 Each of us has a network of casual acquaintances and even near-strangers we encounter in our daily lives. We might not think of these as relationships, but it turns out that conversing with people with whom we cross paths has wide-ranging benefits.
According to Dr. Bob Waldinger, professor of psychiatry at Harvard and author of the book The Good Life, “brief but warm exchanges have a direct effect on happiness.” These kinds of seemingly trivial interactions can impact mood and energy throughout the day. And ongoing research initiated in the 1970s has shown “weak ties” contribute to a greater sense of well-being. Talking to those we hardly know may feel awkward, even daunting. But research shows that after people have conversations, they are liked more than they realize. Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex, who has led pivotal research on the positive effects of having frequent casual interactions with strangers and acquaintances, advises not to be put off even if, once in a while, you appear to get rebuffed. Sure, someone might be late for an appointment and cut your dialogue short; even so, “remind yourself that they don’t know you, so they’re not rejecting you based on who you are.” If you get back on the horse and talk to someone else, you might even learn something. Pretty much everyone has a good story, not to mention a recommendation for a new neighborhood restaurant. The fellow tenant on the elevator, the guy at the coffee shop, the fellow dog-walker all have the ability to “make your day.” Give them a chance, and see how you feel. When is the last time you struck up a conversation with someone you hardly knew? How did it go? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.
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 Are you having a conversation or delivering a monologue? According to Mark Goulston, MD, business psychiatrist and author of Just Listen, there are three phases of conversation. In the first, we impart relevant, useful, interesting information. In the second, we “get on a roll” where it feels good to keep talking, but we don't notice the other party is barely listening. The third stage occurs when we lose track of what we were saying and the other person loses interest.
“Unfortunately,” says Goulston, “rather than reengaging your innocent victim by urging them to talk and then listening to them, the usual impulse is to talk even more in an effort to regain their interest.” This happens not only because humans have a hunger to be listened to, but also because talking about ourselves releases the pleasure hormone dopamine. Gabbers become addicted to that pleasure. Goulston recommends a strategy called the Traffic Light rule, shared with him by fellow coach Marty Nemko. In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation. But the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds. At the 40-second mark, your light is red. Although there are times you want to run that red light and keep talking, it’s worth considering stopping. According to Goulston, “filibustering is usually a conversational turn-off, and may result in both people deteriorating into alternating monologues.” Have you ever been aware that your listener has started to tune you out, and what do you do about it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Tommy Mello, writing in Inc., says he doesn’t relish having tough conversations with employees. He is certainly not alone. “A lot of leaders have a hard time having tough conversations, and that is one of the big reasons why companies fail.” Quoting Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations, he reminds us, "Never be afraid of the conversations you are having. Be afraid of the conversations you are not having."
So how can you improve your approach for tough conversations?
How did you recently handle a tough conversation with an employee? Did you initiate it or did they? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Life often presents us with good news/bad news scenarios. When we have to break such news to others, we tend to want to lead with the good stuff. But when Jeff Haden, contributing editor of Inc., polled his readers, most said they would rather hear bad news first.
The tendency to lead with good news is something researchers call “priming emotional-protection.” In non-research speak, this means: “This might go badly, so I'll ease into it.” If you have bad news to share, it's natural to seek to protect yourself from how other people may react. But often the goal of delivering bad news is to alert others about a potential issue, to resolve a situation, or to change a plan or direction. So take a moment to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Don't they deserve to know -- and the sooner the better -- of any problem that they are facing? Once people know that there is bad news, they can shift into problem-solving mode. And here is where the news deliverer can be especially helpful. What has already been done to fix the problem? For example, let’s say your company makes laptops, but one of your chip suppliers can’t deliver for a month. That's the bad news. But suppose the news deliverer now tells you that they have already alerted sales and customer service and have already reached out to alternative suppliers. That’s the good news. Now you can pitch in and offer suggestions. Do you tend to deliver bad news before good, or the other way around? Do you think you might alter your approach? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  “Meetings are stuck in the Stone Age,” writes Rebecca Hinds, organizational physician and entrepreneur, noting that most executives view them as inefficient and unproductive.
At her Work Innovation Lab, Hinds and research colleagues wanted to understand whether we could predict bad meetings before they even started. Based on their research, they identified three anticipatory questions that you can ask to assess whether a meeting could become dysfunctional:
By asking these questions, says Hinds, you can head off bad meetings and reclaim control of your calendar. Looking at your calendar, can you spot any meetings that might be problematic? How might these 3 questions offer a more effective path forward? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Research suggests that humor helps us build stronger bonds with each other, with links to greater satisfaction in the workplace. And although there may be times when spirited joke telling strikes the wrong note, a does of levity can be helpful in many situations. “Levity is a mind-set,” says Naomi Bagdonas, a lecturer at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, who advises executives on leading with humor and humanity. “It’s looking for reasons to be delighted rather than disappointed in the world around you.” Like any other skill, a sense of levity can be cultivated. Writing in The New York Times, Carolyn Todd offers suggestions from experts:
Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Are you wanting to expand your influence and develop your personal and professional networks? Then it makes sense to consider what will naturally make you a more likeable person.
Writing in Inc., Marcel Schwantes, contributing editor and founder of Leadership from the Core offers these guidelines:
Do you engage in any of these likeability-enhancing behaviors, and which would you like to cultivate more? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  There are countless ways to say “You're wrong.” Now imagine the altered dynamic that occurs with: “You’re right.” These two words are not an abdication of power. They don’t mean that you’re wrong, or that the other person is right about everything. But finding a way to make someone right, can gain you more influence.
