Kacy Miller, President of CourtroomLogic Consulting, LLC, a jury and trial consulting firm, contends that every one of us has an innate tool we can use whenever we "put on our advocacy hat." That tool is our voice. "When used effectively," she writes  (http://bit.ly/2p8XLNu), "our voice has the capacity to maintain our listeners' attention, persuade, and even evoke emotion." Variety is the key. Some strategies to consider:

• Rate: We tend to speed up our speech when nervous but listeners need time to process what we are telling them, especially when the content is new, complex or technical. (Tweet it!)

• Inflection: Monotony can be yawn-inducing and annoying. Vary the energy and emphasis you place on certain words.
• Pitch: Research shows that higher-pitched speech conveys a sense of excitement, fear, or nervousness. A lower-pitched voice communicates confidence, certainty, and calm. We all have a natural pitch, but we can shift it up or down when we want to persuade.
• Volume: Know when to turn the dial up or down. Often, people only think of increasing volume to persuade, but don't underestimate the power of a whisper If you want your audience to take notice and lean in.
• Pausing: Silence is a great tool for persuasion. By integrating carefully orchestrated pauses into your speaking, you are essentially speaking in all caps. It's an easy, effective way to let listeners know that what you just said (or are about to say) is important.

We agree with Miller when she says, "We spend hours preparing content for a speech, opening statement, oral argument, or even a client pitch. Make the most of your delivery by adding a healthy dose of vocal variety to your presentation. Your listeners will appreciate it."

Think of a speaker you enjoy - do they make the most of these techniques? What about a speaker you don't enjoy? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

In the 1970s, renowned psychologist Daniel Kahneman suggested giving government officials estimated probabilities of events. Looking back years later, Kahneman changed his mind, saying: “No one ever made a decision because of a number. They need a story.” (Tweet it!)

In the past year, many of us have been surprised by certain outcomes, many of them political, and we complain that our prediction models are incorrect. But the models are not incorrect: It is just that we tend to misinterpret numbers that tell us “this has a 10 percent chance of happening” as virtually no chance at all.

In a New York Times column entitled “What I Was Wrong About This Year”, pundit David Leonhardt writes that probabilities “are inherently hard to grasp. That’s especially true for an individual event, like a war or election. People understand that if they roll dice 100 times, they will get some 1’s. But when they see a probability for one event, they tend to think: Is this going to happen or not? They then effectively round to 0 or to 100 percent.”

But what if a probability came with a story? “Imagine that a forecast giving Candidate X a 10 percent chance included a prominent link, “How X wins.” It would explain how the polling could be off and include a winning map for X. It would all but shout: This really may happen.”

As Leonhardt says, this won't eliminate confusion, but it might minimize it. “The rise of big data means that probabilities are becoming a larger part of life. And our misunderstandings have real costs.”

Do you feel anecdotal explanations of probabilities would help you understand odds better? Have you ever used one, and can you give an example? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

We typically try to identify other people’s emotions through their facial expressions—eyes in particular. Eye contact is certainly critical in empathy, and many psychologists use the “Reading the Mind in the Eyes” exercise (where you detect subtle shifts in the looks people give you) to test empathy in their experiments. (http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/)
 
But The Washington Post reports that a new study by Michael Kraus of the Yale School of Management has found that our sense of hearing may be even stronger than sight when it comes to accurately detecting emotion. Kraus found we are more accurate when we hear someone’s voice than when we look only at their facial expressions, or see their face and hear their voice simultaneously. In other words, you may be able to sense someone’s emotional state even better over the phone than in person (Tweet it!).
 
In several follow-up studies, Kraus focused on the reason why the voice—especially when it is the only cue—is such a powerful mode of empathy. Participants were asked to discuss a difficult work situation over a video conferencing platform, using either just the microphone or the mic and video. They were more accurate at detecting each other’s emotions in voice-only calls. When we only listen to voice, he found, our attention for subtleties in vocal tone increases. We simply focus more on the nuances we hear in the way speakers express themselves.
 
So how can we get better at interpreting emotions in voices? The human ability to perceive nuances in voices is extremely sophisticated, research shows. But as with other communication skills, paying attention is key. The more you focus on audio cues, the more you will learn.
 
