 Have you ever been frustrated by people who don’t seem open to changing their mind? Now think about it: Have you ever been such a person? If you can’t recall the last time you admitted you were wrong or altered your opinion, it might be useful to work on developing intellectual humility.
According to Shane Snow, award-winning journalist, celebrated entrepreneur, and author of Smartcuts: The Breakthrough Power of Lateral Thinking, “Gallup’s list of Most Admired People is populated with people who have changed, repented, evolved, and grown.” And those who are intellectually humble make the most effective leaders and teammates (https://bit.ly/2QFDgb4). Like any skill, intellectual humility can be cultivated through practice:
What is the last topic you changed your mind about, and what caused the change? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.
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 Ron Ashkenas and Brook Manville, coauthors of the Harvard Business Review Leader’s Handbook, are often asked for the newest guidance for leaders. Clearly the “leadership industry” is booming, with hundreds of books written about the subject every year, new assessment tools based on neuroscience, computer aided algorithms for decision-making, virtual reality simulations, and online courses with university affiliations.
But is there really an essentially new way to think about leadership? Writing in The Harvard Business Review, Ashkenas and Manville remind us that although there are a lot of new and interesting ideas, some of which may prove helpful, outstanding leadership has not really changed over the years. (Tweet it!) “It is still about mobilizing people in an organization around common goals to achieve impact, at scale.” According to the authors, leaders with the greatest impact almost always deploy these six classic, fundamental practices:
What do you think about these leadership fundamentals? Do you think that one is most important? Are there any missing? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  This New Year, consider making a resolution to practice 12 months of conscious, healthy communication. Most people navigate through important moments of communication on automatic pilot, reacting from emotion rather than intention (Tweet it!). But we can transform our relationships by getting off autopilot and being proactive with positive communication.
As communication researchers and partners in work and marriage for decades, we’ve experienced both the joy and challenge of personal and business communication and we’ve found some simple steps to resolving conflict and building trust in relationships:
Confronting issues is never an easy matter, but avoidance can be hazardous not just to our relationships, but also to our own health. Here’s wishing you a happy, healthy, communicative 2019! We want to hear. Do you have a New Year’s resolution that could lead to stronger communication? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  As holiday vacations approach, it’s time for friends, family, feasts, and…out of office auto replies. Is there a good way to say, “Hey, I’m trying to unplug; so don’t expect a prompt reply?” (Tweet it!)
Writing for The New York Times “Smarter Living” column , Tom Herrera asked readers to suggest ways of saying ”Sorry, I’m outta here.” Of course there is the generic, “I’ll be back next week, meanwhile call so-and-so”, or the no-frills “Back on Tuesday, January 1,” but consider these: Tembi Secrist, who works in exporting, writes, “Thank you for your email! I am on vacation. Vacations are not for checking email, so I won’t be doing that. Fortunately, we rarely encounter life and death situations in the world of exporting, and aren’t we all glad for that?” Stephanie Grace, who Herrera says “wins for cutest auto-reply” brought a smile to all with the irresistible…“I’m out of office enjoying a weeklong backpacking trip in the Wallowas with the best adventure pup in the world, Lucy: https://www.instagram.com/luseatosky/” What's your favorite out of office auto reply? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  Sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, flushed cheeks, and trembling extremities. Anxiety can be a showstopper. Or it can be something else entirely. For many years we’ve been teaching our clients to reframe their relationship with anxiety—thinking of it as the “juice”-- extra energy that can power public speaking, job interviews, and other high-pressure situations. Recent research, cited in The New York Times by psychologist Alicia Clark, author of Hack Your Anxiety, continues to show how “anxiety can be a pathway to our best selves.”
It is actually our fear of anxiety that makes it so powerful. The more we try to suppress it, the more it debilitates us. A large-scale study from the University of Wisconsin (https://bit.ly/2zHjFge) demonstrated that how we think about anxiety and stress can change the way those feelings affect us. Regardless of actual stress levels, the less detrimental we believe the feeling is, the less so it will be. (Tweet it!) So, Clark advises:
How do you cope with anxiety, especially in a performance situation? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Ad Vingerhoets, author of Why Humans Weep: Unravelling the Mysteries of Tears, says that crying is a product of evolution, serving to alert parents to their offspring’s location and discomfort. But of course adults cry too. And according to Dr. Vingerhoets, speaking to The New York Times, the two major consistent triggers for adult crying are “helplessness and powerlessness,” and “separation and loss.” (https://nyti.ms/2RHDZoY)
Although crying is natural, we might find ourselves in certain situations where we don't want to cry in public—perhaps in a difficult meeting or during an emotionally fraught conversation. If so, psychologists and body language specialists suggest these techniques:
Have you ever attempted to avert tears? Were you successful, and how did you do it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  The hardest part about delegating a task is trusting that someone will do it as well as you can, and so many managers are reluctant to turn over key responsibilities. But, says Dr. Art Markman, Professor of Psychology and Marketing at the University of Texas at Austin, “The problem with this style of delegation is that it sets your employees up for failure. A coach wouldn’t let an athlete go into a big game without practicing extensively beforehand. Managers should share this same mentality.” (https://bit.ly/2NPnlRN)
Markman maintains that when you assign someone a task for the first time just because you’re unavailable, their chances of success are low – if you haven’t been teaching and preparing them. And the risk of damaging morale is high. “As a manager, a central part of your job is to train and develop people…take on the mindset of a trainer — instead of a manager delegating work.” Effective training, of course, takes thought and effort, stresses Markman. (Tweet it!) Here are his recommendations:
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  The quality of child-parent relations is critical not just for emotional bonding, but also for learning of all types. (Tweet it!) So problems arise, says Erika Christakis, author of The Importance of Being Little, “when the emotionally resonant adult–child cueing system so essential to early learning is interrupted—by a text or a quick check-in on Instagram (https://bit.ly/2KsE7sm).”
In one experiment that tested the impact of parental cellphone use on children’s language learning, thirty-eight mothers and their 2-year-olds were brought into a room. The mothers were told that they would need to teach their children two new words (blicking, which was to mean “bouncing,” and frepping, which was to mean “shaking”) and were given a phone so that investigators could contact them from another room. When the mothers were interrupted by a call, the children did not learn the word, but otherwise they did. Other experiments have shown similar results. Occasional parental inattention is not catastrophic, says Christakis, “…but chronic distraction is another story. Smartphone use has been associated with a familiar sign of addiction: Distracted adults grow irritable when their phone use is interrupted; they not only miss emotional cues but actually misread them.” Fixing the problem won't be easy, but Christakis offers a piece of good news: children are prewired to get what they need from adults, and young children will do a lot to get a distracted adult’s attention. Meanwhile, her advice: “Parents should give themselves permission to back off from the suffocating pressure to be all things to all people. Ditch that soccer-game appearance if you feel like it. Your kid will be fine. But when you are with your child, put down your damned phone.” What do you do when both your child and your phone are competing for your attention? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Saying “thank you” is the ultimate win/win. Research shows that expressing gratitude increases feelings of personal well-being. (Tweet it!) As Americans approach our official day of giving thanks, perhaps all of us can take a moment to consider how we might make gratitude an ongoing part of our lives.
If you are looking for someone to practice your “thank you” on, start close to home. John Gottman, Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute of Seattle says: “Masters of relationships have a habit of scanning the world for things they can thank their partner for. People whose relationships go down the tubes scan the world for their partner’s mistakes.” What happened when you upped the level of thanks you expressed to people around you? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  With holiday dinners around the corner, many are dreading conversations about loaded—possibly political—topics. At times avoidance is the best policy, and perhaps you can just let someone else sit next to Uncle Ned or Aunt Matilda. But, if the relationship is such that you really want to have a calm and respectful exchange of ideas, Eben Weitzman, graduate program director of conflict resolution at University of Massachusetts Boston, has some advice (https://bit.ly/2RmFuJG). “If what you want to do is get to a mutual understanding, really inquire to understand,” he says. “Listen with interest, and without judgment.”
