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Justifiable Lies

1/19/2016

4 Comments

 
Picture
Do I look fat in these pants?  If someone you care about asks and you say “No”—even if you don’t find the pants especially flattering to their figure, would you call this a justifiable lie? If you did, you would not be alone. As much as we decry lying, most of us tell a certain number of lies we consider to be permissible.
 
Writing in The New York Times Gerald Dworkin, distinguished professor of philosophy, emeritus at University of California, Davis posits that, ”we could not lead our lives if we never told lies — or that if we could it would be a much worse life.”
 
Dworkin lists ten examples of lies he believe to be either permissible, or, in some cases, obligatory, and invites readers to weigh in. His scenarios include:
 
  • A man lying to his wife about their destination so he can take her to her surprise party.
  • A grown son lying to his father who has dementia in order to keep his father calm when he leaves – knowing his father will forget their conversation in a few minutes.
  • JFK flat out denying the secret deal he’d made with the Soviet Union to prevent the Cuban missile crisis from going nuclear.
 
While aware that not everyone will agree that all the lies he deems permissible are in fact so, Dworkin’s larger point is that—even though “it is usually a bad thing for people to come to believe false things”—the range of permissible lies is broader than we might have considered.

 
We want to hear. Can you give examples of types of lies you consider to be permissible, even beneficial? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.

If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

4 Comments
Alison
1/24/2016 05:10:10 pm

I'm not sure any of those example justify lying. I admit to lying but if I think about it most was done because I was too impatient to think through a more appropriate response. I think lying undermines both trust and communication.

Reply
Susan
1/25/2016 09:14:42 am

Appreciate your input on this, Alison. A disturbing aspect of the "justifiable lie syndrome" is that even very young children notice and learn this as a life habit. Agree that trust, communication and truth are inextricably bound.

Reply
Don
1/25/2016 01:28:30 pm

Appreciate your nuggets, Susan and Peter. On this topic, your community might appreciate Dan Ariely's book, The Honest Truth about Dishonesty.

Reply
susan
1/26/2016 10:52:46 am

Thank you for this, Don. Appreciate your sharing your insights with our community.

Reply

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