 We know certain people seem personally magnetic. We say they are charismatic, yet charisma itself is hard to quantify. A recent New York Times article cites Olivia Fox Cabane, author of the book The Charisma Myth, who boils charismatic behavior down to three pillars.
If this sounds like a tough trifecta to cultivate, keep this in mind: “The most charismatic people you know on a personal level have generally achieved a high level of success in only one, or perhaps two, of these traits. A rare few, though, show a mastery of all three.” If you're looking for a starting point to cultivate charisma, John Antonakis, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Lausanne in Switzerland, suggests storytelling. (Tweet it!) The most magnetic people in a room, he says, are those who use anecdotes and analogies, embellishing points with facial gestures, energetic body language and vocal inflections. There is nothing like a good story, well told, to keep people engaged. What traits do the most charismatic people you know share? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.
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 In the modern world, persuasion is an integral business skill—for entrepreneurs, salespeople, job candidates, politicians, and leaders of people and projects. We have long said that one of the greatest masters of the art of persuasion lived thousands of years ago. The great Aristotle shared his secrets in his classic Rhetoric. And recently, Harvard instructor Carmine Gallo, author of Five Stars: The Communication Secrets to Get from Good to Great, summarized a number of them in the Harvard Business Review:
Whether or not you are familiar with Aristotle, do you find you use any of these techniques when you try to persuade? Which do you find most effective? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  The social component of any new job is important. And research shows that building camaraderie at work can promote health and harmony. However, it can be tricky to navigate personal questions from new co-workers. Writing in The New York Times Allie Volpe notes that even “seemingly innocuous icebreakers, can have an impact on how your colleagues perceive you.” Some advice from experts:
How do you handle personal queries on the job? Have you ever had to creatively dodge an inappropriate question? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Nearly everyone has run into manipulative co-workers. And sometimes those manipulators rise through the ranks quickly. They can give the appearance of productivity even if their tactics cause others to be stressed and less productive. Liz Kislik, an organizational coach who teaches at NYU and Hofstra University, offers these strategies for dealing with manipulators, “even if you have less rank, power, or status”:
Have you encountered a manipulative person in your workplace, and how have you protected yourself around that person? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  We humans have a hunger to be listened to—and the very process of talking about ourselves releases the feel-good hormone, dopamine. So, all in all, it’s no surprise that many of us blab on from time to time. (Tweet it!) But how do we know when we’re talking too much? Marc Goulston M.D., a business psychiatrist and author of Just Listen, shared a technique he learned from Marty Nemko of San Francisco’s NPR affiliate. It’s called the Traffic Light Rule: “In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person. But…the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds—now the risk is increasing that the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded. At the 40-second mark, your light is red.” But take note: even 20 seconds of talking can be a turn-off if a speaker doesn’t include the other person in the conversation. Don’t filibuster: Ask questions, try to build on what they say, and look for ways to include them in the conversation. Aim for “a genuine dialogue instead of a diatribe.” Consider using your first 20 seconds to create enough interest that the other person asks you follow up questions. Have a story you want to share? Practice telling it in your mind until you have it crisp and focused. Have you ever timed your average talk time? Does it exceed 20 seconds? Do you find yourself starting to lose interest after someone else speaks for 20 seconds? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Coworkers can be irritating…maybe sometimes infuriating. But even if we feel justifiably angry with someone who casts unwarranted blame on us or undermines our objectives, angry outbursts at work almost always backfire—and rarely solve the problems that incited them. Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Peter Bregman, CEO of Bregman Partners and author of Leading With Emotional Courage, says you can “outsmart” your next angry outburst by asking yourself these four questions before communicating:
What techniques do you use to restrain yourself from an angry outburst? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  If you’re looking for signs that a married couple is about to split, “not talking” is a better indicator than “fighting a lot.” The same is true at work. Disagreements can actually be productive, whereas fear of conflict and a “culture of silence” can eat away at your company. Unfortunately, says Shane Snow, author of Dream Teams: Working Together Without Falling Apart, most of us don't disagree productively. Busy trying to “win”, we ignore logic and evidence that gets in our way. However, he contends, we can change this dynamic, exchange diverse ideas, and argue for and against the merits of those ideas, by training people to adopt key habits:
Do you and your co-workers abide by such rules when issues are debated? If so, which do you find the most useful? If not, which ones do you most wish could be implemented? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  It’s understandable to want to delay, or even avoid, difficult conversations—especially if you dread conflict. But doing so can actually damage relationships. Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Joel Garfinkel, author of Difficult Conversations, Practical Tactics for Crucial Conversation, offers this advice for making tough conversations more palatable:
Have you initiated a difficult conversation? What strategies did you use, and how did they affect the outcome? Did the relationship improve afterward? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Anywhere from 25 to 50 percent of Americans feel lonely much of the time, writes Kasley Killam in Scientific American. This puts them at risk for developing a range of physical and mental ailments, from heart disease, cancer, and diabetes to cognitive decline and depression. (Tweet it!)
