Don’t Apologize with these Six Words

If your job involves serving people, part of your work is dealing with their frustration. It's all too easy to take it personally, and—let’s face it—sometimes they do get personal. You may also find yourself having to solve a problem you didn’t create, and then offering an apology on top of that.
 
But stop yourself if you have a tendency to apologize using some form of these six words: “ I’m sorry you feel that way.”
 
Writing in Inc., columnist Jason Aten notes that saying this isn’t really an apology at all. “First, you can't actually be sorry for the way someone else feels. You can only be sorry for your own behavior and the things within your control. More important, however, is that the sentiment behind those words is something along the lines of: ‘Look, I don't know why you're being irrational about this. This isn't my fault, and I think it's ridiculous that you're upset with me.’”
 
Telling someone you're "sorry they feel that way" avoids responsibility for your role in the situation. So, what are your options?

• If you did something requiring an apology, apologize. "I'm really sorry I didn’t deliver on our promise." Own whatever it was, say you're sorry, and do what is necessary to fix it.
• If you didn't do anything wrong, recognize that in many cases, it may well still be up to you to offer a solution. In that case, don't apologize. Instead, try this: "I can see how this would be extremely frustrating. Let me see what I can do to fix this." This acknowledges the problem and their feelings. It doesn't cast judgment on those feelings but validates them and lets the person know that you've heard them and care about making the situation better.
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How did you handle the situation the last time you had to apologize to a dissatisfied colleague or customer? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

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