One of the most dangerous myths in our culture is that vulnerability is a weakness..."Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never a weakness." We agree with Brené Brown, Ph.D., University of Houston researcher and author of The Gifts of Imperfection.

This is why we have often said that feeling descriptions like "angry," "frustrated," and  "betrayed" don't work as well as "embarrassed," "inadequate," and "isolated." Although the first three might be easier to admit to, they lack vulnerability and the power that brings. Being vulnerable gives us the capacity to break through defensiveness by appealing to people's compassion. Then they can fully hear our concerns without feeling that they have to protect themselves from us.

We want to hear from you! What happened when you tried communicating your own vulnerability? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

In a study by Georgetown University and the Thunderbird School of Global Management, 96% of nearly 3,000 participants say they have experienced uncivil behavior in the workplace.  Now organizations from Dish Satellite Corp to the NSA are following a lead set by companies like the employee-friendly Southwest Airlines, and implementing programs to improve civility among co-workers.

Warm and fuzzy time wasting?  Not at all. Cisco Systems estimated the cost of employee incivility at $8.3 million annually and took action to counter the weakened commitment that resulted.

At the top of Georgetown U Professor Christine Porath’s recommendations:  Never criticize people behind their backs.

We agree.  For decades we have shared with our audiences that if your frustration is great enough to vent to a third party, it’s important to discuss your issue face-to-face with the person concerned.

We want to hear from you:  If someone comes to you with a gripe or complaint about someone else, what do you do?  Do you get involved or send the individual back to the source of his or her concern? Do you ever enlist someone as your “sounding board” instead of going to the source of your concern?  To join the conversation, click "comments" below.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

We often hear about “survival of the fittest.” The standard view of evolution is that living things were forged by ruthless competition. While there is no doubt that today's species carry the genetic legacy of ancestors who fought to pass on their DNA, we were intrigued with a recent NPR Radio Lab that explored “whether there might also be a logic behind sharing, niceness, kindness ... or even, self-sacrifice.”
 
It turns out we don’t really live in a selfish, dog-eat-dog world. Cooperation is ubiquitous in nature, from the cellular to the societal level. Our cells are descended from competing single-celled organisms that forfeited their autonomy to function as cohesive units. Many plants host bacteria or fungi they depend upon for vital nutrients. Ants defend trees that house them. Animals from bees to lions cooperate with close relatives, and research points to considerable evidence that sharing, reciprocity, and empathy are found in apes, monkeys, and chimps.
 
And what is the engine of cooperation? Communication. Writing about the “unselfish gene” in The Harvard Business Review, Harvard professor Yochai Benkler says, “Nothing is more important in a cooperative system than communication among participants…Over hundreds of experiments spanning decades, no single factor has had as large an effect on levels of cooperation as the ability to communicate.”
 
The bottom line: The better we communicate the more we can take advantage of our predisposition to cooperate. It’s only natural.   
 
We want to hear: Can you give us an example of how a cooperative environment led to greater success than did a competitive one? What role did communication play? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

For years we’ve spoken and written about the profound impact of nonverbal communication on our ability to persuade. Harvard Business School professor and researcher Amy Cuddy presents evidence for a direct link between body, mind, behavior, and outcomes.

Not feeling powerful? Cuddy says “Fake it ‘til you make it—or, better yet, ‘til you become it.” Before entering a high-stress situation where others will evaluate you—like a job interview or presentation—Cuddy suggests striking a “power pose,” such as Starfish (arms up in victory pose) or Superman/Superwoman (hands on waist/chest out). Doing this for two minutes (in private:) will lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. According to Cuddy: “You’ll feel better about yourself and others will experience you as more dynamic. The end game: more success!”

We want to hear from you: Give power-posing a two-minute try. Does it boost your confidence and up your game? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

Are failures opportunities to grow, or negative experiences that impede success? A study reported by NPR confirms that how parents answer that question has a profound impact on how much children think they can improve their intelligence through hard work.
 
"Parents are a really critical force in child development when you think about how motivation and mindsets develop," says Kyla Haimovitz a Stanford psychology professor who coauthored the study with colleague Carol Dweck. "Parents have this powerful effect really early on and throughout childhood to send messages about what is failure, how to respond to it."

Evidence shows that when children view their abilities as more pliable--something they can change over time—they deal with obstacles more constructively, but communicating that message to children is not always simple. The bottom line: “When your child is struggling on something or has setbacks, don't focus on their abilities, focus on what they can learn from it," Haimovitz says. One way, she says, is to ask a child: "How can you use this as a jumping-off point?”

We want to hear: Do you recall the messages your parents gave you about failure? How have they affected you? And how do you deal with it when your own children are frustrated by a lack of success in any given area? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.