Can you think of a situation where you were able to “read” important emotional information through someone’s voice alone? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

When you want to present in a clear and confident way, “the happy midpoint is to speak extemporaneously, knowing the structure and the content very well, but choosing the exact words in the moment,”
writes Dr. Ken Broda-Bahm in Persuasive Litigator. Practicing on your feet—perhaps in front of a test audience is, says Broad-Bahn, the best way to reach the happy medium between memorization and improvisation.
 
Producing is more active and more likely to stick, rather than passively reading content or editing notes and slides. Perhaps that is why even “covert rehearsal” (practicing in your imagination) enhances speaking performance. And a recent Canadian study—the first to focus on hearing your own voice—showed that even listening to yourself recorded can be effective (Tweet it!).
 
What techniques do you use to prepare for a presentation? Have you tried covert rehearsal, practicing aloud or listening to your recorded voice? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

From wedding toasts to sales presentations to job interviews, situations where we are the focus of attention tend to generate churning stomachs and pounding hearts. Not even elite actors, athletes, and musicians are immune from performance anxiety—although many use it as fuel and thrive as the stakes rise.

“Research in this area has led to a number of insights that we can all use, whether we want to handle pressure more effectively in our professional lives, or simply get the better of our golf buddies,” writes Noa Kageyama, Ph.D., performance psychologist at the prestigious Julliard School (http://bit.ly/2AkfbyF).
 

• Reappraisal: Studies show that those who interpret anxiety as “excitement” perform better. So, the next time you start to feel nervous, try saying “I’m excited” to yourself instead of trying to calm down (Tweet it!).
• Pre-performance practice: Research suggests that to perform better under pressure, we must also practice under pressure. Try practicing your speech in front of coworkers in the break room.
• Pre-performance routines: Have you ever noticed that basketball players all seem to go through some sort of ritual before shooting a free throw? Studies show that doing so helps them make the shot. So, whether it’s something as simple as taking a few deep breaths, or visualizing how you want to perform, a pre-performance routine can be a valuable tool for improving consistency under pressure.

What kinds of performance situations make you anxious and what do you do to handle your jitters? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

You know that moment when you’re in mid-conversation and can’t come up with the word you want to use? Later, it shows up in your consciousness, though it’s no longer relevant. Researchers call this the “tip of the tongue state.” It’s more or less universal and—good news—it is not a sign of dementia or Alzheimer’s.
 
“You can’t talk to anybody, in any culture, in any language, in any age group, that doesn’t know what you’re talking about” when you describe this state, Lise Abrams, a psychology professor at the University of Florida who’s studied the phenomenon for 20 years, told The New York Times. There are even occurrences among sign language users (called tip-of-the-finger states).

We’re more likely to blank on words we use less frequently, and a common category of “tip of the tongue” words is proper names. “…One reason might be that proper names are arbitrary links to the people they represent, so people with the same name don’t possess the same semantic information the way that common nouns do,” Abrams said.

The bad news is there’s not a whole lot we can do in the moment to jog our memory. But using certain words or names more often can make us less likely to forget. So if you can never seem to remember the name of your neighbor or co-worker down the hall, try saying their names out loud whenever you can (Tweet it!). Doing so might save you an awkward encounter.

What methods do you use for recalling names? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

Have you ever noticed that when you confront someone with facts that challenge their deeply held beliefs, rather than changing their minds they often dig in their heels?
 
In a series of experiments by Dartmouth College professor Brendan Nyhan and University of Exeter professor Jason Reifler, the researchers identified a factor they call the Backfire Effect “in which corrections actually increase misperceptions among the group in question.” Why? “Because it threatens their worldview or self-concept.”
 
If corrective facts only make matters worse, what can we do to persuade people who seem immovable? (Tweet it!) Michael Shermer, writing in the “Behavior and Society” column of Scientific American suggests:
 
            1. keep emotions out of the exchange;
            2. discuss, don't attack;
            3. listen carefully and try to articulate the other position accurately;    
            4. be respectful;
            5. acknowledge that you understand why someone might hold that opinion; and
            6. try to show how accepting facts does not necessarily mean changing one’s worldview.
 
