A Gallup report reveals that millennial career happiness is down while disengagement at work climbs: 71% of Millennials aren't engaged on the job, and half of all those employed plan to leave within a year. Bosses carry the responsibility for 70% of employee engagement variances.
 
When Millennial employees feel supported by their boss, their happiness on the job soars — as does company success. (Tweet it!) But building a healthy relationship involves the efforts of both parties. Writing in Forbes, “Under 30” columnist Sarah Landrum advises, “When you’re first hired, you should get to know your company’s culture and closely watch your boss as you learn the ropes.” Among variables to consider:

• Mood: Does your boss need coffee to start the day? If you see other employees lay low before the boss gets caffeinated, you should stay under the radar too.
• Communication: Don’t wait too long to break important news. In-depth topics may be scheduled for a meeting through a phone call or email rather than a surprise visit.
• Leadership: What kind of leader is your boss? Command leaders make decisions without input or challenge from others. Participative leaders value the input of team members, although many decisions remain with the boss after considering individual input. Know what you’re dealing with, and adapt your approach.
• Emotional Style: Some bosses are more emotionally reinforcing than others. Some might seem cold, but are actually just analytical. If you’re more focused on interpersonal relationships, that’s your strength, but your boss might have a very different style.

 
Do you think your relationship with your boss could be improved? What actions are you taking to make that happen? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Aaarrgghhh! Sometimes you just want to rant, right? Everyone needs to blow off steam at times. (Tweet it!) Writing in The New York Times, Carl Richards, author of the book The Behavior Gap, suggests that ranting can be a good thing…”But only if you do it right. If you do it wrong, the consequences can cost you your job, your friendships or even your marriage (https://nyti.ms/2kfHQuH).

To rant productively, says Richards, follow four guidelines:

1. Do. Not. Send: If you have the slightest doubt about emailing or posting a written rant, don’t. Just writing is cathartic.
2. Find A Friend: Instead of ranting to the person you’re frustrated with (or to the whole world), rant to someone you trust. (And if you want to rant about a co-worker, don’t do it to another co-worker. Your rant witness should be completely detached from the subject.)
3. Not in public. Grab your friend and go somewhere quiet. Nobody is at their best when ranting. Why put that on display?
4. Don’t expect a rant to fix things. Your rant will not change the issue or the person you are frustrated with. Think of ranting as something you do with the purpose of changing yourself. Get it all out. Once you purge, you can start thinking about next steps.

So, here’s our own addition:
​         Draft a conscious conversation. After your rant has cleared your head and emotions, begin to consciously consider how to raise the issue with the subject of your rant. Or, if you decide that it was as much about you as that person, put it away and move on.

What’s the last thing you ranted about, and how, where, and with whom did you do it? Did it help to get it off your chest? Did you follow up with the person who upset you? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

These days, everyone’s a critic! And research suggests we’re more likely to give credence to negative reviews than positive ones. (Tweet it!) But just how credible are those one-star slams?
 
Online buyers, trip planners, moviegoers…we all use online reviews to help us choose. In fact, the Pew Research Center found that 82 percent of American adults say they sometimes or always read online reviews for new purchases. But while more than two-thirds of regular review readers believe they’re “generally accurate,” marketing data indicate that negative reviews in particular dramatically influence our buying behaviors. And research on the biases and demographics of online reviewers suggests our faith in reviews is misguided.
 
Consumers, wary of “fake” 5-star reviews, value negative ones as a “window into what could go wrong,” writes Caroline Beaton in The New York Times. But the credibility of all reviews — even real ones — is questionable. A 2016 study published in The Journal of Consumer Research looked at whether online reviews reflected objective quality as rated by Consumer Reports. The researchers found very little correlation. Reviews are subjective, circumstantial, emotional and written by a tiny subset of the population (1.5 percent).
 
Reviews can be helpful, of course, but it's wisest to look at those closest to the median. Also pay heed to facts rather than impressions. Finally, look for thorough reviews whose authors seem driven by a genuine desire to help.
 
Have you ever written a negative review—and under what circumstances? Do you tend to read and heed negative reviews over positive ones? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

A new study in Science quantifies the spread of Twitter rumors. Previous research tracked rumors after specific events, like the false information that swirled around the Boston Marathon bombing. In this more wide-ranging study, a team of researchers at MIT tracked falsehoods and truths using a database of every tweet written from 2006 to 2017. Bottom line: False news moves through Twitter “farther, faster, deeper and more broadly” than the truth. (Tweet it!)

