Are you a good listener? When we pose this question to people in our learning events, most rate themselves as “above average” (a mathematical impossibility). When we ask what good listening consists of, the most common themes are:  not interrupting, letting others know you are listening by using nonverbal encouragers  (“uh-huh”, “mmm-hmm”) and paraphrasing, by repeating back what the other person has said. 
 
However, new research, conducted by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman of the Zenger/Folkman Leadership Development Group, suggests that these behaviors fall far short of describing great listening skills.

Their four main findings:

1. Good listeners are not always silent when others talk.  They periodically ask questions that prompt discovery and insight. Good listening is more of a two-way dialogue than speaker vs. listener.
   
   
2. Good listening includes interactions that build the speaker’s self-esteem. “Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly. Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them.”
   
   
3. Good listening is a cooperative conversation. Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, “but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument.”
   
   
4. Good listeners can make suggestions.  Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider.

 
Not every conversation requires the highest levels of listening, but many conversations would benefit from greater focus and from the intention to listen interactively.
 
As a listener have you engaged in any of these practices? What else has worked for you? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  We would love to hear your feedback.

A manager’s job and communication style must change as their team expands. Writing in The Harvard Business Review, Julia Zhuo, vice president of design at Facebook and author of The Making of a Manager: What to Do When Everyone Looks To You, explores some of the necessary adaptations. 

• Indirect Management Expands Your Reach:  As your team grows, you cannot manage everyone directly, at least not to the same degree. That means developing managers who report to you, and accepting that some decisions will be made without you. At first it may feel like you are losing control—but you are actually empowering your people, and expanding your leadership reach.
• People Treat You Differently:  When people don’t know you well and see you’re in a position of authority, they’re less likely to tell you the truth or to challenge you when they think you’re wrong, even if you’d like them to. Be aware of this dynamic and take countermeasures. Emphasize that you welcome dissenting opinions and reward those who express them.
• People-Centric Skills Matter Most:  As teams grow, managers spend less time on the specific craft of their discipline, and more time coaching others. “At higher levels of management… success becomes more about mastering a few key skills: hiring exceptional leaders, building self-reliant teams, establishing a clear vision, and communicating well.”

How has your communication style adapted as your team and your responsibilities have grown? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  We would really like to get your feedback.

Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin notes that people would come from far and wide to hear Abe Lincoln speak, even when he was simply a prairie lawyer. From his “stage” atop a tree stump, Lincoln “could simultaneously educate, entertain, and move his audiences,” she writes.  Although times have changed, human nature has not, and Lincoln’s speaking techniques are as compelling as ever.
 
Writing In The Harvard Business Review, Harvard instructor and communication author Carmine Gallo credits Lincoln’s gift for storytelling as key to his ability to captivate audiences. She goes on to enumerate some key differences between mere “presenters” and compelling storytellers.

• Presenters open PowerPoint; storytellers craft a narrative:  A bulleted list is not a story. The latter is a connected series of events, with a theme, attention-grabbing moments, heroes, and a satisfying conclusion. “Nicely designed slides cannot compensate for a poorly structured story.”
• Presenters dump data; storytellers humanize it:  Data is abstract until it’s put into context that people can understand. And people can understand people. The next time you have large datasets to present, add a face to the statistics.
• Presenters are predictable; storytellers surprise. Most PowerPoints are predictable, hence boring. Stories have twists, turns, and elements of surprise. The human brain loves novelty and perks up when we detect something that breaks a pattern.
• Presenters use text; storytellers love pictures:  If you want to engage an audience, build a presentation that favors pictures to complement the story you tell. Researchers have found that an audience will recall about 10% of the content if they simply hear information. But due to the “picture superiority effect,” if they hear information and see a picture, they’ll retain 65%.

 
What might you do to add elements of great storytelling to your next presentation? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  We would love to hear from you.

Today’s world is primed for instant gratification. We often feel pressure to reply immediately to emails and texts, and even in conversation. We fear “dead air” and so hasten to say no something…anything...even when responding to a complex question.
 
However, numerous business leaders—notably Apple’s Tim Cook and Amazon’s Jeff Bezos—are known for taking a pause in conversation in order to carefully consider what they will say next. Justin Bariso, author of EQ Applied, writing in Inc., notes that while those on the receiving end of 10, 20, even 30 seconds of silence may feel uncomfortable at first, their reward is a thoughtfully considered answer…the result of critical thinking that would be impossible without taking time.
 
According to Bariso, embracing “awkward silence” allows us to:

• Put the outside world on mute
• Exercise thinking faculties
• Get to root problems more effectively
• Give deeper, more thoughtful answers
• Bring emotions into balance
• Remain in harmony with our values and principles
• Increase confidence
• Say what we mean, and mean what we say
  
  

Says the author, “That may sound like a lot for 10 to 20 seconds, but you'll be surprised what your brain can accomplish once it's given a little more time to do what it was designed to do: think things through.”
 
When was the last time you allowed a buffer of silence before addressing a complicated topic—and how do you feel when others do so? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  We would love to hear from you!

Do you try to avoid arguing with your partner? If so you are hardly alone. Many couples go out of their way to avoid quarrels. But Janice Webb, PhD., a therapist writing in Psychology Today  shares research suggesting that this avoidance can be a self-defeating strategy. “Suppressed feelings of frustration, annoyance, anger, or hurt may build up enough to cause a major eruption or lie under the surface for decades, driving a couple farther and farther apart.”

Webb compares healthy arguing to a bolt of lightning: “Just like lightning crystallizes the electric charge and clears it from the air during a storm, fights can calm relationships by crystallizing and clearing the negative emotion between the partners.” 

There is a natural cycle that characterizes a healthy relationship, says the author: harmony (which cannot last forever) rupture (the challenging part), and repair. The repair process strengthens a relationship in three ways:  

1. You get to know one another better by learning about one another’s feelings;
2. You each learn what you can do to contribute to your partner’s happiness;
3. You send powerful messages to your partner that they matter to you. When you are vulnerable (“I’m feeling left out”), you are communicating trust. When you stick through a painful conflict, you are communicating commitment.
   
   

Have you ever gone out of your way to avoid arguing with your partner, and if so, why? Have you ever had a fight that led to greater closeness?

​To join the conversation, click "comments" above, we’d really like to get your feedback.

For a leader who wants to inspire, few things are more important than communicating with employees in a positive way. Writing in Inc., Marcel Schwantes, founder and Chief Human officer of Leadership From the Core, says “there are certain undeniable phrases that, if we use them more often with team members, will result in an increase in trust and loyalty.”

Schwantes offers five examples of what great leaders will genuinely put into words to engage minds and hearts:
 

1. We couldn’t have pulled off this project without you. This is especially gratifying if said In the presence of others.
2. I could use your advice. Research shows people who ask for advice are perceived as more competent. 
3. What can I do to help?  This phrase is especially welcome during stressful times.
4. This was clearly my mistake. Effective leaders show humility and acknowledge their own shortcomings.
5. I don't know. Being comfortable with not knowing allows one to learn and grow,

 
When was the last time you used one of these phrases, or heard your manager use one? What was the impact? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the picture).  We would really to hear your feedback.

During conflict, it’s typical to move into a “flight or fight response.” Our brain is ‘hijacked’ by our amygdala, seat of fear and anxiety, and we may lose access to rational thinking. Our face may redden and our speech quicken — and because of “mirror neurons” the person to whom we are speaking may become agitated as well.  However, writing in the Harvard Business Review, Amy Gallo, author of The HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict, says, “It’s possible to interrupt this physical response, manage your emotions, and clear the way for a productive discussion.”
 
Here are some tips for calming yourself down once you’ve gotten worked up:

• Breathe: The simple mindfulness technique of focusing on the sensations of inhaling and exhaling can counter the physical signs of panic and keep you focused.
• Focus on your body: Standing up and walking around can help activate the thinking part of your brain. You might say, “I feel like I need to stretch some. Mind if I walk around a bit?”
• Try saying a mantra:  Come up with a phrase that you can repeat to remind yourself to stay calm, e.g. “Go to neutral” or “This will pass.”
• Acknowledge and label your feelings:  Distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions by naming them: “I am feeling angry because I have the thought that my co-worker is blaming me.” When you put space between you and your emotions it’s easier to let them go.
• Take a break: The more time you give yourself to process your emotions, the less intense they are likely to be.

 
How did you handle the last conversation you had when you were “worked up” and what do you wish you might have done differently? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the picture).  We would really like to hear your feedback.

Remote workforces present unique challenges. So leaders must be more intentional than ever in promoting engagement and the productivity that increases as a result.
 
Managing a fully remote company, Lou Elliott-Cysewski, co-founder and CEO of Coolperx, a net climate-neutral merchandising company, shares the lessons she has learned in Inc.:

• Keep Things Short: Attention spans in a virtual setting are shorter than in person, so be concise.
• Check In: Now is not the time to reduce one-on-one meetings. But do keep them short, and follow up later.
• Encourage Explicit Verbal Communication: Be as clear as possible with your words, as you do not have all of the usual body language and non-verbal cues to back you up.
• Avoid Constant Interruptions: Nothing kills productivity like a barrage of “notifications.”
• Celebrate Wins, Big and Small:  The remote environment can lead to feelings of isolation. To build connection, leaders must take extra care to call out the contributions of individuals and groups.
• Promote Overall Wellness:  Encourage your team to take a proactive approach to wellness. And set an example: Showing your employees that health and wellness are essential is way better than just saying so.

 
What has been your greatest challenge in working remotely, and how has your leadership addressed it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the picture).  We would really like to hear your feedback!

As we navigate the Great Resignation, the need for empathic leaders has come  center stage. People are unwilling to work for managers prone to autocracy, micromanaging, and narcissism — and they will resign in an effort to find a more welcoming culture.
 
It is crucial to recognize, however, that the drive for results and the practice of empathy are not mutually exclusive. Writing in Inc., Phillip Kane, CEO and Managing Partner of Grace Ocean business consultants, contends that effective leaders understand that results matter. But they also realize that results are heightened with kindness.
 
Such leaders recognize and reward the contributions of others, prize the mental and emotional well-being of those who work for them, and know better than to destroy trust over something like a missed objective. 
 
Kane concludes, “If you've believed, like many have, that delivering results and caring for others is an either/or proposition, change your thinking, and then change those you entrust to lead your team. Choose caring, empathic leaders. They are, for good reason, all the rage right now.”
 
To what extent do leaders in your organization display empathy, and what is the effect? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the photo).  We’d really like to hear about your experience and get your feedback!

As employee turnover continues to rise, employers are striving to discern what workers really want. Of course benefits are important, but they are far from the whole picture.
 
Writing in Inc., Marcel Schwantes, founder and Chief Human Officer of Leadership from the Core contends that “good leadership takes skill, heart, head, hands, and a willingness to serve others.” He offers 3 actions leaders can take to ensure people stay longer:
 

• Provide opportunities and growth: According to Schwantes, most employees don’t view their workplace as providing enough options and opportunities. “Employers need to replace traditional career ladders with lattices that enable people to grow — not just vertically, but across departments and functions.”
• Offer more face time:  According to Beamery 2021 Talent Index, which offered insights from more than 5,000 employees, a lack of one-to-one time with their manager hindered their promotion opportunities in the past year. Leaders can avoid this by meeting with their team members and outlining what would be required to secure career advancement.
• Open up two-way communication: Superior leaders are superior coaches, using their one-on-one time to help their employees to develop, and also to solicit feedback that increases their own self-awareness and accelerates their own learning.

​Is your organization doing what it should to help employees continue to develop and build on their strengths? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the photo).  We're really like to about your experiences with attracting & retaining employees!

If you want to hire the right kind of employees and keep them motivated, an extensive new study from Bain may prove helpful. The project’s authors spent a year surveying 20,000 workers in 10 countries (the United States, Germany, France, Italy, Japan, China, India, Brazil, Indonesia, and Nigeria) as well as conducting in-depth interviews with more than 100 employees.
 
As recounted in Inc., the study concluded that there are six work-orientation archetypes, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Problems can arise when employers are seeking one type but hire another. The archetypes are:
 

1. Operators:  They are team-minded and often view colleagues as friends, but they “work to live” rather than “live to work.” They prefer predictability and do not seek to stand out.
2. Givers:  They find meaning in work that directly improves the lives of others.  Their empathetic nature typically translates into a team spirit and deep personal relationships at work. But they are cautious and relatively hesitant to jump on new opportunities as they arise.
3. Artisans:  They seek out work that fascinates them and are motivated by the pursuit of mastery. They enjoy being valued for expertise, and desire a high degree of autonomy.
4. Explorers:  They value experiences and freedom, and desire flexibility along with autonomy. They typically don't rely on their job for a sense of identity, often exploring multiple occupations during their lifetime.
5. Strivers: Strivers have a strong desire for professional success, and value status and compensation. They are forward planners who can be relatively risk-averse, as they opt for well-trodden paths to success. They can be competitive and transactional.
6. Pioneers:  These entrepreneurial types are the most risk-tolerant and forward thinking of all. They have strong views and will do almost anything to achieve their vision. They identify profoundly with their work.

 
Do you recognize yourself, or any of your employees, in any of these archetypes? Does your organization skew toward one type in particular or is there a balance? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the picture).  We'd really like to hear your feedback and experiences!

Is it acceptable to let go of the pressure to participate in back-and-forth work-related conversations? Cal Newport, computer science professor and author of A World Without Email: Reimagining Work in an Age of Communication Overload, suggests practicing messaging “triage.”
 
In a recent paper, researchers concluded that constantly attending to emails, texts, Slack messages, and Zoom requests can lead to cognitive overload that “may result in ineffective information processing, confusion, loss of control, psychological stress — or even an increase of depressive symptoms.” When we practice triage, we make practical real-time decisions about which messages warrant an instantaneous response, which we need to think about before answering, and which aren’t really worth our attention.
 
Triaging may feel uncomfortable at first, but you can start small by cutting back on reply pleasantries like “thanks for the update” and “hope you are well”…which might be considered communication clutter. As Newport argues, “In the context of digital communication, the sender often prefers avoiding the receipt of additional messages when possible.”
 
If you don’t reply immediately to a message during your downtime or vacation or even when you are just preoccupied or exhausted, Erica Dhawan, author of Digital Body Language, says, “Don’t apologize. Just reply when you can. Or don’t.” Still feel uncomfortable? Daniel Post Senning of the Emily Post Institute, which offers etiquette advice, says, “You have to be a civil and decent person, but you don’t have to give your time and attention to everyone who asks for it.”
 
Do you ever choose to ignore work-related messages and what are your criteria for doing so? Have there been repercussions? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the picture).  We’d love to hear your feedback!

Extraordinary teams excel at fostering relatedness among members. New research cited in The Harvard Business Review suggests such teams have found subtle ways of leveraging social connections during the pandemic. Doing so requires creating opportunities for genuine, authentic relationships to develop. 
 
Based on his organization’s research, Ron Friedman, Ph.D, psychologist, author, and founder of ignite80, a performance development company, presents five key characteristics of high-performing teams that highlight the vital role of close connection among colleagues. Successful teams:

1. Aren't Afraid to Pick Up the Phone: Many people avoid the phone but calls strengthen relationships and prevent misunderstanding, contributing to more fruitful interactions among teammates.
2. Are More Strategic With Their Meetings: High-performing teams avoid the common pitfalls of poorly run meetings. They are 39% more likely to require pre-work from participants, 26% more likely to introduce an agenda, and 55% more likely to begin with a check-in that keeps team members apprised of one another’s progress.
3. Invest Time Bonding Over Non-Work Topics: Discussing non-work topics helps identify shared interests, which fosters deeper liking and relatedness, In other words, the best teams aren’t more effective because they work all the time. On the contrary: They invest time connecting in genuine ways.
4. Give and Receive Appreciation Frequently: Recognition is often a more powerful motivating force than monetary incentives. High performing teams are rich in appreciation.
5. Are More Authentic at Work: High-performing teams are significantly more likely to express emotions (both positive and negative) with their colleagues. They reported being more likely to compliment and joke with their teammates. In emails, they were more likely to use exclamation points, emojis, and GIFs. In short, they were more likely to express themselves.

 
How has your team been fostering connections during this period of hybrid work? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the picture).  We'd really love to hear from you!

If you’ve been swearing more in the past year or so — even at work — you’re not alone. The corporate and financial research platform Sentieo recently combed through a database of around 9,000 conference call transcripts looking for expletives. They found 166 transcripts that contained them from 2021. That's a significant jump from previous years. Just 104 transcripts contained profanity in 2020, 112 in 2019, and 92 in 2018. So swearing at work appears to be up.  
 
Frustration with the pandemic and a work-from-home informality may both be factors in the rise of swearing. Our question: Is cutting loose with language always a bad thing? Experts quoted in Inc. say “not necessarily.”
 
Michael Adams, author of In Praise of Profanity, argues that swearing has many useful social functions including “bringing us together.” There’s an intimacy to profanity precisely because it is somewhat taboo. "Bad words," Adams writes, "are unexpectedly useful in fostering human relations because they carry risk.... We like to get away with things and sometimes we do so with like-minded people." Adams believes that swearing can also help us appear slightly more vulnerable and more authentic — both useful qualities in relationship building.
 
No one is suggesting you begin your next Zoom meeting by imitating a drunken pirate. But for those who are savvy enough to navigate delicate situations, an occasional swear word, science attests, may have genuine utility.
 
Have you ever uttered swear words at work, and how do you feel when co-workers do so? To join the conversation, click "comments" above just below the picture — we'd love to hear your thoughts!