 “Every week, I get invited to another “must attend” business event sure to be full of important people who could affect my business. I know I should go, but it’s a chore. All too often, I end up standing in a corner clinging to the one person I know, feeling guilty that I’m not taking advantage of the situation.”
So writes Rebekah Campbell, CEO of Posse.com, a social search engine for which she—a self-confessed introvert—managed, shyness aside, to raise $3 million in start-up funding. Writing in The New York Times, Campbell says, ”I recognize the importance of this type of activity, so I stick to it — primarily because a few chance encounters at events have led to relationships that have made all the difference in my business. I have to accept that networking doesn’t come naturally to me…So I’ve developed techniques to help me form relationships and improve, even enjoy, the networking process.” Among her ideas:
Are you ever (even secretly) uncomfortable at networking events? What strategies do you use to overcome your reticence? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around communication mastery, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion
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 Machines do many things well, but they lack social skills (Tweet it!). And research shows that occupations that require strong social skills have grown much more than others since 1980 (http://nyti.ms/2pjFHmj).
James Heckman, a Nobel Prize-winning economist, has concluded that non-cognitive skills like character, dependability and perseverance are as important as cognitive achievement. These conclusions have been put into practice. Google researchers, for example, studied the company’s employees to determine what made the best manager. It turned out that technical expertise did not predict elite managers; predictors were actually people who made time for one-on-one meetings, helped employees work through problems, and took an interest in the lives of others. Mr. Deming’s study quantifies these types of skills. Using data about the tasks and abilities that occupations require from a Department of Labor survey called O*NET, he measured the economic return of social skills, after controlling for factors like cognitive skill, years of education and occupation. Jobs requiring social skills grew 24 percent between 1980 and 2012, while jobs requiring repetitive tasks, and analytical tasks that don’t necessarily involve teamwork declined. Deming explains social skills in terms of the economic concept of comparative advantage. “Say two workers are publishing a research paper. If one excels at data analysis and the other at writing, they would be more productive and create a better product if they collaborated. But if they lack interpersonal skills, the cost of working together might be too high to make the partnership productive.” Can you share an example of a time when social skills helped you or a colleague achieve success on the job? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  Most of us use so-called filler words like “um”, “uh” and “er” occasionally. They can occur when we are trying to think of the next thing to say, or when we are nervous and our thoughts get ahead of our words, or sometimes even to signal that what we are about to say is important.
The problem with filler words is they can become crutches, making us appear hesitant, tentative and unsure (Tweet it!). In a New York Times interview , Lisa B. Marshall, author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation compared their use to that of vulgarity: Occasional use is acceptable but frequent use may make listeners think the speaker is lazy about language. Marshall also says it matters when filler words occur. If they occur before a thought is expressed, the speaker is more likely to be perceived as lacking confidence or preparedness. If they occur in mid-thought, the speaker is judged less harshly. Also, speakers well known in their fields can get away with more filler words than can novices. What to do to curtail fillers? Awareness is the first step. Then, don't be afraid to substitute silence. Said Ms. Marshall, “That might be awkward at first, but it is better to have a moment of quiet than a distracting ‘you know’ or ‘um.’” We wholeheartedly agree that silence is an underutilized speaking tool. A few seconds of silence may seem long to a speaker at first, but the audience will not mind—in fact silence may add to power and dramatic impact. What are the “filler words” you use as defaults? What happens when you try substituting a moment of silence instead? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  This has been the Year of the Apology, from accounting firm PwC in the aftermath of the Academy Award snafu to Wells Fargo, United Airlines, the White House press secretary, and more. Of course everyone makes mistakes—so much so that the art of saying “I’m sorry” is taught in business schools and managed by pricey consultants. But it's important to make an apology that mitigates the original offense rather than compounding it (http://nyti.ms/2oqTO50).
Some advice for those who find themselves needing to say mea culpa (Tweet it!):
Whatever you do, you don't want to have to do it over and over, Ken Sunshine, who founded the public-relations firm Sunshine Sachs, says. “My rule? You get one shot.” What’s the last time you gave or received an apology at work? Do you think it could have been done more skillfully? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion |
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