What strategies do you employ when trying to persuade someone who does not share a common set of facts with you? Have you had any successes? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around communication mastery, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

“Every week, I get invited to another “must attend” business event sure to be full of important people who could affect my business. I know I should go, but it’s a chore. All too often, I end up standing in a corner clinging to the one person I know, feeling guilty that I’m not taking advantage of the situation.”
 
So writes Rebekah Campbell, CEO of Posse.com, a social search engine for which she—a self-confessed introvert—managed, shyness aside, to raise $3 million in start-up funding. Writing in The New York Times, Campbell says, ”I recognize the importance of this type of activity, so I stick to it — primarily because a few chance encounters at events have led to relationships that have made all the difference in my business. I have to accept that networking doesn’t come naturally to me…So I’ve developed techniques to help me form relationships and improve, even enjoy, the networking process.”
 
Among her ideas:
 

• Have short conversations with a lot of people; follow up later (Tweet it!);
• Focus on what you’re good at (it may not be your “ability to charm”);
• Know that a few close relationships trump a superficial network of hundreds or thousands.

 
Are you ever (even secretly) uncomfortable at networking events? What strategies do you use to overcome your reticence? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around communication mastery, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion
​

Most of us use so-called filler words like “um”, “uh” and “er” occasionally. They can occur when we are trying to think of the next thing to say, or when we are nervous and our thoughts get ahead of our words, or sometimes even to signal that what we are about to say is important.
 
The problem with filler words is they can become crutches, making us appear hesitant, tentative and unsure (Tweet it!). In a New York Times interview , Lisa B. Marshall, author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation compared their use to that of vulgarity: Occasional use is acceptable but frequent use may make listeners think the speaker is lazy about language.
 
Marshall also says it matters when filler words occur. If they occur before a thought is expressed, the speaker is more likely to be perceived as lacking confidence or preparedness. If they occur in mid-thought, the speaker is judged less harshly. Also, speakers well known in their fields can get away with more filler words than can novices.
 
What to do to curtail fillers? Awareness is the first step. Then, don't be afraid to substitute silence. Said Ms. Marshall, “That might be awkward at first, but it is better to have a moment of quiet than a distracting ‘you know’ or ‘um.’”
 
We wholeheartedly agree that silence is an underutilized speaking tool. A few seconds of silence may seem long to a speaker at first, but the audience will not mind—in fact silence may add to power and dramatic impact.
 
What are the “filler words” you use as defaults? What happens when you try substituting a moment of silence instead? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

Long before communication scientists began studying persuasion, 17th century philosopher Blaise Pascal said that when we wish to change a person’s mind, “we must notice from what side he views the matter, for on that side it is usually true, and admit that truth to him, then reveal to him the side on which it is false.”

In other words, meet your skeptics on their own turf (Tweet it!). If you want someone to adopt your point of view, first tell them where they are right, then tell them where their information is incomplete.
 
Says Arthur Markman, psychology professor at The University of Texas at Austin, “One of the first things you have to do to give someone permission to change their mind is to lower their defenses and prevent them from digging in their heels...If I immediately tell you all the ways in which you’re wrong, there’s no incentive for you to co-operate. But if I start by saying, ‘You make a couple of really good points here, I think these are important issues,’ now you’re giving the other party a reason to want to co-operate as part of the exchange.” (http://bit.ly/2j1yIuT)

Only when you have engagement based on some measure of common ground can you nudge opposite views toward your direction.

Can you think of an occasion when someone successfully changed your mind? How did they do it, and what did you learn from their approach? To join the conversation, click comments below.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

When it comes to persuading others, appearing confident matters – even as much as competence. If we’re feeling less than fully confident in a situation, there are still many things we can do to project self-assurance.
 
Writing in Forbes, career counselor Amy Blank offers tips for exuding confidence with your body language—even before you utter one word (Tweet it!):

​

• Lock eyes – Eye contact makes the people you are speaking with feel important.
• Offer a firm handshake – and reach out to initiate it.
• Stand up straight – Don’t rest on an inanimate object.
• Keep both feet on the ground – Crossing legs or shifting weight can make you appear nervous.
• Take up space with your hands – The more space you take up, the more confident you may appear.
• Claim a seat at the table – If you are invited to a meeting, avoid those overflow chairs along the walls.

 
And here’s the best part: It is possible to act ourselves into new ways of feeling (Tweet it!). As you perform these simple actions, you may actually begin to feel more confident!
 
