Change 1 word to magnify your impact

Ever been in a situation where you’re getting resistance to your opinion? Try switching from “you” to “we”.

New research from Stanford University reveals how using “you” versus “we” affects how people respond to messages in settings such as online forums and a simulated workplace scenario.

Their findings are notable: In adversarial contexts that held the potential for disagreement or conflict, messages that used “you” and “your” were less persuasive, less likely to be shared, and more likely to be censored than ones that employed “we” and “our.” People who participated in the study were also less inclined to interact or engage with the sources of messages that used “you” rather than “we.”

“We’re not saying that ‘you’ invariably leads to worse outcomes,” study co-author Mohamed Hussein cautions. “We’re saying that when ‘you’ is used in an adversarial or conflict-ridden context, it has the potential to inadvertently lead to negative consequences.”  “We” is more inclusive and lands less aggressively.  “Most people would rather talk to a person who says ‘we got this wrong’ than ‘you got this wrong',” says the study’s other co-author, Zakary Tormala. 

Tormala and Hussein advise that if you’re trying to reach someone with an opposing view, be sure to signal that you are open to their perspective. Managing your pronouns is just one way to do that.  

What results occur when you change “you” messages to “we” messages? To join the conversation, click on "comments" above -- we'd love to hear from you!

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