 Nearly everyone has run into manipulative co-workers. And sometimes those manipulators rise through the ranks quickly. They can give the appearance of productivity even if their tactics cause others to be stressed and less productive. Liz Kislik, an organizational coach who teaches at NYU and Hofstra University, offers these strategies for dealing with manipulators, “even if you have less rank, power, or status”:
Have you encountered a manipulative person in your workplace, and how have you protected yourself around that person? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.
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 We humans have a hunger to be listened to—and the very process of talking about ourselves releases the feel-good hormone, dopamine. So, all in all, it’s no surprise that many of us blab on from time to time. (Tweet it!) But how do we know when we’re talking too much? Marc Goulston M.D., a business psychiatrist and author of Just Listen, shared a technique he learned from Marty Nemko of San Francisco’s NPR affiliate. It’s called the Traffic Light Rule: “In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person. But…the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds—now the risk is increasing that the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded. At the 40-second mark, your light is red.” But take note: even 20 seconds of talking can be a turn-off if a speaker doesn’t include the other person in the conversation. Don’t filibuster: Ask questions, try to build on what they say, and look for ways to include them in the conversation. Aim for “a genuine dialogue instead of a diatribe.” Consider using your first 20 seconds to create enough interest that the other person asks you follow up questions. Have a story you want to share? Practice telling it in your mind until you have it crisp and focused. Have you ever timed your average talk time? Does it exceed 20 seconds? Do you find yourself starting to lose interest after someone else speaks for 20 seconds? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  Coworkers can be irritating…maybe sometimes infuriating. But even if we feel justifiably angry with someone who casts unwarranted blame on us or undermines our objectives, angry outbursts at work almost always backfire—and rarely solve the problems that incited them. Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Peter Bregman, CEO of Bregman Partners and author of Leading With Emotional Courage, says you can “outsmart” your next angry outburst by asking yourself these four questions before communicating:
What techniques do you use to restrain yourself from an angry outburst? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.  If you’re looking for signs that a married couple is about to split, “not talking” is a better indicator than “fighting a lot.” The same is true at work. Disagreements can actually be productive, whereas fear of conflict and a “culture of silence” can eat away at your company. Unfortunately, says Shane Snow, author of Dream Teams: Working Together Without Falling Apart, most of us don't disagree productively. Busy trying to “win”, we ignore logic and evidence that gets in our way. However, he contends, we can change this dynamic, exchange diverse ideas, and argue for and against the merits of those ideas, by training people to adopt key habits:
Do you and your co-workers abide by such rules when issues are debated? If so, which do you find the most useful? If not, which ones do you most wish could be implemented? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs. |
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