Happy New Year!
Are you making any resolutions for 2014? Research shows that 40 to 45 percent of us start the New Year with a new resolve. As long as they are realistic, New Year’s resolutions can help us reach our goals. But it probably won’t surprise you to learn that many people—one U.K. study says as many as 78 percent—fail to follow through.
Some suggest that a good way to stick to your resolutions is to read them aloud each morning to yourself. Writing in the Huffington Post, journalist Delia Lloyd takes this a step further, suggesting that we say our resolutions aloud to others—the idea being that this will make us more likely to commit.
We agree that saying our resolutions aloud to others tends to make us feel more accountable and spurs self-discipline. Supportive friends, family, or co-workers can cheer us along and "going public" may give us that extra ounce of inspiration we need when will power wears thin.
Please share your experience with our Community of Practice: How are you planning to break old habits and set new goals? And whom are you telling? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our forum: Community of Practice Forum
Emotions of all kinds run high during the holidays. According to a 2006 study by the American Psychological Association, many people report positive emotions such as happiness (78 percent “often”), love (75 percent “often”), and high spirits (60 percent “often”). But 44 percent also report that family holiday gatherings “sometimes” or “often” cause stress.
Because the holidays can magnify sore spots in relationships, the APA suggests that we all manage our expectations. Barring a holiday miracle, a typically bumpy relationship isn’t going to smooth out overnight.
Along with this advice from the APA, we would like to reveal a family game that we play when the Glaser clan is together: We go around the table—with each person taking a turn being the focal point—and the rest of the group (one person at a time) saying what we appreciate and admire about the person who is “it.” (When we tried this with our 3 ½ year old grandson, he was utterly ecstatic!) We also suggest practicing your listening skills. Don’t focus only on saying something positive…also be sure to take in the positive things your family and friends say about you.
These tips might not cause a miracle, but they could magnify positive emotions— and set an affectionate tone for the bumps that might also come along.
We want to hear! How do you handle stress at family holiday gatherings? And if you try our “game,” please tell us how it worked for you. Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our Community of Practice Forum
Say What You Need To Say
Have you ever had an argument with your spouse, significant other, or close relative? Just kidding… Most of us have had more than a few! But now we know that the way we behave during such conflicts may well affect our health—not just our relationships.
Researchers have shown that self-silencing during quarrels—i.e. the practice of holding in feelings one would like to express—takes a significant health toll. According to a report in Psychosomatic Medicine, women who didn't speak their minds in marital fights were four times as likely to die during the 10-year study period as women who always told their husbands how they felt.
Does this give us permission to take a no-holds-barred approach? Elaine Eaker, an epidemiologist who was the study's lead author, clarifies that this doesn’t mean we should “start throwing plates” at each other, but that there needs to be a safe environment where both people can equally communicate.
In a related study the health of spouses was studied in relation to the style of fighting between husbands and wives. A woman’s health risk increases if she perceives her husband’s style as “hostile”; a man’s risk increases if he perceives his wife’s style as “controlling.”
We want to hear! Do you have any tips for healthy conflict in intimate relationships? How do you express your feelings so that they can be heard and understood without damaging anyone’s heart (both literally and metaphorically)? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our forum: Community of Practice Forum
The Unexpected Uses for Stress
Is stress always harmful? A long-term study of 30,000 individuals published in Health Psychology in 2012 revealed that people who reported experiencing high stress were 43% more likely to die prematurely, but this was only true if they believed stress adversely affected their health.
For decades, in our public speaking courses we have been teaching that stress is the motor of performance. So rather than dreading the stress of speech anxiety, we learn to embrace it as ‘the juice’ that energizes us. This new research suggests that this is also likely to be true in interpersonal communication—where avoiding conflict is often done to avoid stress!
Begin to think positively when you feel your stress rising as an important communication event approaches. Think: "This is the feeling I need in order to perform at my maximum. I am ready…" This reframing may save your life.
Please share your thoughts with us! What happened when you began to appreciate those sweaty palms and that rapid breathing that signals stress? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our forum: Community of Practice Forum