Trapped in continual “doing mode?” You’re not alone. Here’s how to give yourself permission to pause… and think bigger.

So many of us are focused on doing mode — achieving goals and checking items off to-do lists. But better relationships, bigger-picture strategies, and creative thinking all depend on pausing and entering into spacious mode. 

Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Megan Reitz of Oxford University’s Said Business School, and John Higgins, director of research at The Right Conversation, share their research-based tips for making it easier and safer to occasionally switch modes.

• Give yourself permission:  Pausing requires a leap of faith at first, but soon its benefits will become clear.
• Train your mind: A mere 10 minutes of mindfulness practice daily will, over time, help you develop a capacity to pay attention differently.
• Practice guerilla spaciousness:  If your organization is relentlessly promoting doing, be stealthy. Develop small habits that allow you to shift into spacious mode under the radar. Try changing up your environment or scheduling pauses. 
• Ask bigger questions: Pose broader questions to yourself and others, e.g. “What have we not talked about that would help us work together better?”
• Choose good company:  While you cannot choose your work colleagues, spend more time when you can with individuals and groups that help you expand your thought processes and see things in new ways.

When was the last time you deliberately took a pause to create thinking time, and what were the results? To join the conversation, click on "comments" below.  We'd really like to hear from you.

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Friendships are so important, they can literally impact life and death…

Romance gets a lot of attention but, according to a growing body of research, friendships are critical to our health and well being. A review of 38 studies found that adult friendships, especially high-quality ones that provide social support and companionship, significantly predict wellness and can protect against mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Those benefits persist across the life span.

Friendships protect to some degree by altering the way we respond to stress. Our blood pressure can lower when we talk to a supportive friend. When we have a friend by our side while completing a tough task, we have less heart rate reactivity than those working alone. Friendships can also change our perspective. In one study, people even judged a hill to be less steep when accompanied by a friend.

Fortunately, research also suggests that friendships can be forged and maintained at any age. Even minimal social interactions can be powerful. So-called “weak ties” -- interactions we have with casual acquaintances -- can boost our health and sustain positivity.  

Isolation during the pandemic proved hard on nearly everyone, but it did focus scientific attention on how important human connection is across all ages and all spheres of life. 

Do you have friendships that nourish you, and do you actively make an effort to keep them going? Let us know if you’ve found a way to start new friendships as an adult. To join the conversation, click on "comments" below.

Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. 

Workplace bullying is real…and painful, too often leading to stress, burnout, and worse.  Here are 5 actions to stop it.
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Research from the Workplace Bullying Institute indicates that 30 percent of employees experience workplace bullying at some point, and of those targeted, 67% are at risk of losing their job. 

Bullying goes beyond incivility, writes Professor Jason Walker, a contributor to Forbes.  “It is calculated and deliberately aimed at causing harm.”  Its targets are often highly valued, competent employees who prefer to avoid conflict.  So, what can you do if you are a target?  Walker advises the following actions.

5 Actions To Stop Workplace Bullying:

1. Maintain emotional control:  Avoid reacting to provocation.  Step away, compose yourself, and consciously create your response.
2. De-escalate conflicts: Use respectful language to request the bully stop their behavior.  If things escalate, engage your supervisor.
3. Reach out to colleagues for support:  Confide in trusted co-workers.  They can help you to figure out how to respond to the bully and even serve as witnesses if necessary.
4. Keep records:  Document all details of bullying incidents.  Include time, date, and who was around.
5. Take care of yourself:  Prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.  Engage in activities that help you reduce stress. 

Have you experienced workplace bullying and how did you cope? To join the conversation, click on "comments" on below.

Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.

Young Americans are more unhappy these days, and a big reason is their lack of close friendships…

According to a Pew Research poll, only 32 percent of Americans ages 30 and younger say they have five or more close friends.  According to psychologist Esther Perel, this factor is a prime cause behind the many emotional problems affecting today’s youth.

Young people reported feelings of malaise and even hopelessness.  They attributed these feelings to social media, climate change concerns, and social immobility.  But loneliness cannot be discounted. “I think people are more lonely because they are less adept at being in relationships as that involves conflict, friction and differences,” Perel says. “An enormous amount of people are cutting off friends and family members like never before.”
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The benefits of friendship are numerous.  We learn a great deal about ourselves through relating to and partnering with others.  Moreover, friendships are investments.  For older generations, exchanging favors over time contributed to the formation of a mutually beneficial, face-to-face social network.  Today’s young people do not appear to be making these small investments.

“Relationships demand obligation,” Perel says. “Communities demand obligation.  Communities are not just there to serve our needs.  Your community gives you belonging in return for your obligation to the wellbeing of others.”

One key to maintaining friendships is having realistic expectations.  Being a positive presence 100 percent of the time is not a realistic expectation to have of others or a prerequisite for you to engage with them.  In fact, it can keep you from forming valuable connections.

Would you say you have five or more close friends, and how does having friends affect your happiness and well being?  To join the conversation, click on "comments" below.

Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022. 

Research suggests that asking questions that show you're listening is a great way to make conversations click.  Since not all questions are equal, here are 3 tips.
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Conversations help us forge and deepen connections.  And they are essential to our well being.  Sometimes, though, we avoid conversations because we fear they may become tedious, awkward, or even confrontational.  

Writing in the Journal of the American Psychological Association, Zara Abrams notes that one of the best ways to make conversations click is to ask questions.  But be conscious of how you do this:

• Avoid answering your own questions: Some people believe that asking a question makes their conversation partner feel included. But not waiting for a reply can actually alienate your listener. 

• Ask follow up questions:  Follow-up questions prove you were paying attention and show your conversation partner that you want to know more.  Speed daters who ask more follow-up questions are more likely to get a second date!  

• A good conversation has a good rhythm: A conversation can be like a dance.  It might speed up or slow down, and there may be pauses—like in a tango.  Effective listening tends to lead to moments of quiet, and that’s linked to higher satisfaction among participants.  When someone responds too quickly to something very thoughtful or personal, or not quickly enough when you were expecting a spirited back-and-forth, they aren’t "dancing" with you in an enjoyable way.

Do you have a go-to conversational style that works for you?  And what do you do to show you're listening?  To join the conversation, click "comments" below.

Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.