Controlling Emotions in Tough Conversations

During conflict, it’s typical to move into a “flight or fight response.” Our brain is ‘hijacked’ by our amygdala, seat of fear and anxiety, and we may lose access to rational thinking. Our face may redden and our speech quicken — and because of “mirror neurons” the person to whom we are speaking may become agitated as well.  However, writing in the Harvard Business Review, Amy Gallo, author of The HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict, says, “It’s possible to interrupt this physical response, manage your emotions, and clear the way for a productive discussion.”
 
Here are some tips for calming yourself down once you’ve gotten worked up:

• Breathe: The simple mindfulness technique of focusing on the sensations of inhaling and exhaling can counter the physical signs of panic and keep you focused.
• Focus on your body: Standing up and walking around can help activate the thinking part of your brain. You might say, “I feel like I need to stretch some. Mind if I walk around a bit?”
• Try saying a mantra:  Come up with a phrase that you can repeat to remind yourself to stay calm, e.g. “Go to neutral” or “This will pass.”
• Acknowledge and label your feelings:  Distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions by naming them: “I am feeling angry because I have the thought that my co-worker is blaming me.” When you put space between you and your emotions it’s easier to let them go.
• Take a break: The more time you give yourself to process your emotions, the less intense they are likely to be.

 
How did you handle the last conversation you had when you were “worked up” and what do you wish you might have done differently? To join the conversation, click "comments" above (just below the picture).  We would really like to hear your feedback.

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