As reported in The Washington Post, MIT professor Sinan Aral and colleagues observed that, “even the farthest-reaching true rumors rarely spread to more than 1,000 people. But the top 1 percent of falsehoods routinely had audiences of 1,000 to 100,000 people.” Politics got the most attention among true and false rumors, they discovered.

The study authors hypothesized that falsehoods contain more novelty than truth. To that end, they measured the “information uniqueness” of rumors and discovered that false rumors were more likely to contain new, but incorrect, information. It's easier to be novel when you’re unconstrained by reality,” Aral said.

Have you ever been seduced by a false Twitter rumor, or even retweeted it? Why do you think you gave it credence? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Why do most people quit their jobs? More than any other reason—more so than not liking their jobs or even not liking their bosses—it’s because they feel unappreciated. (Tweet it!)
 
According to a study by Accenture, cited by Forbes (https://bit.ly/2M0iwES), 43 percent of employees cite lack of recognition as their key reason for heading for the door. As Forbes contributor Alan Hall writes, “When your employees say to themselves and others, ‘Where’s the love?’ you’ve got a problem.”
 
We’ve spoken for decades about the positive power of appreciation. Telling people when their efforts have made a difference, and giving them the kudos they deserve is a powerful motivator. But beyond this, not doing so is a powerful deterrent to job satisfaction. Bottom line: You simply cannot overestimate the power of genuine and timely praise, recognition and gratitude.
 
Have you ever quit a job or been tempted to do so because you felt under-appreciated? How do you make those around you feel appreciated? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

A recent meta-analysis in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin analyzed 26 studies on work and friendship, concluding that teams made up of friends tended to perform better than teams made up of strangers. (Tweet it!)

That said, workplace friendships can be tricky to navigate. Jessica Methot, associate professor of human resource management at Rutgers University, has long studied such relationships. Her 2015 study also confirmed that work friendships are valuable, and that employees who experience “multiplex relationships” (i.e. genuine friendships with direct co-workers) receive higher performance reviews. But these same employees also tended to report more emotional exhaustion.

As Melissa Dahl, writing in the New York Times explained, “You’re playing two roles at once: friend and colleague. Friends unconditionally support each other, but colleagues can’t always do that, especially when their own reputation is at stake. It can be draining to have to decide which role to play, and when.”

Work advice columnist Alison Green, who answers questions about all sorts of uncomfortable office issues on her site Ask a Manager, says that if you are in an awkward situation with a work friend you are (gulp!) going to have to talk to them. It sounds simple, but we know how resistant many people are to raising delicate issues. Approached the right way, however, conscious conversations will strengthen bonds. Choose a time when you are not angry or tired, edit out accusative language, and work together to co-create a solution.

Do you have direct co-workers who are also close friends? How well do you think you communicate about sensitive work-related matters—and if you do it well, what is your secret? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

We’ve heard that failure is a necessary part of success. (Tweet it!) Now a study in the journal Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience adds a new twist. It finds that reflecting on past failures—by writing about them—may help us stay calm in the face of new challenges.

According to an article in Forbes  researchers from Rutgers, The University of Pennsylvania and Duke predicted that writing about a past failure would actually reduce a person’s stress level during a stressful situation in the present, whereas writing about a random topic would have no effect.

To stress the participants, they subjected them to well-known social stress tests, such as preparing a speech in five minutes, which they had to deliver in front of a “speech expert.” As predicted, people who’d written about a past failure didn’t show the typical stress response (measured by the stress hormone cortisol) compared to the control group, who’d written about movie plots. The former group also did better on the tests of attention.

Why does this connection exist? The researchers say that “writing about failures may make a new stressor seem subjectively less stressful by comparison.” In other words, reflecting on past stresses makes new ones seem not so bad.

Have you ever used expressive writing to help you process a disappointment at work or in your personal life? What was its effect? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Have you asked anyone to give 110 percent lately? Or, to think outside the box? If so, your words might be having a counter-productive effect.
 
According to a OnePoll survey of 2,000 American workers on behalf of communications technology provider Jive Communications  https://wapo.st/2wZu20P, 27 percent of American workers acknowledged tuning out people who use this kind of jargon.

