 “There are very simple things you can change about your behavior -- as simple as memorizing a few basic words and concepts -- to leverage emotions and increase the odds that you'll achieve your goals.” So writes Bill Murphy Jr., contributing editor of Inc.. Murphy contends that people with high emotional intelligence keep five simple words in mind when they hope to be persuasive.
Which of these words resonate most with you, and why? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.
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 Do you want to stand out at work? Visibility is crucial for getting recognized by management, bolstering your reputation, and increasing opportunities for career growth. But getting noticed can be more challenging than ever if you are working remotely all or some of the time.
In “Five Ways to Increase Your Visibility at Work" Forbes contributor Caroline Castrillon provides useful tips for those who want to be noticed and to overcome “proximity bias” (when managers treat workers who are physically closer to them more favorably).
How do you ensure that you get noticed at work? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Life often presents us with good news/bad news scenarios. When we have to break such news to others, we tend to want to lead with the good stuff. But when Jeff Haden, contributing editor of Inc., polled his readers, most said they would rather hear bad news first.
The tendency to lead with good news is something researchers call “priming emotional-protection.” In non-research speak, this means: “This might go badly, so I'll ease into it.” If you have bad news to share, it's natural to seek to protect yourself from how other people may react. But often the goal of delivering bad news is to alert others about a potential issue, to resolve a situation, or to change a plan or direction. So take a moment to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Don't they deserve to know -- and the sooner the better -- of any problem that they are facing? Once people know that there is bad news, they can shift into problem-solving mode. And here is where the news deliverer can be especially helpful. What has already been done to fix the problem? For example, let’s say your company makes laptops, but one of your chip suppliers can’t deliver for a month. That's the bad news. But suppose the news deliverer now tells you that they have already alerted sales and customer service and have already reached out to alternative suppliers. That’s the good news. Now you can pitch in and offer suggestions. Do you tend to deliver bad news before good, or the other way around? Do you think you might alter your approach? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. Learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication with our online learning courses awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  There are countless ways to say “You're wrong.” Now imagine the altered dynamic that occurs with: “You’re right.” These two words are not an abdication of power. They don’t mean that you’re wrong, or that the other person is right about everything. But finding a way to make someone right, can gain you more influence.
Writing in Inc., behavioral scientist Nuala Walsh, confirms that validation is an underutilized leadership tool, and offers ways to make others right:
When was the last time someone told you that you were right, and how did it feel? Can you do the same? To join the conversation, click "comments" on above. Create lifetime communication mastery online, with our virtual programs, awarded International Gold for Best Hybrid Learning of 2022.  Holding audience attention during a presentation is always a challenge, and more so if you are giving it via Zoom. In a virtual setting, you cannot employ or read body language as much as you would in person, and your attendees might well be distracted by other things in their environment (kids, pets, beeping microwaves).
Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Carmine Gallo, instructor at the Harvard Graduate School of Design and author of Five Stars: The Communication Secrets to Get From Good to Great, offers tips for sharpening your presentation skills:
 Kacy Miller, President of CourtroomLogic Consulting, LLC, a jury and trial consulting firm, contends that every one of us has an innate tool we can use whenever we "put on our advocacy hat." That tool is our voice. "When used effectively," she writes (http://bit.ly/2p8XLNu), "our voice has the capacity to maintain our listeners' attention, persuade, and even evoke emotion." Variety is the key. Some strategies to consider:
Think of a speaker you enjoy - do they make the most of these techniques? What about a speaker you don't enjoy? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  In the 1970s, renowned psychologist Daniel Kahneman suggested giving government officials estimated probabilities of events. Looking back years later, Kahneman changed his mind, saying: “No one ever made a decision because of a number. They need a story.” (Tweet it!)
