Are anti-bullying policies stopping workplace bullying? Not according to a survey recently conducted by Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield, co-authors of the books Crucial Conversations and Influencer. Ninety-six percent of respondents said they had experienced workplace bullying, and indicated that most of the alleged bullies had been in their positions for over a year (89%), or over five years (54%). Only 6% said their companies’ anti-bullying policies prevented bullying.

The sad truth is that many who feel bullied don’t do anything about it. They try to avoid the problem, but the unintended consequence of avoidance is perpetuation. “Silence is not golden. Silence is permission,” says Maxfield.

We agree: What we permit, we promote (Tweet it!). So it’s important to know your workplace policies and document incidents of bullying (e.g. browbeating, intimidation, sabotaging). Perhaps most effective of all—if you do not feel at risk doing so—is addressing (in private) the person you believe is abusing power. If you choose to do this, try our models for raising issues and responding to criticism. Then ask what you can do to improve communication going forward so that the pattern doesn’t repeat. 

We want to hear: Are you aware of workplace bullying and, if so, do you and those around you tend to confront or avoid the problem? If you have addressed the situation, what has been the outcome? Join the conversation and click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

Parents want their kids to be successful, but much of the advice we give them can be counterproductive (http://bit.ly/2uVGjOS) says Emma Seppala, Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. Seppala discovered some useful suggestions in researching her book, The Happiness Track:
 

• Substitute “Live in the moment” for “Focus on the future”:  A mind focused on the future can be prone to anxiety (Tweet it!). Kids feel happier doing what they're doing – and happiness makes us 12 percent more productive.

 

• Substitute “Learn to chill out” for “Keep pushing”: Children are feeling stressed at younger and younger ages. Teach skills (like yoga and meditation) that enable “rest and digest” rather than “fight or flight.”

 

• Substitute “Make mistakes and learn to fail” for “Play to your strengths”:  Kids may be more optimistic in the face of challenges, knowing they can give it another try and potentially succeed in new activities.

 

• Substitute “Show compassion for others” for “Look out for Number One”: Having positive relationships with other people is essential for well being, and likability is one of the strongest predictors of success.

 
What do you typically say to kids in your life to help them be happy, successful, and resilient? Has it had the desired effect? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Laughter establishes closeness and conveys meaning. It sends micro-messages to our conversation partner via its length, tone, and accompanying facial expressions. “It does the work of establishing cohesion,” said Michelle McSweeney, a Columbia University researcher who studies digital communication. It indicates, “I feel comfortable enough around you to laugh.”
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Just as there are many variants on face-to-face laughter, there are many ways of laughing online (Tweet it!). For example:
 
 LOL – This is the classic acronym for “laughing out loud” of course.       But, as digital communication expert Jessica Bennett writes in The New York Times, nowadays it “actually means the opposite, because nobody using LOL has really laughed out loud since at least 2015.”
 
HAHAHA – Currently the rage, this mirthful triplet is what's often used to express – without irony – “I’m dying laughing.”
 
HA – This monosyllable actually has nothing to do with humor, and is used instead to convey the skeptical sentiment, “Yeah, right.”
 
haha? –  This is reserved for that friend who texts you the inappropriate joke, when you are not sure if you’re supposed to laugh.
                                     
ha ha ha (note the spaces) -- This indicates, Bennett says, “ what my   13-year-old self might have referred to as “hardy har har” — or, very funny — NOT.”
 
Confused?  There is always the emoji ha — which is “crying tears of laughter “and should not be confused with “crying tears of sadness” that is apparently the most common emoji on Instagram.  
 
What’s the way you indicate laughter online? Do you you use variations for nuance? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

Have you ever witnessed a male paying a “compliment” to a female colleague that did more harm than good? Unfortunately, the problem is not uncommon (Tweet it!). Psychologists Peter Glick and Susan Flake refer to it as benevolent sexism -- “a chivalrous attitude that suggests women are weak and need men’s protection”).
 
Consider a few of the “laudatory” remarks former (and fleeting) White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci made about Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders:
 

• “I want to make her better.”

• “Sarah, if you’re watching, I loved the hair and makeup person we had on Friday. So I would like to continue to use the hair and makeup person.”

 
Scaramucci also described Sanders as “warm”— however research shows that if a woman is considered “nice” she is less likely to be deemed competent.
 
“Many men want to support women at work,” says David M. Mayer, associate professor at The University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business (http://bit.ly/2tZW05y). “So let’s stop using methods that backfire and instead use compliments that acknowledge, and don’t undermine the competence, legitimacy, and status of our female colleagues.”
 
Have you ever had a co-worker pay you a “compliment” that had an undermining effect – whether intended or not? How did you respond? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

Nobody wants to see listeners’ eyes glaze over in boredom as we tell our favorite story—whether during a presentation or at a party. Ideally we want rapt attention. To that end, advice from Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert (http://n.pr/2uGZ8b0) might be useful.
 
According to Gilbert, you might well induce blank stares when you dwell on topics that are unfamiliar—such as your exotic vacation or a movie no one’s seen. He and colleagues Gus Cooney and Timothy Wilson found “speakers tend to think listeners will most enjoy hearing novel stories…and that makes perfectly good sense. We think of communication as an attempt to tell people things they don't already know.”
 
But what Gilbert and company’s experiments showed was that listeners much preferred to hear about experiences they’d already had. They exposed people to stories about novel and familiar experiences, finding that stories about familiar experiences were enjoyed much more. Bottom line: Link with familiar ground to keep people engaged (Tweet it!). As Aristotle said: “The fool persuades me with his reasons, the wise man with my own.”
 
What’s an anecdote you love to tell that people react to best? Do you consider the topic familiar? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.