Kacy Miller, President of CourtroomLogic Consulting, LLC, a jury and trial consulting firm, contends that every one of us has an innate tool we can use whenever we "put on our advocacy hat." That tool is our voice. "When used effectively," she writes  (http://bit.ly/2p8XLNu), "our voice has the capacity to maintain our listeners' attention, persuade, and even evoke emotion." Variety is the key. Some strategies to consider:

• Rate: We tend to speed up our speech when nervous but listeners need time to process what we are telling them, especially when the content is new, complex or technical. (Tweet it!)

• Inflection: Monotony can be yawn-inducing and annoying. Vary the energy and emphasis you place on certain words.
• Pitch: Research shows that higher-pitched speech conveys a sense of excitement, fear, or nervousness. A lower-pitched voice communicates confidence, certainty, and calm. We all have a natural pitch, but we can shift it up or down when we want to persuade.
• Volume: Know when to turn the dial up or down. Often, people only think of increasing volume to persuade, but don't underestimate the power of a whisper If you want your audience to take notice and lean in.
• Pausing: Silence is a great tool for persuasion. By integrating carefully orchestrated pauses into your speaking, you are essentially speaking in all caps. It's an easy, effective way to let listeners know that what you just said (or are about to say) is important.

We agree with Miller when she says, "We spend hours preparing content for a speech, opening statement, oral argument, or even a client pitch. Make the most of your delivery by adding a healthy dose of vocal variety to your presentation. Your listeners will appreciate it."

Think of a speaker you enjoy - do they make the most of these techniques? What about a speaker you don't enjoy? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

Keep your head up! The problem of looking down at our phones nonstop has both social and physiological consequences (http://nyti.ms/2DEfma8).
 
“Text neck” is becoming a medical issue that affects countless people according to a report published last year in The Spine Journal. The average human head weighs 10 to 12 pounds, and when we bend our neck to check our texts, the gravitational pull and stress increases to as much as 60 pounds of pressure (Tweet it!). That can lead to an incremental loss of the curve of the cervical spine.

Moreover, posture has been demonstrated to affect mood (frequent slouching can make us depressed), behavior and memory. It has an impact on our energy level and the amount of oxygen our lungs can take in. And our body language, of course, affects the way other people perceive us.

The solution: Sit up and make eye contact! Social media will still be there later.

When you look around, do you see people succumbing to text neck? Are you one of them—and, if so, what new habits can turn this around? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

 For teams to succeed, their members must feel safe. Studies show that psychological safety allows for openness, moderate risk-taking, and creativity (Tweet it!). In order to achieve breakthroughs, people need to take chances—but that won't happen if they fear rejection or ridicule.
 
Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Laura DeLizzona, PhD, an instructor at Stanford University, notes that one of the best strategies for making co-workers feels safe—and therefore innovative and productive—is to replace blame with curiosity. “If team members sense that you’re trying to blame them for something, you become their saber-toothed tiger,” she says.
 
While blame leads to defensiveness and disengagement, curiosity indicates a learning mindset. Maybe you don’t have all the facts, so:

• State the problematic behavior or outcome using factual, neutral language, e.g. “In the past quarter there was a decline in sales in your region.”  
• Explore the issue. “I imagine there are many factors at work. Can we uncover what they are?”
• Ask for solutions. The same people who are responsible for creating a problem often hold the keys to solving it.

Can you recall a time when you consciously replaced an urge to blame a coworker with questions indicating curiosity? Did you learn anything unexpected? What was the result? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

The Boy Who Cried Wolf and Pinocchio are not what we think of as kids’ role models. But if your child is lying to you, research suggests that it’s not only normal, but a probable sign of intelligence. (http://nyti.ms/2mdN4bJ). 
 
Children discover lying at about age two, and they often become quite adept at the skill. When adults were shown footage of kids who were either lying or being truthful about committing a transgression, none of the adults (not even the kids’ parents) could consistently detect the lies.
 
Some children start lying earlier than others and, according to developmental psychologist Michael Lewis, the precocious liars are smarter—by as much as 10 IQ points. Lewis suggests that the children who lie may have better “executive functioning skills” (faculties that enable us to control impulses and remain focused) as well as a heightened ability to see the world through other people’s eyes.
 
