Do You Know How Much People Like You?

Too often we underestimate how much others like us, and our anxieties can lead us to assume the worst. This “liking gap,” has important implications for how people work together.

Across nearly 10 years of research and tens of thousands of observations, Erica Boothby of the Wharton School and four associates came to this conclusion: People underestimate how much others like them, and this negative bias  has important implications for how people work together. Once you assume you’ve made a bad first impression, this gap may persist long past initial conversations, affecting all kinds of relationships, including those with co-workers. 

Why don’t people realize just how positively others actually view them? The researchers think self-critical thoughts are a key culprit. What can you do to better align your beliefs with reality? There’s no simple answer, they say, but when it comes to having conversations with others — whether small talk or more formal encounters — one place to start is shifting your focus of attention.

“Try to zoom in on your conversation partner, be genuinely curious about them, ask them more questions, and really listen to their answers. The more you’re zeroed in on the other person, and the less you’re focused on yourself, the better your conversation will be and the less your mind will turn to all the things you think you didn’t do well.”

What kind of first impression do you think you usually make? Has your self-assessment ever been disproven? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  We would love to hear from you!

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