Have you performed a random act of kindness lately?  In a study published in the Journal d Experimental Psychology, researchers found that when you perform a random act of kindness it’s easy to underestimate how much the recipient will appreciate it. And that miscalculation holds many of us back from doing nice things for others more often. 

We know that kindness can boost well-being, writes New York Times reporter Catherine Pearson. But researchers who study the subject hope these new findings will strengthen the scientific case for making these types of gestures more often.

“I have found that kindness can be a really hard sell,” said Tara Cousineau, a clinical psychologist, meditation teacher and author of The Kindness Cure: How The Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World.  "People desire kindness yet often feel inconvenienced by the thought of being kind.” 

On the other hand, even the smallest gestures do get noticed. So if you are not already in the habit of performing random kind acts — or they do not come naturally to you — begin by telling people what you appreciate about them.  Also consider what you like to do, what skills and talents you have, and how you might turn those into small offerings for other people.

How did you feel the last time you performed a small act of kindness, and how did you feel the last time someone did this for you? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

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Research suggests that humor helps us build stronger bonds with each other, with links to greater satisfaction in the workplace. And although there may be times when spirited joke telling strikes the wrong note, a does of levity can be helpful in many situations. “Levity is a mind-set,” says Naomi Bagdonas, a lecturer at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, who advises executives on leading with humor and humanity. “It’s looking for reasons to be delighted rather than disappointed in the world around you.” 

Like any other skill, a sense of levity can be cultivated. Writing in The New York Times, Carolyn Todd offers suggestions from experts:

• Look for things that are just the tiniest bit amusing. Try noticing what’s true, and a little bit “off.” Sensitizing yourself to these moments primes you to savor them.
• Create a levity diary.  Find time to record your amusing experiences.  If on your morning commute, the train conductor makes an unintelligible announcement, and you make amused eye contact with another passenger, that’s material for your diary.
• When something goes “wrong,” try to take it lightly. Reframing mishaps and mistakes will be easier in the moment if you imagine what funny stories they will make later.
• Spend time with people who make you chuckle. Humor and lightness come naturally when we’re with people who put us in a joyful state,
• Make humor a main ingredient in your media diet. Treat yourself to humorous TV shows, podcasts, and films, and follow comedians and humor writers on social media.
• Get to know your own sense of humor. Are you boldly irreverent, self-deprecating, sarcastic, or a charismatic storyteller? Understanding your style helps you improve it.

Can you give an example of when levity was successfully used in your workplace? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
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Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. 

During conflict, it’s typical to move into a “flight or fight response.” Our brain is ‘hijacked’ by our amygdala, seat of fear and anxiety, and we may lose access to rational thinking. Our face may redden and our speech quicken — and because of “mirror neurons” the person to whom we are speaking may become agitated as well.  However, writing in the Harvard Business Review, Amy Gallo, author of The HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict, says, “It’s possible to interrupt this physical response, manage your emotions, and clear the way for a productive discussion.”
 
Here are some tips for calming yourself down once you’ve gotten worked up:

• Breathe: The simple mindfulness technique of focusing on the sensations of inhaling and exhaling can counter the physical signs of panic and keep you focused.
• Focus on your body: Standing up and walking around can help activate the thinking part of your brain. You might say, “I feel like I need to stretch some. Mind if I walk around a bit?”
• Try saying a mantra:  Come up with a phrase that you can repeat to remind yourself to stay calm, e.g. “Go to neutral” or “This will pass.”
• Acknowledge and label your feelings:  Distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions by naming them: “I am feeling angry because I have the thought that my co-worker is blaming me.” When you put space between you and your emotions it’s easier to let them go.
• Take a break: The more time you give yourself to process your emotions, the less intense they are likely to be.

 
How did you handle the last conversation you had when you were “worked up” and what do you wish you might have done differently? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the picture).  We would really like to hear your feedback.

Managers and leaders have a direct effect on their employees’ stress levels, but too few leaders are aware of this power. Even well-meaning managers may unwittingly stoke anxiety.
Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, professor of business psychology at Columbia University and an associate at Harvard’s Entrepreneurial Finance Lab, points out five behaviors that can increase people’s anxiety levels. Leaders who can spot these behaviors can start to change them.

1. Using negative language: Words matter…Even if two leaders are addressing the same issue, impacts vary. Talking about “possibilities,” “improvements,” or “potential” has a different impact than “problems,” “dangers,” or “complications.”
2. Erratic or unusual actions: Even in unpredictable situations like the current pandemic, leaders should act in consistent and predictable ways. Don't make employees guess what you’ll do next.
3. Emotional volatility: Work hard to notice your nonverbal communication when you’re feeling stressed. It soothes others when you project calm.
4. Excessive pessimism: Pessimism can be useful in preventing risks. But keep pessimistic communication in check. During uncertain times, your staff has a right to expect you to notice what they can be optimistic about.
5. Ignoring people’s emotions: During stressful times, avoid obsessing on your own emotions. Focus on others and exhibit empathy.

As a leader, do you think about how your words and actions impact those you manage? Have you consciously changed any of your behaviors during this stressful time? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
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Overwhelmed by email? Join the club. One recent survey suggested the average American’s inbox has 199 unread messages (https://bit.ly/2XBZNpW). But ignoring email from co-workers communicates that their priorities are unimportant to you.





