Facilitating Kindness

New York Times columnist David Brooks thinks Americans desperately need to find ways to be “less beastly” to one another—especially when negotiating disagreements. He recently researched and compiled some advice to promote cordiality and, yes, even kindness. Among his tips that resonate with our body of work:
 

• Don’t meet around a problem. Problems are backward-looking and lead to assigning blame. Instead, have a possibility conversation. Discuss how you can use the assets you have to create something good together.

• Attune to the process. When you’re in the middle of an emotional disagreement, shift attention to the process of the conversation. In a neutral voice name the emotions people are feeling and the dynamics that are in play. Build trust by showing you’re aware of how you might be contributing to the problem.

• Agree on something. If you’re in the middle of an intractable disagreement, find some small, preliminary thing you can agree on so you can at least take a step into a world of shared reality. (Tweet it!)
• Gratitude. Scan the scene for something for which you can thank somebody.
• Never threaten autonomy. If you give people an order — “Calm down” or “Be reasonable” — all they hear is that you’re threatening their freedom of expression, and they will shut down. Nobody ever grew up because someone screamed, “Grow up!”

What strategies do you use when negotiating in a contentious situation? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
 
If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our  online learning programs. 

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