 It’s not easy to reign yourself in while in the grips of anger. This is particularly true for children, whose brains—and self-control abilities—are still developing. The answer? Instead of punishment, try rehearsal. (Tweet it!)
Lisa Feldman Barrett, a psychologist at Northeastern University who studies how emotions work, says there's a big misconception that you can effortlessly stop yourself when you're already mad. But, she adds, "if you practice cultivating a different emotion or a different response when you're calm and peaceful, you have a better chance of managing your anger in those hot-button moments." The anthropologist, Jean Briggs, lived for a time in the Canadian Arctic with the Inuit people, known for valuing gentleness and even-temperedness. Briggs observed how this value was cultivated in that culture. When an Inuit child acted in anger, perhaps hitting someone or throwing a tantrum, there was no scolding, punishment, or time outs. Instead, the parents waited for a tranquil moment and put on a little drama. The parent would reenact what happened when the child misbehaved, including the consequences of that behavior. During the drama, the parent always kept a light, playful tone. Within the context of the play, the child had to think what to do; if they chose aggressive behavior the parent did not reprimand, but simply acted out the consequences. Myna Ishulutak, a language teacher and filmmaker in Iqaluit, Canada, who grew up with this system, says it “teaches kids to keep their cool.” Will this approach work in other cultures and settings? Laura Markham, a New York City psychologist who specializes in peaceful approaches to disciplining, recommends a similar strategy: Wait until everyone is calm and then go back over with the child what happened. "That develops cognitive capacity. And it develops self-control and self-regulation," she says. How do you respond to angry outbursts in the children you know? Do you ever review them in a calmer moment? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.
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 Fearless organizations provide psychological safety, a culture where employees feel they can take interpersonal risks and express relevant ideas, questions, and concerns. (Click to Tweet!) In this kind of climate, co-workers trust and respect each other and feel empowered, perhaps even obligated, to be candid.
Yet, according to a 2017 Gallup poll, only three in 10 employees strongly agree with the statement that their opinions count at work. And Gallup calculated that by “moving the ratio to six in 10 employees, organizations could realize a 27% reduction in turnover, a 40% reduction in safety incidents, and a 12% increase in productivity.” According to Amy C. Edmondson, Harvard Business School professor and author of The Fearless Organization, organizations can take several steps to increase psychological safety:
Do you feel it’s safe to express yourself in your organization? If so, how does leadership communicate this? If not, what should change? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Sooner or later we all experience rejection at work. Whether we are passed over for a promotion or simply have an idea of ours dismissed, we can’t help but experience a sting. (Click to Tweet!) Evolution programmed us to seek the acceptance of our tribe, and its inherent safety, so being rebuffed feels threatening.
However, we can learn to take rejection in stride. Writing in The New York Times, Wharton organizational psychologist Adam Grant says that in the face of rejection it helps to remember that each of us is composed of many selves. “When one of your identities is rejected,” he says, “resilience comes from turning to another that matters to you.“ We all assume multiple roles in our lives: manager, mentor, communicator, researcher, teacher, creator, collaborator... “When you’re insecure in one, you can lean on another one that’s doing better at that time…pliability is the definition of strength,” filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan said recently on Grant’s WorkLife podcast. As Grant sums up: Remember that what is being rejected is not you but a sample of your work…”sometimes only after seeing it through a foggy lens.” What did you do the last time you experienced a rejection at work? Did remembering one of your alternate strengths allow you to rebound? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Rituals are small, meaningful acts that mark transitions and bind people together. Religions are thick with ritual, but secular society has relatively few left, says New York Times columnist David Brooks.
But for the extravagant exceptions of weddings, bar mitzvahs, and quinceañeras, says Brooks, daily life goes unremarked. We lack the means to note and celebrate “doorway moments”—like when a new family moves onto a street, when the kids in a blended family move in together, or when we leave behind a house filled with memories. Rituals provide comfort because they remind us we’re not alone as we proceed through life. Symbolically, they can involve burying something (confronting loss), burning something (sacrifice), passing something around (creating community), anointing something (purification), putting something on (embracing a new role). They express things beyond words and force a pause in life’s hectic pace. (Click to Tweet!) Brooks says we need more personal rituals and also more collective ones. In 1620, colonists formed the Mayflower Compact, in which they publicly vowed to “combine ourselves into a civil body politic.” Maybe, he suggests, “neighborhoods and towns could come together to make town compacts. They would vow to be a community together and lay out the specific projects they are going to do together to address a challenge they face.” Rituals can help us make promises to each other and be inspired to keep them, to define life’s phases, and…to throw some fun parties. As Brooks asks, why deprive ourselves? What rituals have been particularly meaningful for you? Can you think of a life transition, community event, or work event for which you would like to create a new ritual? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs. |
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