How to Listen More…and Better

When journalist Kate Murphy was writing her book, You’re Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters, few people she asked could define what it meant to be a good listener—but they did know how a bad listener behaved: interrupting, checking their phones, responding in a self-involved way. “The sad truth,” she says, "is that people have more experience being cut off, ignored and misunderstood than heard to their satisfaction”. 

How to reclaim the lost art of listening? After years studying the neuroscience, psychology and sociology of listening, as well as consulting numerous professional listeners (including a C.I.A. agent, focus group moderator, radio producer, priest, and bartender), Murphy “discovered that listening goes beyond simply hearing what people say. It also involves paying attention to how they say it and what they do while they are saying it, in what context, and how what they say resonates within you.”

Some pointers:

• Good listeners ask good questions. Curious questions don’t begin with “Wouldn’t you agree…?” or “Don’t you think…?” and they don’t end with “right?” Try to explore the other person’s point of view, not alter it.
• Because our brains think faster than people talk, beware of the tendency to take mental side trips when you should be listening.   (Tweet it!)
• Don’t assume you already know what the other person is going to say.
• A lot of listening has to do with how you respond. Good listeners facilitate the clear expression of another person’s thoughts and, in the process, refine their own.

Good listening has many rewards. Your relationships will be stronger, you will gain more knowledge, and you will certainly have more interesting conversations.

Do you consider yourself a good listener? How do you keep your attention focused on your conversation partner? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

If you would like to learn more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our online learning programs. 

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