Being praised for a job well done can boost our brain with a feel-good surge and help us accomplish more (https://bit.ly/2DsinLa). But for many of us, accepting a compliment can feel awkward.
 
Research shows that we tend to dwell on failures more than compliments (https://bit.ly/2BVmxIk). Perhaps there is survival value in this, says Dr Kristin Neff, an educational psychologist at the University of Texas, Austin. According to Dr. Neff, “ancestors who were negative worrywarts were more likely to survive.” Compounding our squeamishness in the face of compliments is: 1) we don't want to seem like we’re egotistical or arrogant; and 2) our skills may come so naturally to us that we underestimate their value. (Tweet it!)
 
But compliments can be rich sources of information, giving us valuable feedback, and they have the capacity to create stronger relationships. So how can we accept complements graciously? Keep it short and positive with no self-deprecating comments. Try responses like: “Thank you, I’m glad you said that,” or “I appreciate your noticing,” or “Thanks for letting me know.” If you’re still afraid of looking swellheaded, or if you’re genuinely interested in more input, ask a follow-up question to show you value the compliment giver’s opinion and acknowledge there’s always room for improvement (https://nyti.ms/2rwoWnb),
 
How did you respond the last time someone paid you a compliment?  Did you try to deflect it, or did you accept it? Were you successful, and how did you do it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our  online learning programs. 

When researchers surveyed almost 2,000 American girls, they found that the confidence levels of girls falls about 30 percent between the ages of 8 and 14 (https://nyti.ms/2RGgtZW). Since personal confidence can have profound outcomes for people of any age and gender, it’s important to consider ways to boost it. (Tweet it!)
 
Speaking to The New York Times (https://nyti.ms/2RObV3u), tennis star and entrepreneur Venus Williams, who credits self-confidence as crucial to her success in many endeavors, offered three essential actions to magnify self-assurance.
 

1. Be honest about your feelings: When something doesn’t work, ask why. When you are feeling unsure, admit it to yourself. Then remind yourself that while you might not feel confident right now, you remain committed to your goals.
2. Create a map of the path you’ll follow toward your goals: If you can see yourself achieving your goals, you are more likely to do so. Once you clarify your goals, create an action plan to get there, whatever your temporary confidence level might be.
3. Use failure to your advantage: Failure can make you stronger and wiser, but it also means you have to work harder. “In sports…if you cannot correct yourself, you will lose.”

 
“We all face challenges at some point in our lives,” says Williams, “but making a decision based on low self-esteem is a short-term play…The more we learn to make decisions based on self-confidence the more we are empowered to keep striving for our dreams.”
 
Do you have a strategy you use for boosting self-confidence? In what situations does it work best? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our  online learning programs. 

Have you ever been frustrated by people who don’t seem open to changing their mind? Now think about it: Have you ever been such a person? If you can’t recall the last time you admitted you were wrong or altered your opinion, it might be useful to work on developing intellectual humility.
 
According to Shane Snow, award-winning journalist, celebrated entrepreneur, and author of Smartcuts: The Breakthrough Power of Lateral Thinking, “Gallup’s list of Most Admired People is populated with people who have changed, repented, evolved, and grown.” And those who are intellectually humble make the most effective leaders and teammates (https://bit.ly/2QFDgb4).
 
Like any skill, intellectual humility can be cultivated through practice:
 

• Respect the viewpoints of others: Listen without interrupting and watch out for the human tendency to discount opinions of people who do not look, act, think or behave like you. (Tweet it!) 
• Resist intellectual arrogance: Too much adherence to our own way of thinking makes us unlikely to learn and change.
• Separate ego from intellect: Don't make ideas about you. If you view ideas as neutral, you’re less likely to feel threatened by disagreements or dissonance.
• Know when to revise your viewpoint: Give yourself permission to explore, travel, read and research. Look for opportunities to reach a new conclusion.

 
What is the last topic you changed your mind about, and what caused the change? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs. 

Ron Ashkenas and Brook Manville, coauthors of the Harvard Business Review Leader’s Handbook, are often asked for the newest guidance for leaders. Clearly the “leadership industry” is booming, with hundreds of books written about the subject every year, new assessment tools based on neuroscience, computer aided algorithms for decision-making, virtual reality simulations, and online courses with university affiliations. 

But is there really an essentially new way to think about leadership? Writing in The Harvard Business Review, Ashkenas and Manville remind us that although there are a lot of new and interesting ideas, some of which may prove helpful, outstanding leadership has not really changed over the years. (Tweet it!) “It is still about mobilizing people in an organization around common goals to achieve impact, at scale.”

According to the authors, leaders with the greatest impact almost always deploy these six classic, fundamental practices:

1. uniting people around an exciting, aspirational vision;
2. building a strategy for achieving the vision;
3. attracting and developing the best possible talent;
4. relentlessly focusing on results in the context of the strategy;
5. creating ongoing innovation to help reinvent the vision and strategy; and
6. “leading yourself” by knowing and growing yourself so you can most effectively lead others and carry out these practices.

“Sometimes the starting point is different, or one of the six areas requires more heavy lifting than another,” say Ashkenas and Manville, “…but the same handful of practices are always present.”

What do you think about these leadership fundamentals? Do you think that one is most important? Are there any missing? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs. 

This New Year, consider making a resolution to practice 12 months of conscious, healthy communication. Most people navigate through important moments of communication on automatic pilot, reacting from emotion rather than intention (Tweet it!). But we can transform our relationships by getting off autopilot and being proactive with positive communication.

As communication researchers and partners in work and marriage for decades, we’ve experienced both the joy and challenge of personal and business communication and we’ve found some simple steps to resolving conflict and building trust in relationships:

• Listen when your impulse is to argue
• Edit accusations that might make someone feel put down, and instead describe your feelings.
• If you have a grievance, pinpoint details with specific examples.
• Acknowledge your role in any problem
• Reach explicit, collaborative solutions that specify what each person will do differently in the future.

Confronting issues is never an easy matter, but avoidance can be hazardous not just to our relationships, but also to our own health.

Here’s wishing you a happy, healthy, communicative 2019!

We want to hear. Do you have a New Year’s resolution that could lead to stronger communication? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs.