Starting Fail-Proof Conversations

“Big things happen during small talk,” says Matt Abrahams, Stanford instructor and host of  the popular podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart. He says "Small talk gets a bad rap", but it is actually an incredibly effective communications tool.  He often challenges people to think about how many of their close friendships started with small talk – and the answer is, generally, quite a few. 

“A lot of us put tremendous pressure on ourselves to be interesting," Abrahams explains. "We want to say exciting, valuable, relevant stuff, and it's the wrong mindset.” The trick, he maintains, is to lead with curiosity. He advises we think of an initial, casual conversation as akin to Hacky Sack. You serve to the other person and then they serve back to you. Good conversation is,  by definition, collaboration.

Some quick small talk tips:

• Begin with questions
• Observe things in context 
• Bring up relevant information
• Avoid the doom loop of,  “Hi, how are you?, “Fine, how are you?”

Of course, if you're at a professional gathering, there's a chance you have a specific agenda in mind when starting a conversation, for example, looking for customers, investments, new hires, or useful information. In such cases, Abrahams says, “find hooks and ways of bridging to the topic you want to discuss so that it could become a natural part of the conversation.”  

Can you recall a significant business or personal relationship that began with small talk? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.  We'd love to hear about your experiences!

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