 Each of us has a network of casual acquaintances and even near-strangers we encounter in our daily lives. We might not think of these as relationships, but it turns out that conversing with people with whom we cross paths has wide-ranging benefits.
According to Dr. Bob Waldinger, professor of psychiatry at Harvard and author of the book The Good Life, “brief but warm exchanges have a direct effect on happiness.” These kinds of seemingly trivial interactions can impact mood and energy throughout the day. And ongoing research initiated in the 1970s has shown “weak ties” contribute to a greater sense of well-being. Talking to those we hardly know may feel awkward, even daunting. But research shows that after people have conversations, they are liked more than they realize. Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex, who has led pivotal research on the positive effects of having frequent casual interactions with strangers and acquaintances, advises not to be put off even if, once in a while, you appear to get rebuffed. Sure, someone might be late for an appointment and cut your dialogue short; even so, “remind yourself that they don’t know you, so they’re not rejecting you based on who you are.” If you get back on the horse and talk to someone else, you might even learn something. Pretty much everyone has a good story, not to mention a recommendation for a new neighborhood restaurant. The fellow tenant on the elevator, the guy at the coffee shop, the fellow dog-walker all have the ability to “make your day.” Give them a chance, and see how you feel. When is the last time you struck up a conversation with someone you hardly knew? How did it go? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.
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 Are you having a conversation or delivering a monologue? According to Mark Goulston, MD, business psychiatrist and author of Just Listen, there are three phases of conversation. In the first, we impart relevant, useful, interesting information. In the second, we “get on a roll” where it feels good to keep talking, but we don't notice the other party is barely listening. The third stage occurs when we lose track of what we were saying and the other person loses interest.
“Unfortunately,” says Goulston, “rather than reengaging your innocent victim by urging them to talk and then listening to them, the usual impulse is to talk even more in an effort to regain their interest.” This happens not only because humans have a hunger to be listened to, but also because talking about ourselves releases the pleasure hormone dopamine. Gabbers become addicted to that pleasure. Goulston recommends a strategy called the Traffic Light rule, shared with him by fellow coach Marty Nemko. In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation. But the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds. At the 40-second mark, your light is red. Although there are times you want to run that red light and keep talking, it’s worth considering stopping. According to Goulston, “filibustering is usually a conversational turn-off, and may result in both people deteriorating into alternating monologues.” Have you ever been aware that your listener has started to tune you out, and what do you do about it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Tommy Mello, writing in Inc., says he doesn’t relish having tough conversations with employees. He is certainly not alone. “A lot of leaders have a hard time having tough conversations, and that is one of the big reasons why companies fail.” Quoting Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations, he reminds us, "Never be afraid of the conversations you are having. Be afraid of the conversations you are not having."
So how can you improve your approach for tough conversations?
How did you recently handle a tough conversation with an employee? Did you initiate it or did they? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Life often presents us with good news/bad news scenarios. When we have to break such news to others, we tend to want to lead with the good stuff. But when Jeff Haden, contributing editor of Inc., polled his readers, most said they would rather hear bad news first.
The tendency to lead with good news is something researchers call “priming emotional-protection.” In non-research speak, this means: “This might go badly, so I'll ease into it.” If you have bad news to share, it's natural to seek to protect yourself from how other people may react. But often the goal of delivering bad news is to alert others about a potential issue, to resolve a situation, or to change a plan or direction. So take a moment to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Don't they deserve to know -- and the sooner the better -- of any problem that they are facing? Once people know that there is bad news, they can shift into problem-solving mode. And here is where the news deliverer can be especially helpful. What has already been done to fix the problem? For example, let’s say your company makes laptops, but one of your chip suppliers can’t deliver for a month. That's the bad news. But suppose the news deliverer now tells you that they have already alerted sales and customer service and have already reached out to alternative suppliers. That’s the good news. Now you can pitch in and offer suggestions. Do you tend to deliver bad news before good, or the other way around? Do you think you might alter your approach? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. |
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