We’re all guilty of resorting to workplace clichés at times. (Tweet it!) In fact, 72 percent admitted to habitually using these phrases. As John Pope, a senior vice president of Jive Communications says: “These phrases aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.” But, he added, “Our goal should be to use such jargon sparingly.” (https://fxn.ws/2FhGmbl).

Here are the Top 10 phrases in order of cringe-worthiness:

1.  Give 110 percent
2.  Think outside the box
3.  Hammer it out
4.  Heavy lifting
5.  Throw them under the bus
6.  Don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched
7.  Pushing the envelope
8.  Let the cat out of the bag
9.  Let’s circle back
10.  Win-win situation

When’s the last time you heard one of the above phrases and what was your reaction? When was the last time you used one, and how might you cut back? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Countless couples will marry this June. Not all of them will live happily ever after. But there is a scientific secret to maintaining lasting and fulfilling relationships. Researchers say: Simply be kind. (Tweet it!)
 
“Longitudinal, experimental and evolutionary science all testify to the surprising power of kindness,” says Doug Carnine, PhD (www.feedkindness.com), University of Oregon Professor Emeritus and author of the book How Love Wins. Decades of research point to the centrality of kindness in stable, long-lasting relationships. In fact, kindness can even contribute to longevity itself.
 
A study of 423 married seniors over a five-year period found that those who showed the most kindness to their spouses cut their risk of dying in half. In one study, researchers created small wounds on the arms of couples; the wounds literally healed faster in couples that were kinder to each other. As one researcher wrote, “The benefits of kindness may be more important than what you think, more so than regular physical activity and following a nutritious diet.” 
 
Being kind might be easier than you imagine. Carnine contends that we actually have a kindness instinct. “It’s one of our four basic human instincts that has evolved over thousands of years. The other three are survival, success and reproduction. The title of a recent article in Scientific American underscored the importance of the kindness instinct: Forget survival of the Fittest. It’s Kindness that Counts.”
 
What’s the last kind thing you said or did for someone close to you? Can you remember receiving a kind act? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

It can be hard to say no, both because we want to accommodate people and also because we are sometimes insecure about standing up for our own priorities. (Tweet it!) Consequently, we can end up taking on too much, and perhaps avoiding people we fear will ask us to do more.

But Chikodi Chima, a former VentureBeat staff reporter who helps startups with their public relations and marketing, contends that saying no is saying yes to freedom. “Having the confidence and foresight to say no makes you stand out.  When you have clear goals, it’s easier to say no.” (https://bit.ly/2IiB6dX) Chima quotes Steve Jobs as an example of someone who used the power of “no” wisely. “I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things we have done,” Jobs said at the 1997 Worldwide Developers Conference. “Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.” 

Sure, we want to be liked and we don't want to offend. But in the end, don’t we also want to do what we truly believe in? If so, then “no” is one of they keys to success, says Chima. “The more clear our goals become, the easier and more powerful each no becomes. Saying ‘no’ takes practice, and it may backfire, but to me it’s the ultimate sign of maturity.”
 
When was the last time you said no to someone else so you could pursue what mattered more to you? How did that experience turn out? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Loneliness at work impairs mood and health — and hurts productivity and the bottom line. The economic damage caused when employees suffer feelings of isolation may soon worsen as offices become more automated and more people work remotely (https://wapo.st/2ESB9qa).

The share of American adults who say they're lonely has doubled since the 1980s to 40 percent, says AARP. Though the U.S. doesn't track the financial effect of disconnected workers, researchers in Britain, which recently appointed a Minister of Loneliness, estimate the penalty to businesses can reach $3.5 billion annually (including higher turnover and heftier health-care costs). 

Among the loneliest professions: lawyers, engineers, and research scientists, followed by workers in food services, libraries, and education. Even though these jobs do involve human contact, a lack of true camaraderie takes a significant toll.
 
Social forces may be engendering increasing isolation, but awareness is key. (Tweet it!) Managers should actively search for ways to create emotionally open cultures, where employees feel safe to talk about issues and have opportunities to bond.
 
Do you ever feel lonely at work? What could be done to alleviate that loneliness? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

In a classic study, 80 percent of surveyed drivers ranked their driving skills as “above average.” The tendency to over-estimate our own skills is known as the Dunning-Kruger Effect.


In essence, this effect means the less skilled we are at something, the less likely we are to recognize how unskilled we truly are. (Tweet it!) We overestimate our abilities, and, worse still, our blind spot assures that we never know what we need to correct.

On the flip side is the Imposter Syndrome: Those who are exceptionally skilled at something can sometimes assume everyone else is at their level, making them unaware of their exceptional abilities. And the better we get at something, the more likely we are to see how much we can improve, which can lead us to underestimate ourselves.
 
How can we gain a realistic view of our capabilities? Writing in the The New York Times, editor Tim Herrara suggests two strategies:

• Ask for feedback. Outside input, even if tough to hear, is crucial to illuminating our blind spots.
• Keep learning. The more knowledge we have about something, the more we’re likely to identify gaps in our understanding.

 
Can you think of an instance where you overestimated or underestimated yourself? How did you do a reality check? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Joining an organization means adapting to its culture. But most organizations don’t reveal their unspoken cultural rules to newcomers, and job seekers are often more focused on job descriptions, benefits, and new bosses. (Tweet it!) But organizational norms have a profound influence on an individual’s success. Writing in the Harvard Business Review, Allen H Church, senior vice president of Global Talent Assessment and Development at PepsiCo, and Claremont McKenna professor Jay A. Conger list five dimensions of culture that warrant attention:

1. Relationships: Is work done collaboratively or solo? Are co-workers friendly and willing to help you make connections?
2. Communication: Does communication occur more through formal channels or spontaneously? Must you “pre-clear” communication through a hierarchy?
3. Decision Making: Are decisions made by consensus or handed down? Is there a bias toward taking action or for lots of analyzing?
4. Individual vs. Groups Perspectives: Is there a “hero mentality” that supports ambitious individuals or a propensity for sharing risks and rewards?
5. Change Agents: Does the organization want newcomers to “shake things up?” How quickly does it want change to occur?

 
No one will spell these things out for you, so pay attention! if you want to be effective and respected, notice not just what your colleagues do, but also how they do it.
 
Have you ever joined an organization where the culture took you by surprise? What adaptations did you have to make to fit in? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

Being called on unexpectedly during a meeting can be uncomfortable or even embarrassing. But it doesn’t have to be either. In fact, it can be an opportunity to excel. (Tweet it!)
 
Writing in The Harvard Business Review, Paul Axtell, author of the book Meetings Matter, says, ”Instead of hoping your boss or the person leading the meeting won’t put you on the spot, prepare yourself for this unexpected opportunity to shine.” His advice:

• Carefully prepare for each meeting and trust yourself;
• Start slowly and set up your comments (e.g. “I have three points to make”);
• Give yourself permission to think out loud (e.g. “There’s something I’ve been considering that I don’t have absolute clarity on yet, but I’d like us to think about.”);
• Have set responses at the ready, including:

            --“Please say a bit more about what you’re asking.”
            -- “I don’t have that information, but it’s important and I will get it to   you.”
            -- “I want to be sure that I understand your main concern. Is it…?”
            -- “Did I answer your question, or would you like to follow up?”
 
Have you ever been put on the spot in a meeting? How did you handle it? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion

In the biblical story, what was Jonah swallowed by?

How many animals of each kind did Moses take on the Ark?




If you answered whale and two, know that most people do… even though they are well aware that, according to the Bible, Noah, not Moses, built the ark. Psychologists call this the Moses Illusion. Well-studied since the 1980s, this cognitive snafu is just one example of how we are bad at spotting factual errors. Even when we know the correct information, we often fail to notice errors--and will even go on to use that incorrect information in other situations. (Tweet it!)

Writing in The Washington Post  psychologist Lisa Fazio explains that while a glaring error would be spotted by most (e.g. “Nixon built the ark”), more subtle pieces of misinformation are likely to slip by. This is because: 1) we have a general bias to believe things are true; and 2) we tend to go with the flow and accept “good enough” information as long as it’s close enough to the correct information.
 
As Fazio writes, “Detecting and correcting false information is difficult work and requires fighting against the ways our brains like to process information. Critical thinking alone will not save us. Our psychological quirks put us at risk of falling for misinformation, disinformation and propaganda.” We cannot overestimate the value of professional fact-checkers who ferret out incorrect information in public view, she adds. “They are one of our best hopes for zeroing in on errors and correcting them, before the rest of us read or hear the false information and incorporate it into what we know of the world.”
 
Can you think of a time when you were misled by misinformation, and perhaps even passed it on? Why do you think you were taken in, and how did you learn the truth? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion