Arguing Well

These days there is plenty to argue about:  Politics, health, money, even the climate.  Some say we’re arguing too much; some say we’re not arguing enough. But the real problem is we are not arguing well.

​Bo Seo, a 28-year-old two-time world debating champion, says the problem of polarization stems from most arguments being “painful and useless… We spend more time vilifying, undermining and nullifying those who oppose us than we do trying to open or change their minds.” In his recent book, Good Arguments:  How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard, he argues that if more people took their cues from the world of competitive debate, it would be easier to get people to reconsider their views or at least consider those of others.

Writing in The New York Times, columnist Pamela Paul outlines some of Seo’s key principles:

• Know when to engage:  Arguments are easy to start and hard to end. So not every disagreement needs to be argued.
• Stick to the specific dispute at hand:  Otherwise the quarrel can spiral out of control, moving into ever-expanding topics.
• Proving someone wrong doesn’t mean you’re right:  Simply tearing down your opponent doesn’t prove your point. 
• Never let a bully dictate the terms of debate: If faced with a brawler —whose aim is, “not to persuade but to silence, marginalize and break the will of their opponents” — try to restore order. In other words, see above…or disengage from the interaction.

Do you think you could have done a better job during a recent argument?  What might you have changed? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  We really want to hear about your experiences.
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