In the past year, many of us have been surprised by certain outcomes, many of them political, and we complain that our prediction models are incorrect. But the models are not incorrect: It is just that we tend to misinterpret numbers that tell us “this has a 10 percent chance of happening” as virtually no chance at all. In a New York Times column entitled “What I Was Wrong About This Year”, pundit David Leonhardt writes that probabilities “are inherently hard to grasp. That’s especially true for an individual event, like a war or election. People understand that if they roll dice 100 times, they will get some 1’s. But when they see a probability for one event, they tend to think: Is this going to happen or not? They then effectively round to 0 or to 100 percent.” But what if a probability came with a story? “Imagine that a forecast giving Candidate X a 10 percent chance included a prominent link, “How X wins.” It would explain how the polling could be off and include a winning map for X. It would all but shout: This really may happen.” As Leonhardt says, this won't eliminate confusion, but it might minimize it. “The rise of big data means that probabilities are becoming a larger part of life. And our misunderstandings have real costs.” Do you feel anecdotal explanations of probabilities would help you understand odds better? Have you ever used one, and can you give an example? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  We typically try to identify other people’s emotions through their facial expressions—eyes in particular. Eye contact is certainly critical in empathy, and many psychologists use the “Reading the Mind in the Eyes” exercise (where you detect subtle shifts in the looks people give you) to test empathy in their experiments. (http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/)
But The Washington Post reports that a new study by Michael Kraus of the Yale School of Management has found that our sense of hearing may be even stronger than sight when it comes to accurately detecting emotion. Kraus found we are more accurate when we hear someone’s voice than when we look only at their facial expressions, or see their face and hear their voice simultaneously. In other words, you may be able to sense someone’s emotional state even better over the phone than in person (Tweet it!). In several follow-up studies, Kraus focused on the reason why the voice—especially when it is the only cue—is such a powerful mode of empathy. Participants were asked to discuss a difficult work situation over a video conferencing platform, using either just the microphone or the mic and video. They were more accurate at detecting each other’s emotions in voice-only calls. When we only listen to voice, he found, our attention for subtleties in vocal tone increases. We simply focus more on the nuances we hear in the way speakers express themselves. So how can we get better at interpreting emotions in voices? The human ability to perceive nuances in voices is extremely sophisticated, research shows. But as with other communication skills, paying attention is key. The more you focus on audio cues, the more you will learn. Can you think of a situation where you were able to “read” important emotional information through someone’s voice alone? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion  When you want to present in a clear and confident way, “the happy midpoint is to speak extemporaneously, knowing the structure and the content very well, but choosing the exact words in the moment,”
writes Dr. Ken Broda-Bahm in Persuasive Litigator. Practicing on your feet—perhaps in front of a test audience is, says Broad-Bahn, the best way to reach the happy medium between memorization and improvisation. Producing is more active and more likely to stick, rather than passively reading content or editing notes and slides. Perhaps that is why even “covert rehearsal” (practicing in your imagination) enhances speaking performance. And a recent Canadian study—the first to focus on hearing your own voice—showed that even listening to yourself recorded can be effective (Tweet it!). What techniques do you use to prepare for a presentation? Have you tried covert rehearsal, practicing aloud or listening to your recorded voice? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  From wedding toasts to sales presentations to job interviews, situations where we are the focus of attention tend to generate churning stomachs and pounding hearts. Not even elite actors, athletes, and musicians are immune from performance anxiety—although many use it as fuel and thrive as the stakes rise.
“Research in this area has led to a number of insights that we can all use, whether we want to handle pressure more effectively in our professional lives, or simply get the better of our golf buddies,” writes Noa Kageyama, Ph.D., performance psychologist at the prestigious Julliard School (http://bit.ly/2AkfbyF).
What kinds of performance situations make you anxious and what do you do to handle your jitters? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  You know that moment when you’re in mid-conversation and can’t come up with the word you want to use? Later, it shows up in your consciousness, though it’s no longer relevant. Researchers call this the “tip of the tongue state.” It’s more or less universal and—good news—it is not a sign of dementia or Alzheimer’s.
“You can’t talk to anybody, in any culture, in any language, in any age group, that doesn’t know what you’re talking about” when you describe this state, Lise Abrams, a psychology professor at the University of Florida who’s studied the phenomenon for 20 years, told The New York Times. There are even occurrences among sign language users (called tip-of-the-finger states). We’re more likely to blank on words we use less frequently, and a common category of “tip of the tongue” words is proper names. “…One reason might be that proper names are arbitrary links to the people they represent, so people with the same name don’t possess the same semantic information the way that common nouns do,” Abrams said. The bad news is there’s not a whole lot we can do in the moment to jog our memory. But using certain words or names more often can make us less likely to forget. So if you can never seem to remember the name of your neighbor or co-worker down the hall, try saying their names out loud whenever you can (Tweet it!). Doing so might save you an awkward encounter. What methods do you use for recalling names? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  Have you ever noticed that when you confront someone with facts that challenge their deeply held beliefs, rather than changing their minds they often dig in their heels?