We want to hear: What strategies do you use to appear more confident than you may actually feel? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

How we react to negative feedback can determine our influence, our impact and even our legacy. If we perceive criticism as a personal attack or if we berate ourselves for being less than perfect, our reaction prevents us from receiving the potential benefits.
 



Writing in the Harvard Business Review, William Treseder, founding partner at BMNT consultancy in Silicon Valley, suggests trying these strategies instead:
 

• Embrace your emotions – You might be upset, but that will subside.
• Don’t demonize – The person who gave you feedback cared enough to do so.
• Prioritize – Decide which parts of the feedback are worth tackling.
• Piggyback on a skill – Evaluate how you currently behave and identify a way to improve.
• Commit – Hold yourself personally accountable.

 
“When someone helps you identify your weaker areas,” says Treseder, “the habit of using their feedback to slingshot your growth will let you make huge strides over time.”
 
We want to hear: Can you offer an example of how embracing negative feedback led to improvement on your part? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Everyone uses filler words, like “um” and “ah”—from Kim Kardashian to Barack Obama. When we are speaking spontaneously, we probably use them every five seconds.

Filler words “appear in every language and every culture,” says Steven D. Cohen an assistant professor of Communication at the University of Baltimore. And although they have a “bad reputation” recent research suggests they may have benefits--aiding listener recall and comprehension. Filler words in moderation can be a tool for persuasion and influence.  The secret is knowing which words to use, managing frequency, and consciously choosing where they occur in a sentence.

Cohen adds that any type of filler words used mid-sentence, are less noticeable than those used at the beginning or end. To eliminate the use of filler words at the start or end of a thought, or to cut down on their use significantly, Cohen recommends recruiting listeners to clap when you use a filler word so you can get into the habit of omitting them. His most salient tip, however, is replacing filler words with a pause. “A simple pause can have a dramatic impact on our filler word use and how other people perceive us.”

We want to hear: Do you notice when others use filler words? Do you mind? Do you feel you use them too much, and if so how have you tried to reduce this? To join the conversation, click "comments" below.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

With so much noise out there, how can your message be heard? In her new book, Impossible to Ignore: Creating Memorable Content to Influence Decisions, cognitive scientist Carmen Simon, PhD, says it is crucial to craft messages according to how the human brain works.
 
“Most people worry about not remembering the past,” says Simon ”In business, what we should be worried about is whether our audiences remember us in the future…where decisions happen.” When we attempt to influence people, our audiences are likely to make decisions about our messages at a future point. This point can be minutes, weeks, or months later. The key ingredient to business success is people remembering us in the future, and making a decision in our favor.
 
Simon notes that memory works via associations. The stronger the associations we enable, the more likely someone will take the action we want them to take. Her advice: Be clear what it is you want your audience to remember and implant cues (verbal, visual, audio) that will stick. Memorable phrases (“Get curious, not furious”) and content that makes people smile are two winners.
 
We want to hear: What techniques do you use to get people to remember the essence of your message? What are some cues that you remembered and that caused you to take action? To join the conversation, click "comments" below on our Community of Practice Forum.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

We’ve heard a lot lately about the power of stories, and about how the content of a good story stays with listeners more than any other type of information (e.g. facts, statistics, or even analogies). Now scientists are beginning to understand why.

 
According to a recent New York Times article, scientists recently mapped the experience of listening to podcasts, (specifically NPR’s “The Moth Radio Hour”) using a scanner to track brain activity. They laid out a detailed map of the brain as it absorbed and responded to each story: “Widely dispersed sensory, emotional and memory networks were humming, across both hemispheres of the brain; no story was ‘contained’ in any one part of the brain, as some textbooks have suggested.”

The researchers broke the stories into units of meaning—e.g. social elements, locations and emotions—and found that these concepts fell into 12 categories that tended to cause activation in the same parts of people’s brains at the same points throughout the stories. They then retested that model by seeing how it predicted M.R.I. activity while the volunteers listened to another Moth story. The “kaleidoscope of activation” explains why any of us can get so utterly entranced by a good tale that time flies as we listen to it—yet we remember it long after.

We want to hear: Have you ever felt completely engrossed when listening to a good story? Do you use stories in your business life, and do you have a favorite you’d like to share? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion