Can You Detect Counterfeit EQ?

It’s possible to fake emotional intelligence – like forgeries and knock-offs.  But there are 3 ways to spot counterfeit EQ, not just in others but also in yourself.
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Interacting from a place of emotional intelligence requires empathy, active listening, and self-awareness. But some leaders can counterfeit these emotions so skillfully that they can even fool themselves.

Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Ron Carucci, managing partner at Navalent and author of To Be Honest, says, “Our ability to express emotional intelligence is sometimes impaired by unacknowledged, unhealthy, emotional needs."  If you want to genuinely communicate emotional intelligence, pay attention to these 3 common imitations:

• A need to be the hero can masquerade as empathy.  A leader’s desire to demonstrate care can transcend healthy boundaries in unintended ways.  If your need to rescue and to be indispensable is paramount, you will not be able to give your team what they need:  coaching, guidance, and accountability.  “Compassionate understanding for the challenges of others is emotionally intelligent.  Rescuing them from the consequences of those challenges may be more cruel than kind.”

• A need to be right can be disguised as active listening.  Most leaders claim to want pushback and believe they listen to dissenting ideas.  But many would also admit that letting go of being right is hard, feeling like a loss of control and influence.  Leaders can feign listening while actually trying to lure others to their side without realizing they’re doing it.
• A need for approval can be dressed up as self-awareness.  When fueled by an unquenched desire for approval, self-awareness can warp into a self-serving dead end.  If your request for feedback from team members is experienced as a neurotic plea for affirmation, the team learns that the only right answer is “You’re doing great!”

How would you rate your EQ, as well as the leaders you work with most closely?  Are there ways to become even more authentic?  To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

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