Loneliness is a public health problem, but at the individual level, Killam, who drives community engagement in health research for Project Baseline at Verily and is a World Economic Forum Global Shaper, says we can take action to counter loneliness. One strategy is to volunteer. In a recent survey of over 10,000 people in the UK two-thirds reported that volunteering helped them feel less isolated. Similarly, a 2018 study of nearly 6,000 people across the US examined widows who, unsurprisingly, felt lonelier than married adults. After starting to volunteer for two or more hours per week, their average level of loneliness subsided to match that of married adults, even after controlling for demographics, personality traits, and other variables. These benefits may be especially strong the older you are and the more often you volunteer. Volunteering can obviously provide the opportunity to make new friends and feel a sense of belonging. But it can also compensate for the loss of meaning that commonly occurs with loneliness. (Research using the UCLA Loneliness Scale and Meaning in Life Questionnaire has shown that more loneliness is associated with less meaning.) Volunteering for causes that are important to us engenders a sense of purpose, which is tied to psychological well-being. If you volunteer, can you describe the impact volunteering has on your frame of mind and on your relationships? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Debate and disagreements at work are productive; fighting is not. (Click to Tweet!) Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Annie McKee, senior fellow at the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education and author of How to be Happy at Work, says, “We each bring our own baggage to work each day. And, some of our issues rear their heads again and again.”
Topping McKee’s list of sources of work conflict are personal insecurity (fear of admitting we are imperfect), the desire for power and control (attempting to position oneself above others), and habitual victimhood (relinquishing control to avoid accountability). What can we do about conflict at work? McKee suggests the following:
What causes fighting in your workplace? Do you think you can play a role in transforming it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki has researched what he calls “positive conformity.” In his research, he notes, “participants who believed others were more generous became more generous themselves.” This suggests, “kindness is contagious, and that it can cascade across people, taking on new forms along the way.” (Tweet it!)
Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Bill Taylor, co-founder of Fast Company, says, “Zaki’s insight is vital for improving society, but it applies to companies too.” However, instead of treating kindness as a “directive,” he suggests treating it like a contagion and creating “the conditions under which everybody catches it.” Taylor cites a case study detailing customer service transformation at Mercedes Benz USA. When Stephen Cannon became president and CEO, he understood that almost every customer transaction “came down to a personal encounter with a human being in a dealership who could either act in ways that were memorable or could act the rote way most people in most dealerships act.” He set about creating a grassroots movement to encourage and empower customer-facing employees to rise to any occasion. “There was one dealer who’d closed a sale and noticed from the documents that it was the customer’s birthday. So he ordered a cake, and when the customer came in to pick up the car, had a celebration. Then there was the customer who got a flat tire on the way to her son’s graduation. She pulled into a Mercedes dealership in a panic and explained the problem. Unfortunately, there were no replacement tires in stock for her model. The service manager ran to the showroom, jacked up a new car, removed one of its tires, and sent the mother on her way.” Taylor believes that this bottom-up, peer-to-peer commitment to customers at Mercedes-Benz USA is “a reminder for leaders in all sorts of fields: You can’t order people to be kind, but you can spark a kindness contagion.” Can you share an instance of kindness in your organization that sparked others to act similarly? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  We all complain at times. Some just do it more often than others. Some seek attention by complaining; some use complaints to badger others; but many complainers are ruminators, repetitively worrying about problems.
Repetition, however, is the mother of all learning. When we repeatedly focus on the negative by complaining, we’re firing and re-firing the neurons responsible for the negativity bias—and, as Rick Hanson, a neuroscientist and author of Buddha’s Brain, reminds us: What gets fired, gets wired. In other words, the more we complain, the more we notice things to complain about. (Click to Tweet!) Thanks to something called “neuroplasticity”, negative habits change our brains for the worse. But positive habits change them for the better. If you find yourself caught in a complaining loop, try breaking it by:
Have you ever noticed that complaining usually leads to more of a negative outlook? What happens when you try to break the cycle? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  It’s not easy to reign yourself in while in the grips of anger. This is particularly true for children, whose brains—and self-control abilities—are still developing. The answer? Instead of punishment, try rehearsal. (Tweet it!)
Lisa Feldman Barrett, a psychologist at Northeastern University who studies how emotions work, says there's a big misconception that you can effortlessly stop yourself when you're already mad. But, she adds, "if you practice cultivating a different emotion or a different response when you're calm and peaceful, you have a better chance of managing your anger in those hot-button moments." The anthropologist, Jean Briggs, lived for a time in the Canadian Arctic with the Inuit people, known for valuing gentleness and even-temperedness. Briggs observed how this value was cultivated in that culture. When an Inuit child acted in anger, perhaps hitting someone or throwing a tantrum, there was no scolding, punishment, or time outs. Instead, the parents waited for a tranquil moment and put on a little drama. The parent would reenact what happened when the child misbehaved, including the consequences of that behavior. During the drama, the parent always kept a light, playful tone. Within the context of the play, the child had to think what to do; if they chose aggressive behavior the parent did not reprimand, but simply acted out the consequences. Myna Ishulutak, a language teacher and filmmaker in Iqaluit, Canada, who grew up with this system, says it “teaches kids to keep their cool.” Will this approach work in other cultures and settings? Laura Markham, a New York City psychologist who specializes in peaceful approaches to disciplining, recommends a similar strategy: Wait until everyone is calm and then go back over with the child what happened. "That develops cognitive capacity. And it develops self-control and self-regulation," she says. How do you respond to angry outbursts in the children you know? Do you ever review them in a calmer moment? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Fearless organizations provide psychological safety, a culture where employees feel they can take interpersonal risks and express relevant ideas, questions, and concerns. (Click to Tweet!) In this kind of climate, co-workers trust and respect each other and feel empowered, perhaps even obligated, to be candid.
Yet, according to a 2017 Gallup poll, only three in 10 employees strongly agree with the statement that their opinions count at work. And Gallup calculated that by “moving the ratio to six in 10 employees, organizations could realize a 27% reduction in turnover, a 40% reduction in safety incidents, and a 12% increase in productivity.” According to Amy C. Edmondson, Harvard Business School professor and author of The Fearless Organization, organizations can take several steps to increase psychological safety:
Do you feel it’s safe to express yourself in your organization? If so, how does leadership communicate this? If not, what should change? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Sooner or later we all experience rejection at work. Whether we are passed over for a promotion or simply have an idea of ours dismissed, we can’t help but experience a sting. (Click to Tweet!) Evolution programmed us to seek the acceptance of our tribe, and its inherent safety, so being rebuffed feels threatening.
However, we can learn to take rejection in stride. Writing in The New York Times, Wharton organizational psychologist Adam Grant says that in the face of rejection it helps to remember that each of us is composed of many selves. “When one of your identities is rejected,” he says, “resilience comes from turning to another that matters to you.“ We all assume multiple roles in our lives: manager, mentor, communicator, researcher, teacher, creator, collaborator... “When you’re insecure in one, you can lean on another one that’s doing better at that time…pliability is the definition of strength,” filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan said recently on Grant’s WorkLife podcast. As Grant sums up: Remember that what is being rejected is not you but a sample of your work…”sometimes only after seeing it through a foggy lens.” What did you do the last time you experienced a rejection at work? Did remembering one of your alternate strengths allow you to rebound? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs. |
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