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Communicating Morals to Children

5/27/2014

Parents from virtually all backgrounds place high importance on raising caring children. So what kind of messaging is most effective when it comes to influencing our children to be generous and kind? Role modeling!

In a classic experiment, psychologist J. Philippe Rushton gave 140 elementary and middle school children tokens for winning a game, which they could keep or donate to an impoverished child. They first watched a teacher play—and regardless of what the teacher said, or did not say, about the virtues of generosity, children donated significantly more than the norm when they saw the teacher behaving unselfishly.

Adam Grant, a professor of management and psychology at the Wharton School and author of Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, notes, “If you don’t model generosity, preaching it may not help in the short run, and in the long run, preaching is less effective than giving while saying nothing at all.” In short, when it comes to passing on our values, actions speak louder than words.

We want to hear: How do you encourage your children to be compassionate and giving? Join the conversation by clicking "comments" below.

3 Comments

Merry Bauman link

6/3/2014 02:29:42 am

I have raised a lot of kids, and being an example of caring for others, giving of yourself and your money or talents to help someone else, is one of the best ways to teach children to do the same.
At one point in my life, I was virtually homeless with five children to feed and care for. Both my husband and I had lost our jobs due to lay-offs, it was winter and we could not afford the cost of heat and electricity if we bought food and gas we had to have. We could not get any assistance or even food stamps. It was nearly Christmas, and we had been trying to stay in our old farm house with very crude heating methods that were not working well. My grandmother offered us her house, and the food in her freezer. She was staying with a daughter in another state. For Christmas presents, we either made or re-gifted gift certificates we had been given. It was a very lean time, and our children went thru some very hard times.
The next year at Christmas, we both had jobs and when we went Christmas shopping, each child offered to do without one of their presents, to buy a gift for another child to donate to the Salvation Army. The lady we gave them too nearly cried. She said families that know what it is to have nothing actually give more generously than those who have never known anything but plenty. My children are grown, have families of their own, and still give of themselves and what they have to help others. They have taught their children the importance of caring too. Selfish people never learn the joy of giving.
Not just buying things to impress people, but truly giving of themselves and their resources to help someone in need.
They are the losers. In my experience, God often uses us to pass something along to someone else who really needs it. I had a lottery ticket once that was worth $25. It was too late to cash it in, and the next day a friend called. He was out of work and had no money for medicine he needed. I told him I had no money, but I had food and gas, and a lottery ticket worth $25 he could have and cash in. I was grateful to be able to pass it on, and a couple of weeks later, I won $500 on a scratch off ticket. It got me the Catahoula puppy I had wanted but could not afford, and all her care for some time. She was my buddy for 12 1/2 yrs until she died. I don't know if there is a direct connection, but I truly believe that generosity is always rewarded, in some way.

Susan

6/5/2014 06:51:16 am

Thank you for this, Merry. It is inspiring how your life story and struggles have created such a generous and giving family. Guess it is true: the gift is in the giving.

6/5/2014 08:14:42 am

Thank you Susan. Example is the best way to lead children I think.
At least it was for me. When I went thru some rough things in life and was struggling with depression, I learned that you can't be depressed if you are doing something to help someone else, so I took a shut-in to the store, and gave of myself to help others.
You are right, sometimes the giving benefits the giver more than the person they help. That is hard to convey to kids, but helping serve food to the hungry at a shelter, or actually being able to see where their giving is directly helping someone else - is a powerful tool in teaching children to care for others and give with a generous hand.
There are so many opportunities out there now too - sadly.

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