And when researchers compiled a huge database of the digital habits of teams at Microsoft, they found that the clearest warning sign of an ineffective manager was being slow to answer emails (https://bit.ly/2s4t64D).
 
Responding in a timely manner shows that you are conscientious, organized, and dependable. But, of course, not every single email deserves a reply, Writing in The New York Times, organizational psychologist Adam Grant offers some guidelines to help prioritize:
 

• Feel free to ignore emails from strangers.

• The same goes for near-strangers repeatedly asking you to do something for them.

• Set boundaries and delay responding to after-hours work emails that are not emergencies. (Tweet it!)

• If you’re just hopelessly behind on your inbox, at least set up an auto-reply giving people another channel where they can reach you for time sensitive matters: a Slack channel, Twitter, or phone number.

 
“Whatever boundaries you choose,” writes Grant, “don’t abandon your inbox altogether. Not answering emails is like refusing to take phone calls in the 1990s or ignoring letters in the 1950s.”
 
How do you prioritize when you are inundated with emails? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
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Psychologists and neuroscientists have been studying eye contact for decades and their research reveals much about its power—for example that we make assumptions about other people based on how much they meet our eyes or look away when we are talking to them. Dr. Christian Jarrett, editor of the British Psychological Society's Research Digest blog, curated some of the most intriguing recent findings (https://bbc.in/2sfUsWL):

• Eye contact kicks off a raft of brain processes, and even looking at a portrait painting that appears to be making eye contact has been shown to trigger a swathe of brain activity related to social cognition – in regions involved in thinking about ourselves and others (https://bit.ly/2TPPyfq).
• We generally perceive people who make more eye contact to be more intelligent, more conscientious and, in Western cultures, more sincere. (Tweet it!) We also become more inclined to believe what they say (https://bit.ly/2tjJkc3).
• A recent study found that mutual gaze leads to a kind of partial melding of the self and other: we rate strangers with whom we’ve made eye contact as more similar to us (https://bit.ly/2RYnR22).

 
Of course, too much eye contact can make people uncomfortable – and individuals who stare without letting go can be unsettling. In one study, psychologists tried to establish the preferred length of eye contact. They concluded that, on average, it is three seconds long—and no one preferred gazes that lasted longer than nine seconds (https://bit.ly/2N4usXL).
 
Eye contact is multi-dimensional. When we gaze into another’s eyes, we are subliminally decoding messages from their eye muscles (which reveal emotion), the dilation of their pupils, and even the limbal rings (the circles that surround the irises). “When you look another person in the eye,” says Dr. Jarred, “just think: it is perhaps the closest you will come to ‘touching brains’ – or touching souls if you like to be more poetic about these things.”
 
Have you ever noticed that you respond differently to people who make eye contact versus those who habitually look away? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
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New York Times columnist David Brooks thinks Americans desperately need to find ways to be “less beastly” to one another—especially when negotiating disagreements. He recently researched and compiled some advice to promote cordiality and, yes, even kindness. Among his tips that resonate with our body of work:
 

• Don’t meet around a problem. Problems are backward-looking and lead to assigning blame. Instead, have a possibility conversation. Discuss how you can use the assets you have to create something good together.

• Attune to the process. When you’re in the middle of an emotional disagreement, shift attention to the process of the conversation. In a neutral voice name the emotions people are feeling and the dynamics that are in play. Build trust by showing you’re aware of how you might be contributing to the problem.

• Agree on something. If you’re in the middle of an intractable disagreement, find some small, preliminary thing you can agree on so you can at least take a step into a world of shared reality. (Tweet it!)
• Gratitude. Scan the scene for something for which you can thank somebody.
• Never threaten autonomy. If you give people an order — “Calm down” or “Be reasonable” — all they hear is that you’re threatening their freedom of expression, and they will shut down. Nobody ever grew up because someone screamed, “Grow up!”

What strategies do you use when negotiating in a contentious situation? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
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Being praised for a job well done can boost our brain with a feel-good surge and help us accomplish more (https://bit.ly/2DsinLa). But for many of us, accepting a compliment can feel awkward.
 
Research shows that we tend to dwell on failures more than compliments (https://bit.ly/2BVmxIk). Perhaps there is survival value in this, says Dr Kristin Neff, an educational psychologist at the University of Texas, Austin. According to Dr. Neff, “ancestors who were negative worrywarts were more likely to survive.” Compounding our squeamishness in the face of compliments is: 1) we don't want to seem like we’re egotistical or arrogant; and 2) our skills may come so naturally to us that we underestimate their value. (Tweet it!)
 
But compliments can be rich sources of information, giving us valuable feedback, and they have the capacity to create stronger relationships. So how can we accept complements graciously? Keep it short and positive with no self-deprecating comments. Try responses like: “Thank you, I’m glad you said that,” or “I appreciate your noticing,” or “Thanks for letting me know.” If you’re still afraid of looking swellheaded, or if you’re genuinely interested in more input, ask a follow-up question to show you value the compliment giver’s opinion and acknowledge there’s always room for improvement (https://nyti.ms/2rwoWnb),
 
How did you respond the last time someone paid you a compliment?  Did you try to deflect it, or did you accept it? Were you successful, and how did you do it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
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