Writing in Inc., behavioral scientist Nuala Walsh, confirms that validation is an underutilized leadership tool, and offers ways to make others right:
When was the last time someone told you that you were right, and how did it feel? Can you do the same? To join the conversation, click "comments" on above. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Defensiveness is a deterrent to productive communication. As soon as you get your hackles up, a new conversation begins — and this one is all about your reaction! The original topic is derailed.
As Debra Roberts, interpersonal communication author, writes in Inc., we can easily spot defensive reactions in others, but it can be harder to spot them in ourselves. We all wear emotional armor and often feel threatened when it is pierced. Defensiveness is a form of self-protection that can present in many forms: Making excuses, ignoring or talking over the other person, criticizing the behavior of the other person, or becoming highly emotional. To curtail defensive reactions:
What do you typically do when you start to feel defensive? If its an over-reaction, do you think you can break the cycle? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. We would love to hear about your experiences! For more details on how to respond non-defensively to criticism, check out our BreakThrough Conflict curriculum. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  If you're struggling with turnover, or looking to solidify what's currently working in your organization, you've likely been thinking about employee engagement plans. With the media continually talking about attrition and “quiet quitting,” this seems an urgent topic to address.
Organizations need engagement plans that resonate with employees, writes executive coach Robin Camarote. Yet too often such plans are a hodge-podge of initiatives. “Engagement is separate from compensation policies, rewards, and appreciation efforts, like parties and gifts,” says Camarote. "We work best," concludes the author, "when we are invited to participate in arriving at solutions to our day-to-day struggles." The most effective employee engagement programs consist of a series of conversations among leaders and staff that address four essential pillars of engagement: Purpose, Communication, Workplace Environment, and Relationships. These four engagement pillars can include as much or as little formality as desired. For a more simple approach, consider hosting a series of open-ended discussions focusing on one pillar at a time. To learn more about structuring employee engagement conversations, check out our Hardwiring Teamwork curriculum. What is your organization doing to enhance employee engagement? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  “There are countess ways to screw up a meeting,” writes contributing editor Jeff Haden in Inc.. In fact, many employees view meetings as “costly” and “unproductive.”
Research shows meetings are even less useful when they start late and when there are too many of them. They are especially counter-productive when participants complain in ways that express futility. Killer phrases like “Nothing can be done about that” or “Nothing will work” can set off a chain reaction of negativity that — as you can imagine — lessens the odds of productive outcomes. Yet, Haden says, smart leaders know how to convert even a sense of futility into effective problem solving. Here’s how: Begin setting an expectation that requires everyone to reframe objections or different opinions as questions. If a participant says, ”There’s no way we can get everyone to work overtime this weekend,” the leader can reply, “Please reframe that as a question.” That might sound like: “How can we get our staff to work overtime this weekend?” Similarly, “We will never finish this job on time,” becomes “What actions can we take to finish this job on time?” Soon enough, such reframing becomes a habit! Now, you’re in problem solving mode. Many of you have experienced our Hardwiring Teamwork course that offers step-by-step guidelines on how to make meetings successful. Check it out here. What do you do to ensure your meetings are productive, and what do you avoid? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  It’s easy to enumerate the qualities of a good leader (inspiring, authentic, collaborative, empowering), but what are the actions that enable leaders to personify these qualities? According to Inc., contributing Jeff Haden, great leaders carry out several of the following strategies:
Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Let's face it: The last year has been disruptive for many, and universal stressors may have taken tolls on your relationships. We cannot always change circumstances, but we can change our responses. Instead of navigating through important moments of communication on automatic pilot, reacting from emotion rather than intention, we can transform our relationships by being proactive with positive communication. As we approach 2023, consider making a resolution to practice 12 months of healthy communication.
As communication researchers and partners in work and marriage for decades, we’ve experienced both the joy and challenge of personal and business communication and have found some simple steps to resolve conflict and build trust in relationships:
Here’s wishing you a happy, healthy, communicative 2023! Do you have a New Year’s resolution that involves communication? To join the conversation, click "comments" located just below the photo for this article. We'd love to hear your feedback!  Some people use the phrase “I’m sorry” reflexively, even if they didn't really do anything wrong. In the workplace, this might make people think less of you, in addition to weakening the power of future heartfelt apologies. The habit itself may spring from insecurity, says Patrice Williams Lindo, CEO of the consulting firm Career Nomad.
According to Lindo there are many viable and effective options to over-apologizing at work, for example:
When was the last time you apologized at work, and how did you do it? Any insights you can share? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Sixty-two percent of Americans say they feel unsafe expressing their political opinions. When the right and the left are so polarized, it is tough to have a conversation that doesn't get overheated. But, according to Monica Guzman, who works in Communication at the nonprofit Braver Angels, and who authored the new book "I Never Thought of It That Way", says divergent viewpoints don't need to obliterate relationships.
Guzmán notes that we have sorted ourselves into silos where we rarely have to confront those with different ideologies, making it easier to dehumanize them. But, she contends, we can have manageable conversations across our self-assigned blocs if we replace certainty with curiosity. Guzman proposes that we can all have INTUIT moments (“I Never Thought of It That Way”) if we:
This may sound simple, but simple is not the same as easy, writes Lisa Selin Davis, discussing Guzman’s book in The New York Times. But with consistent effort and an open-minded attitude, we may be able to reclaim some lost relationships. Have you had a recent conversation with someone on the other end of the political spectrum, and how did it go? Any insights you can share? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. |
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