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"It's Not My Fault..."

4/22/2014

There are seven words you cannot say on network TV (and, no, we are not going to name them!). Likewise, there are some words and phrases that should not be said at work -- or perhaps anywhere. One phrase that stands out to us, among the seven nominated by Ilya Pozin, CEO of Open Me and columnist for Forbes, Inc. and Linked In, is:

“It’s not my fault.”

Trying to shift blame to work colleagues, or even to surrounding circumstances, is not constructive
communication. On the other hand, those who calmly and non-defensively address mistakes are respected for their character. They signal they are willing to shift course after missteps and that they have more at stake than their egos. Please let us know your thoughts: When has owning up to a mistake served you well and enhanced your credibility?

8 Comments

Fabienne Peter-Contesse

4/22/2014 02:42:05 am

I consistently find that when I accept blame when I've had a hand in making a mistake my relationships are strengthened. Even if my actions may have not been the direct cause of the error or misstep, offering to take my share of the responsibility opens the door to increased trust. Leaders I've worked with who are able to do this have gained my loyalty and trust; I see it as a sign of strength.

The fine line is not blaming oneself for everything, not apologizing for things that clearly are not my responsibility. I find this practice to be annoying, and a sign of insecurity and weakness.

Peter

4/22/2014 03:55:45 am

Your fine line discrimination is so important. We can turn a wonderful strength into a weakness when we own more than our fair share of the problem or engage in self flagellation.

Gregg Miller link

4/22/2014 02:59:46 am

7 years ago, while in a lawsuit (which always tries to find fault from all parties) I entered a room in a mediation type setting to hear the mediator say, "I read about you and your company" To which I said to myself (I am a sinner, we could have done better on our part and this situation) would have not happened)! Then I said to this mediator, "I fail daily to be all that I try to be as a follower, but thank you for your kind comment"
I felt like it was honest and all others involved were saying the exact opposite, NOT our fault, it's yours.

This single action, changed our company DNA on that day of the accident to never allow non-safe practices to happen by:
being reminded who we were that day
put practices into place for improved quality
become market leaders by teaching and living this out

Peter

4/22/2014 04:01:10 am

How refreshing to hear how a brave act of honesty (even in a legal tangle) can rise above a sea of blame and recrimination.

Merry link

4/22/2014 04:16:16 am

Fabienne said it so well it is hard to add more. I have found the same, in both business and personal life. At my age, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and my job. Accepting your part of the responsibility honestly is hard to do at times, but makes you a better and stronger person I think.
I found this most difficult when I dealt with a cheating husband, his girlfriend, and the dissolution of a long marriage. Forgiving their mistakes, and admitting my own, took me a while. It was important though, to go on and learn from the experience.
Accepting your responsibility for mistakes you make allows you to learn from them.and change things for the better.
The one thing I really hate though is getting blamed for something I had nothing to do with. THAT is a problem I have a difficult time dealing with.

Peter

4/22/2014 04:43:57 am

Your fine line discrimination is so important. We can turn a wonderful strength into a weakness when we own more than our fair share of the problem or engage in self flagellation. And still the power of accepting accountability is deep. You have identified the needle to thread.

4/22/2014 07:46:14 am

I concur with Merry and Fabienne - I find that when I own up to mistakes, this helps in the building of work based relationships, particularly if I confess early (i.e. not after the mistake has been "found out"), and explain what I have done to fix it.

However, having just gone through a situation where I have been forced to take the blame for something which wasn't my fault (due to more senior people in the organisation not wanting to take accountability), it is a very difficult path to tread. By taking, or shouldering, the blame for something that isn't your fault, there can be no change (you did no wrong, therefore you can't change anything to prevent the situation arising again), and this just leads to frustrations all round.

susan

4/23/2014 02:19:07 am

I totally get what JT is saying. I think it is possible to take your share of the problem but not shoulder what was not your doing. Our model for raising issues flows from "I'm part of this problem too" to "Here's what I can do differently in the future" to "Here's what I ask of you." So it is possible to share both problem ownership and future changes.

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"It's Not My Fault..."

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