The Glasers
  • Courses
    • All Courses
    • BreakThrough Conflict
    • Hardwiring Teamwork
    • Persuasion & Influence
  • Ways to Learn
    • All Learning Options
    • Hybrid Learning System
    • Self-paced video
    • Live Virtual
    • In-Person Seminar
  • Trainer Training
  • Testimonials
    • Testimonials on Virtual Learning
    • Written Testimonials
  • About the Glasers
    • About the Glasers
    • Communication Capsule Blog
    • Published Research
    • Learning Products
  • Contact

Survival of the Friendliest

9/15/2020

3 Comments

 
Picture
Darwin said the fittest survive, but what kind of fitness counts most? Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods, researchers at Duke University’s Center for Cognitive Neuroscience, believe species that have thrived and successfully reproduced haven’t done it by beating up the competition.

Their new book, “Survival of the Friendliest: Understanding Our Origins and Rediscovering Our Common Humanity,” posits that species endure — humans, other animals and plants — based on friendliness, partnership and communication.

“Dogs are exhibit A,” Hare says. “They are the extremely friendly descendants of wolves. They were attracted to humans and became friendly to humans, and changed their behavior, appearance and developmental makeup. Sadly, their close relative, the wolf, is threatened and endangered in the few places where they live, whereas there are hundreds of millions of dogs…”

The authors also point to the success of bonobos, apes that are often confused with chimpanzees. Chimps make war, but bonobos are natural sharers. “The most successful bonobo males have more offspring than the most successful alpha male chimpanzees.”

What does all this mean for us? For humans to continue to evolve successfully, Hare says, “friendliness is the winning strategy. Social problems require social solutions. The secret to our species’ success is the same as it is with dogs and bonobos. We are the friendliest human species that ever evolved, which has allowed us to outcompete other human species that are now extinct. When that mechanism is turned off, we can become unbelievably cruel. When it is turned on, it allows us to win. We win by cooperation and teamwork. Our uniquely human skills for cooperative communication can be used to solve the hardest social problems.”

Can you recall a time when friendliness helped you get ahead? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.

3 Comments
Julia
9/15/2020 10:58:32 am

When did friendliness help me succeed and unfriendliness not? On a tradeshow shuttle, struck up conversation with an attendee who, as it happened, was at the event searching for the exact products that my company offered. We chatted about their project and what they were looking for and how the product would be used. By the time we left the shuttle, we had an appointment time to meet in our booth so I could show what I thought would work.

When the contact arrived, I introduced to SME to discuss further. Contact described the use case more, and we listened and asked clarifying questions, told about other organizations in similar situations and how our products had helped them. Contact was relaxed and receptive.

Then the salesperson joined the conversation, the person who would close the deal. Didn't listen, just talked about the impressive people they knew in the contact's organization, how "in the know" they were on the project, on and on. Did I mention that they didn't listen? We could see the contact shut down and she couldn't get away from the salesperson fast enough.

Salesperson never reached the contact again and their organization went with competitor product. Lifetime value of that customer was in the millions.

Reply
Peter
9/15/2020 11:31:47 am

Amazing how listening, friendliness, and persuasion are inextricably linked. People waste more time trying to talk someone into their point of view when really they should be listening. This is why we titled our most recent book “Be Quiet Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.” Recently we chose another vendor for a project because even while he seemed quite knowledgeable, he gave us little opportunity to speak. We left the interaction feeling unheard and unsatisfied and moved on to the next vendor… just like you did. Thanks for sharing your insights with our community.

Reply
Gabriel
9/16/2020 11:35:51 am

Hello Glasers, hope you are surviving the smoke (and the rest of the plagues--I am personally awaiting the locust swarms)...

This was an interesting one about dogs/wolves. Are you familiar with the Periotti and Fogg book about the co-evolution of wolves and indigenous peoples? https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2018/04/05/raised-by-wolves/

It traces a pretty fascinating theory that people actually learned a great deal of our social/moral tradition from wolves at the same time that the people were domesticating the animals.

Anyway, hope you are both well.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013

    Categories

    All
    BreakThrough Conflict
    Children & Young Adult
    Communication
    Community Of Practice
    Hardwiring Teamwork
    Leadership
    Persuasion And Influence

Communication Capsule Blog
Published Research
Press/Media Resources
Organizational Culture Survey
III Survey
Resources
CoreSkills
Glaser & Associates, Inc.
Executive Offices
1740 Craigmont Avenue, Eugene, OR 97405
541-343-7575 | 800-980-0321
info@theglasers.com
Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions
© 2019 Glaser & Associates.  All Rights Reserved.
  • Courses
    • All Courses
    • BreakThrough Conflict
    • Hardwiring Teamwork
    • Persuasion & Influence
  • Ways to Learn
    • All Learning Options
    • Hybrid Learning System
    • Self-paced video
    • Live Virtual
    • In-Person Seminar
  • Trainer Training
  • Testimonials
    • Testimonials on Virtual Learning
    • Written Testimonials
  • About the Glasers
    • About the Glasers
    • Communication Capsule Blog
    • Published Research
    • Learning Products
  • Contact