In a series of experiments by Dartmouth College professor Brendan Nyhan and University of Exeter professor Jason Reifler, the researchers identified a factor they call the Backfire Effect “in which corrections actually increase misperceptions among the group in question.” Why? “Because it threatens their worldview or self-concept.” If corrective facts only make matters worse, what can we do to persuade people who seem immovable? (Tweet it!) Michael Shermer, writing in the “Behavior and Society” column of Scientific American suggests: 1. keep emotions out of the exchange; 2. discuss, don't attack; 3. listen carefully and try to articulate the other position accurately; 4. be respectful; 5. acknowledge that you understand why someone might hold that opinion; and 6. try to show how accepting facts does not necessarily mean changing one’s worldview. What strategies do you employ when trying to persuade someone who does not share a common set of facts with you? Have you had any successes? To join the conversation, click "comments" above. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around communication mastery, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  “Every week, I get invited to another “must attend” business event sure to be full of important people who could affect my business. I know I should go, but it’s a chore. All too often, I end up standing in a corner clinging to the one person I know, feeling guilty that I’m not taking advantage of the situation.”
So writes Rebekah Campbell, CEO of Posse.com, a social search engine for which she—a self-confessed introvert—managed, shyness aside, to raise $3 million in start-up funding. Writing in The New York Times, Campbell says, ”I recognize the importance of this type of activity, so I stick to it — primarily because a few chance encounters at events have led to relationships that have made all the difference in my business. I have to accept that networking doesn’t come naturally to me…So I’ve developed techniques to help me form relationships and improve, even enjoy, the networking process.” Among her ideas:
Are you ever (even secretly) uncomfortable at networking events? What strategies do you use to overcome your reticence? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around communication mastery, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion  Most of us use so-called filler words like “um”, “uh” and “er” occasionally. They can occur when we are trying to think of the next thing to say, or when we are nervous and our thoughts get ahead of our words, or sometimes even to signal that what we are about to say is important.
The problem with filler words is they can become crutches, making us appear hesitant, tentative and unsure (Tweet it!). In a New York Times interview , Lisa B. Marshall, author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation compared their use to that of vulgarity: Occasional use is acceptable but frequent use may make listeners think the speaker is lazy about language. Marshall also says it matters when filler words occur. If they occur before a thought is expressed, the speaker is more likely to be perceived as lacking confidence or preparedness. If they occur in mid-thought, the speaker is judged less harshly. Also, speakers well known in their fields can get away with more filler words than can novices. What to do to curtail fillers? Awareness is the first step. Then, don't be afraid to substitute silence. Said Ms. Marshall, “That might be awkward at first, but it is better to have a moment of quiet than a distracting ‘you know’ or ‘um.’” We wholeheartedly agree that silence is an underutilized speaking tool. A few seconds of silence may seem long to a speaker at first, but the audience will not mind—in fact silence may add to power and dramatic impact. What are the “filler words” you use as defaults? What happens when you try substituting a moment of silence instead? To join the conversation, click "comments" below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.  Long before communication scientists began studying persuasion, 17th century philosopher Blaise Pascal said that when we wish to change a person’s mind, “we must notice from what side he views the matter, for on that side it is usually true, and admit that truth to him, then reveal to him the side on which it is false.”
In other words, meet your skeptics on their own turf (Tweet it!). If you want someone to adopt your point of view, first tell them where they are right, then tell them where their information is incomplete. Says Arthur Markman, psychology professor at The University of Texas at Austin, “One of the first things you have to do to give someone permission to change their mind is to lower their defenses and prevent them from digging in their heels...If I immediately tell you all the ways in which you’re wrong, there’s no incentive for you to co-operate. But if I start by saying, ‘You make a couple of really good points here, I think these are important issues,’ now you’re giving the other party a reason to want to co-operate as part of the exchange.” (http://bit.ly/2j1yIuT) Only when you have engagement based on some measure of common ground can you nudge opposite views toward your direction. Can you think of an occasion when someone successfully changed your mind? How did they do it, and what did you learn from their approach? To join the conversation, click comments below. If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion |
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