listened to—and the very process of talking about ourselves releases the feel-good hormone, dopamine. So, all in all, it’s no surprise that many of us blab on from time to time. (Tweet it!) But how do we know when we’re talking too much? Marc Goulston M.D., a business psychiatrist and author of Just Listen, shared a technique he learned from Marty Nemko of San Francisco’s NPR affiliate. It’s called the Traffic Light Rule: “In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person. But…the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds—now the risk is increasing that the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded. At the 40-second mark, your light is red.” But take note: even 20 seconds of talking can be a turn-off if a speaker doesn’t include the other person in the conversation. Don’t filibuster: Ask questions, try to build on what they say, and look for ways to include them in the conversation. Aim for “a genuine dialogue instead of a diatribe.” Consider using your first 20 seconds to create enough interest that the other person asks you follow up questions. Have a story you want to share? Practice telling it in your mind until you have it crisp and focused. Have you ever timed your average talk time? Does it exceed 20 seconds? Do you find yourself starting to lose interest after someone else speaks for 20 seconds? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Coworkers can be irritating…maybe sometimes infuriating. But even if we feel justifiably angry with someone who casts unwarranted blame on us or undermines our objectives, angry outbursts at work almost always backfire—and rarely solve the problems that incited them. Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Peter Bregman, CEO of Bregman Partners and author of Leading With Emotional Courage, says you can “outsmart” your next angry outburst by asking yourself these four questions before communicating:
What techniques do you use to restrain yourself from an angry outburst? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  If you’re looking for signs that a married couple is about to split, “not talking” is a better indicator than “fighting a lot.” The same is true at work. Disagreements can actually be productive, whereas fear of conflict and a “culture of silence” can eat away at your company. Unfortunately, says Shane Snow, author of Dream Teams: Working Together Without Falling Apart, most of us don't disagree productively. Busy trying to “win”, we ignore logic and evidence that gets in our way. However, he contends, we can change this dynamic, exchange diverse ideas, and argue for and against the merits of those ideas, by training people to adopt key habits:
Do you and your co-workers abide by such rules when issues are debated? If so, which do you find the most useful? If not, which ones do you most wish could be implemented? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs. |
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