Some things you could say:
If things get heated despite your best efforts, take a break. Withdraw for a while, until your adrenaline stops pumping. Deep listening is the only way out of deep conflict. And listening is too often the first casualty during contentious conversations. (Tweet it!) So, try listening until you can tell their story better than they did. What holiday conversation are you dreading and how do you plan to handle it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  Studies show that high-quality friendships provide positive health benefits, including lower incidences of chronic illnesses, higher levels of happiness and lower mortality rates (https://bit.ly/2PBqFle). Strong social support networks can also be a hedge against stress, depression and anxiety, say researchers (https://bit.ly/2PBqFle). Many of us are reflecting fondly on old friendships and wondering if they can be revived. (Tweet it!) In our electronic world, friends are often just a click, a text, or an email away—but what’s the best way to reach out, if at all?
Writing in The New York Times, Anna Goldfarb consulted with experts, who offered these tips:
Finally, be prepared for all outcomes. It takes two to keep a relationship going, so the goal of renewal has to work for you both. Have you ever reached out to an old friend? How did you initiate and what was the outcome? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  It goes without saying that good teachers are good communicators—or does it? (Tweet it!) Many universities and business schools rely on “expert” teachers who are tops in their field, but not necessarily skilled at transferring their knowledge to other people.
Writing in The New York Times , organizational psychologist Adam Grant points out that experts in any given field might have mastered basic material so long ago that they are especially challenged in conveying it to novices. In addition, the skills that got them where they are—e.g. research brilliance or entrepreneurial success—may not have prepared them to teach what they know to others. “I’ve come to believe that if you want to learn something new, there are three factors that you should keep in mind when choosing a teacher — whether it’s a professor or mentor or soccer coach,” writes Grant. To quote…
Tell us about the best teacher you ever had. How did this person communicate material in a way that resonated with you? Have you ever had an “expert” teacher who was hard to understand and learn from? If you are a teacher, what are your communication best practices? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning series.  Many people want to be able to converse well at parties, networking events, and interviews. In a recent New York Times “Smarter Living” column (https://nyti.ms/2xmb9mj), Tim Herrera compiled the following tips:
Finally, we’d like to add a guideline that Justin Jones- Fosu recommends. Before you start talking about yourself, ask your conversation partner three follow up questions. Chances are they’ll think you’re the smartest person in the room! Do you consider yourself a good conversationalist? What are your secrets? (Tweet it!) To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion  Is your workplace tainted with a negative vibe: complaints, gossip, co-workers undercutting one another? Combating negativity can begin with one person: Might that be you? (Tweet it!)
Writing in Forbes , Millennial and Gen Z engagement expert and speaker Ashira Prossack offers these tips for anyone willing to try to reverse the tone of their work environment:
Have you experienced negativity in your workplace? Have you done anything to reduce it? Is it working? We’d love an example! To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion  Most people have yelled at their kids—and doing so to keep them from running into traffic is perfectly understandable. (Tweet it!) But it’s ineffective if you’re doing it to correct a behavior like throwing clothes on the floor or procrastinating on homework. In fact, it “merely imprints the habit of yelling onto the children.”
So says Stephen Marche, author and parenting podcaster. Writing in The New York Times, Marche cites a 2014 study in The Journal of Child Development, which demonstrates that yelling produces results similar to physical punishment in children: increased levels of anxiety, stress and depression along with an increase in behavioral problems. Since “yelling…is the response of a person who doesn’t know what else to do,” Marche recommends an alternative: the ABC technique of Alan Kazdin, professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale.
The purpose of Kazdin’s ABC’s is to build habits by actually changing the brain. And, as a positive side effect, family relations improve overall. Have you ever been brought to yelling at your kids? How could you use the ABC’s instead? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion |
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