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Impact of Biased Expectation

10/7/2013

What if you're working with someone whom you genuinely dislike? According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, our “biased expectancy” can create a self-fulfilling prophecy in any interaction you have with that person. In other words, because you don’t ever expect to respond positively to any idea they have—you won’t.

Ignoring the situation is unlikely to help. To break through your negative view and begin to improve the relationship, try initiating even casual dialogue. Let that person do most of the talking while you become a great listener. Make good eye contact, lean in, and ask questions. They will be drawn to you because of your interest in what they have to say—and you might even hear something that gets you to like them.

We want to hear from you! What happened when you tried this kind of casual curiosity with someone who you have typically not liked? Share your responses to this weekly discussion.

9 Comments

10/8/2013 04:43:06 am

I tried this and it works. It is amazing how much casual conversation and being an active listener helps transform a relationship.

susan and peter link

10/9/2013 02:26:52 am

Ed: You are the master of transforming relationships through the power of your dialogue and listening.

Merry

10/10/2013 02:56:32 am

I am really excited about this newsletter!!! Thanks for doing this.

A problem I would like to see addresssed is the way to deal best with the office "pot stirrer" who always tries to get something going around that creates unneeded drama, and also the way to deal with "overly dramatics" who always have to have some big drama going and overreact to things on a regular basis.

I just do not "get" the whole thing when it comes to these two types. As a woman, I see both male and female that fit those roles. As a manager, and working with these people in all levels of the company, it causes a lot of problems.

These are the people that cause the friction and the polarizing of the people in the office over different issues.

How do you suggest this kind of behavior be dealt with and/or diffused? Any good suggestions from others?

Thanks

susan link

10/10/2013 07:44:11 am

We agree, Merry, that drama and pot stirring can create serious communication breakdowns and office polarization. One possible remedy is to create an office wide agreement that if a person has a serious issue they will take it to the source. That way, if someone comes to you (or others) with a complaint, a fair answer is: We have an agreement to talk TO the source of our issues, not ABOUT them.

Would like to hear from others about this all too common problem.

10/10/2013 07:44:45 am

ava rosenblum

10/10/2013 09:51:46 am

I am really excited about this forum, and thank you as well. :) I wonder if the 'pot-stirrer' feels like he or she isn't listened to as much as he or she would like to be? To Peter, Susan, Merry and anyone else: Could listening intently to a pot stirrer perhaps decrease the frequency of the behavior if the person is feeling ignored? This is a fascinating issue to me.

susan glaser link

10/11/2013 05:27:13 am

Interesting thought, Ava. What do you think, Merry? Do you suppose that intense listening would allow the person to feel understood and consequently reduce the need for creating polarization and pot stirring?

Harry

10/19/2013 05:22:10 am

Try forgiveness as a lifestyle even forgiving those you dont enjoy being around. Forgiveness is of course not a new concept. It is however one of the cornerstones in the foundation of healing relationships. Forgiveness does not mean what an offender did was right, it acknowledges the pain of the offense and gives us the platform to move on with our lives without carrying shame and guilt with us. Without forgiveness the process of healing may not begin. With forgiveness we can build lasting relationships with our friends, coworkers families and those we are priveledged to lead.

susan glaser

10/22/2013 08:15:29 am

Forgiveness as a lifestyle is not something i had considered before. Particularly helpful is what you said about forgiveness not meaning that what the person did was right -- that it can still acknowledge the pain of the offense -- without the guilt/shame/anger being carted around. thanks for your thoughts on this.

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Impact of Biased Expectation

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