The psychologist Kang Lee, who has researched deception in children for over two decades, tells parents that if they discover their child lying at age 2 or 3, they can cheer. Of course, parents ideally want their kids to be clever enough to lie but morally disinclined to do it. Good news: Simply getting children to pledge to tell the truth can increase their honesty (Tweet it!)
 
Have you noticed your child fibbing to you? What has been your reaction, and do you think it might change when you consider that it could be a sign of intelligence? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Consider that self-confidence can lead us to overestimate our abilities. Self-compassion, on the other hand, involves acknowledging our flaws and limitations and looking at ourselves more objectively. Many experts believe that self-compassion includes the advantages of self-confidence without the drawbacks (Tweet it!).

Eric Barker, author of the book Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong, notes that productivity culture often promotes faking confidence without considering that when you do, you may start to believe your own pitch. This is better known as the Dunning-Kruger effect: a cognitive bias in which we overestimate our abilities.

Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas, suggests a solution to the problem of overconfidence: self-compassion. “Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness, care and concern you show a loved one,” she said.  To acknowledge ourselves as imperfect beings living imperfect lives can free us from delusion and enable us to be authentic and empathic and to take negative events in stride. (For example, a study asked people to describe themselves while being recorded on video. Those subjects were then told they would be rated on how likable, friendly and intelligent they seemed on camera. Subjects who had high levels of self-compassion had generally the same emotional reaction no matter how they were rated. By contrast, people with high levels of self-confidence had negative emotional reactions if the feedback was simply neutral and not exceptional.

The bottom line, writes Kristin Wong in The New York Times: “Without the pressure to be superhuman, it’s easier to accept feedback and criticism. It’s much harder to learn and improve when you believe you already know everything.” http://nyti.ms/2DIS3Jb

Do you believe you practice self-compassion? How has it helped you to succeed despite life’s ups and downs? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

In the 1970s, renowned psychologist Daniel Kahneman suggested giving government officials estimated probabilities of events. Looking back years later, Kahneman changed his mind, saying: “No one ever made a decision because of a number. They need a story.” (Tweet it!)

In the past year, many of us have been surprised by certain outcomes, many of them political, and we complain that our prediction models are incorrect. But the models are not incorrect: It is just that we tend to misinterpret numbers that tell us “this has a 10 percent chance of happening” as virtually no chance at all.

In a New York Times column entitled “What I Was Wrong About This Year”, pundit David Leonhardt writes that probabilities “are inherently hard to grasp. That’s especially true for an individual event, like a war or election. People understand that if they roll dice 100 times, they will get some 1’s. But when they see a probability for one event, they tend to think: Is this going to happen or not? They then effectively round to 0 or to 100 percent.”

But what if a probability came with a story? “Imagine that a forecast giving Candidate X a 10 percent chance included a prominent link, “How X wins.” It would explain how the polling could be off and include a winning map for X. It would all but shout: This really may happen.”

As Leonhardt says, this won't eliminate confusion, but it might minimize it. “The rise of big data means that probabilities are becoming a larger part of life. And our misunderstandings have real costs.”

Do you feel anecdotal explanations of probabilities would help you understand odds better? Have you ever used one, and can you give an example? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

By now, many employees are familiar with sexual harassment training, be it online or in person. It’s become ubiquitous since 1998, when two Supreme Court cases determined that for a company to avoid liability, it had to show that it had trained employees on its anti-harassment policies. But does it work?
 
According to research by Justine Tinkler, a sociologist at the University of Georgia http://bit.ly/2my2R4m, the training may inadvertently backfire by reinforcing gender stereotypes. Tinkler, quoted in The New York Times, said “It puts women in a difficult position in terms of feeling confident and empowered in the workplace” because it presents men as powerful and sexually insatiable and women as vulnerable. Other research found that training that described people in a legal context, as harassers or victims, led those being trained to reject it because they didn’t think the labels applied to them.
 
(Tweet it!) Researchers say training, though essential, is not enough. Companies must reinforce it via culture, by:

• Empowering bystanders to take action;
• Encouraging reporting;
• Stressing overall civility in the workplace;

• Promoting more women.

 
What has been your reaction to sexual harassment training? What else does your organization do to discourage inappropriate behavior? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

We typically try to identify other people’s emotions through their facial expressions—eyes in particular. Eye contact is certainly critical in empathy, and many psychologists use the “Reading the Mind in the Eyes” exercise (where you detect subtle shifts in the looks people give you) to test empathy in their experiments. (http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/)
 
But The Washington Post reports that a new study by Michael Kraus of the Yale School of Management has found that our sense of hearing may be even stronger than sight when it comes to accurately detecting emotion. Kraus found we are more accurate when we hear someone’s voice than when we look only at their facial expressions, or see their face and hear their voice simultaneously. In other words, you may be able to sense someone’s emotional state even better over the phone than in person (Tweet it!).
 
In several follow-up studies, Kraus focused on the reason why the voice—especially when it is the only cue—is such a powerful mode of empathy. Participants were asked to discuss a difficult work situation over a video conferencing platform, using either just the microphone or the mic and video. They were more accurate at detecting each other’s emotions in voice-only calls. When we only listen to voice, he found, our attention for subtleties in vocal tone increases. We simply focus more on the nuances we hear in the way speakers express themselves.
 
So how can we get better at interpreting emotions in voices? The human ability to perceive nuances in voices is extremely sophisticated, research shows. But as with other communication skills, paying attention is key. The more you focus on audio cues, the more you will learn.
 
Can you think of a situation where you were able to “read” important emotional information through someone’s voice alone? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Have you ever been in a meeting where your boss turns their attention from you to their phone? This “phubbing” (short for “phone snubbing”) can have a detrimental effect on morale—and on performance as well. The Washington Post reports that researchers James Roberts and Meredith David, professors of Marketing at Baylor University, have found that this behavior undermines trust and engagement in the workplace.

In their study titled “Put Down Your Phone and Listen to Me: How boss phubbing undermines the psychological conditions necessary for employee engagement,” Roberts and Meredith found that “behavior as simple as using a cell phone in the workplace can ultimately undermine an employee’s success.” Boss phubbing can have a serious negative impact on employee trust as well as employee perception that their work is meaningful, and that they are in a safe working environment. All of this can lead to decreased employee engagement and productivity.

Distracted bosses are nothing new, but ubiquitous smartphones have exacerbated the problem (Tweet it!). Roberts recommends that bosses and employees be trained to recognize the negative impact of phubbing. He suggests that supervisors be evaluated not just on quantitative measures like sales numbers, but also on whether employees trust and respect them. Organizations might also consider setting formal “smartphone policies” on when and where phones can be used.

Have you ever been “phubbed” by your boss or colleague? How did you respond, externally and internally? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

As Valentine’s Day approaches, consider giving your loved ones these gifts – each with more staying power than flowers, cards, and chocolates (Tweet it!): 

1. Listen when your impulse is to argue. Listening, a rare and pure gift from the heart, requires us to be quiet long enough to ponder our partner’s message.

2. Edit accusations that could make your partner feel put down and judged. Instead, describe your feelings. “I feel lonely” has a different ring than “you’re selfish and unresponsive.”

3. Acknowledge your role in a problem. Every issue has another side. When we describe how we contributed, even unintentionally, to a problem, we encourage our partner to hear us out.

4. Agree on a solution. Reach an explicit, collaborative agreement about what each of you will do differently in the future.

5. Follow up on your agreements. Many attempts at resolving conflict end in failure and fighting, but following up proves your commitment to view conflict resolution as a process rather than a one-shot deal.

As marriage and business partners for 40 years, we can attest that while confronting issues is never easy, avoidance is worse. And we still endorse chocolate too. It’s good for your heart.

We want to hear: What communication behaviors would you like to change in your relationships this year, and what steps are you taking to do so? Join the conversation and click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

Apologies are in the air these days—but not like this one: Tennessee Titans quarterback (and former Oregon Duck!) Marcus Mariota recently gave a mea culpa that made headlines. In it, he apologized for the way he treated the media at his press conference.

“Real quick, I want to say I am sorry for the way I handled the press conference," Mariota said, via the team's official website. “…I was rude and inappropriate, and I just want to say I apologize for it… I got an earful from my mom. That's how I was raised and I appreciate you guys for understanding."

In the grand scheme of things, no one (other than Marcus’s mom) had deemed his prior behavior shocking. Upset after a loss, he had used the term “pissed off.” But Inc columnist Justin Bariso says this apology is noteworthy “because manners like this simply aren't as common as they used to be (http://on.inc.com/2FCXs4Y).”

Barios gave a shout out to Mariota for authenticity, for humility, and for demonstrating respect. We agree with his summation:  “True leadership requires that you practice what you preach and set the example: You can talk about respect and integrity until you're blue in the face, but it won't mean anything when you curse out a family member, friend, or colleague. By showing respect first, Mariota commands respect from others--his teammates, the media, his children, and pretty much everyone else.“  Long after we forget the winner of this year’s Super Bowl, many will remember Marcus Mariota and his act of emotional intelligence and accountability (Tweet it!).

When was the last time you witnessed an apology you found authentic and impactful? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Karen Huang, a Harvard PhD student, is studying the effects of asking questions in everyday conversation. Huang says some of her interest arose from personal observations: “I would meet someone for the first time, and I would…[ask] a lot of questions. And I noticed that the other person really enjoyed talking about themselves and responding to my questions, but I would also notice that they wouldn't really ask questions back,” she noted in an NPR interview.

Huang and colleagues wanted to test her hunch that people who don't ask questions appear less likable than those who ask many. So, they asked volunteers to get to know one another and then told them to either ask many questions or very few. The results showed that asking more questions increased how much the person was liked. In a separate study, the researchers looked at speed daters, analyzing the effect of posing questions to prospective partners. They found that the number of follow-up questions asked predicted a partner's willingness for a second date.
 
When we ask a question and someone responds, and then we listen and ask something related, we show attentiveness and engagement. It would seem natural that they find us likeable. But remember that while most people enjoy being asked questions, many do not ask questions themselves—and research shows most people are unaware that question asking makes then more likeable. Good news: Question-asking is a learnable skill! (Tweet it!)
 
Have you noticed that you tend to like people who ask you questions in conversation? Is asking questions something you tend to do? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

When you want to present in a clear and confident way, “the happy midpoint is to speak extemporaneously, knowing the structure and the content very well, but choosing the exact words in the moment,”
writes Dr. Ken Broda-Bahm in Persuasive Litigator. Practicing on your feet—perhaps in front of a test audience is, says Broad-Bahn, the best way to reach the happy medium between memorization and improvisation.
 
Producing is more active and more likely to stick, rather than passively reading content or editing notes and slides. Perhaps that is why even “covert rehearsal” (practicing in your imagination) enhances speaking performance. And a recent Canadian study—the first to focus on hearing your own voice—showed that even listening to yourself recorded can be effective (Tweet it!).
 
What techniques do you use to prepare for a presentation? Have you tried covert rehearsal, practicing aloud or listening to your recorded voice? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

In a time when so many in the workplace are being accused of disrespectful behavior, it is important for leaders to set the right tone, and model respectful communication (Tweet it!). And one of the most powerful ways to show respect is to listen…carefully and non-judgmentally.

New York Times “Corner Office” columnist Adam Bryant has interviewed a number of CEOs who subscribe to a practice known as MRI: the Most Respectful Interpretation. Robin Domeniconi, chief executive of the fashion company Thread Tales, told Bryant that “M.R.I.” was a cornerstone of her company culture. “I don’t need everyone to be best friends,” she said, “but I need to have a team with M.R.I.”

M.R.I. involves taking the time to hear what somebody is thinking— especially if their point of view contradicts your own—and taking the time to ask clarifying questions if something doesn’t make sense. Importantly, it allows us to give others the benefit of the doubt. Although uncomplicated, it confronts some of the main causes of organizational dysfunction: lack of communication and misperception.

How do you encourage your co-workers to feel heard, respected and understood? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

There is something behind the phrase “the voice of reason”, writes Amy Ellis Nutt in The Washington Post. According to a new study, the human voice is more persuasive than the written word.


The study, published in Psychological Science, asked 300 subjects to listen to or read arguments about controversial issues. Afterward, when those subjects were asked to judge the person who communicated the argument, those who listened via video or audio, were less dismissive than those who read a transcript – even if they disagreed with the content.

“When two people hold different beliefs, there is a tendency not only to focus on that difference of opinion but also to denigrate one's opposition,” the study's authors wrote. It turns out that vocal cues, absent in written communication, have the ability to create a more positive perception of an adversary.
 
The bottom line: Even though social media enables the written word, try to talk to people you wish to persuade. Use “the voice of reason” to your advantage (Tweet it!).
 
Do you find you are more easily persuadable by voice than text or email? Do you try to speak to those with whom you have a difference of opinion? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion