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The Chemistry of Conversation

7/15/2014

1 Comment

 
Negative conversations nag at us—for chemical reasons. The cortisol (stress hormone) they produce can stay in our system for over 26 hours, keep us on edge, and color the way we react to further communication. Positive conversations produce the feel-good hormone oxytocin, but this metabolizes much faster than cortisol, so the effect doesn’t linger as long. 

Writing in the Harvard Business Review, consultant Judith E. Glaser, author of Conversational Intelligence and biochemist Richard D. Glaser (we have no relation to either) cited their survey research asking managers how often they engaged in positive conversational behavior (e.g. showing concern for others, and painting a picture of mutual success) versus negative (e.g. mistrusting others’ intentions and just pretending to listen).Those surveyed contended that they engaged in more of the positive, though 85% admitted to “sometimes” engaging in the negative.

As the authors point out, “when leaders exhibit both types of behaviors it creates dissonance or uncertainty in followers’ brains, spurring cortisol production and reducing C-IQ (conversational intelligence).” Nobody’s perfect, but leaders should be mindful of the power of chemistry.  Take an extra moment before you speak: try to quiet negative impulses and communicate your best intentions.  The positive, productive reaction you unleash, cognitively and chemically, will be your reward.


Share your experience: Do you notice lingering positive effects when you communicate in positive ways, and vice versa? What are you doing to shift the balance toward the positive? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our forum: Community of Practice Forum.   
1 Comment
Merry Bauman link
7/15/2014 08:57:49 am

This is such a valid study. I know if you are going to answer a phone, you need to smile first, so that friendly feeling comes thru the phone.
It makes a huge difference in the tone of a communication how you say things in emails, texts, or other non-verbal ways. It is easy to convey the wrong feelings or to misunderstand others.
If you are having a bad day, you are more likely to perceive that someone is being negative when perhaps they really did not mean to be. By the same token, if you are happy, upbeat, and feeling good, you can lose that quickly if someone is nasty to you. Positive emotions and communications are absolutely the best kind to try and maintain. With this name, I am a very positive and optimistic person - usually. There are some people who can "trip my trigger" with very little effort. These are people who already have a history with me and I expect negativity from so I am automatically defensive. As soon as I feel that auto-defense kick in, I try to take a deep breath and think carefully before I reply. If I take a moment and try to neutralize the attitude and find a positive way to reply, it tends to lower my stress level. Negative people, comments, and situations are very stressful to me and I really hate to deal with them. I am the person everyone gives the hostile and angry customers to, because I can usually turn them around and help them with what is really bothering them. The difference is "giveadamn". If you don't have it, you can't help others. The ones I have dealt with that really don't care if the customer is happy or not, as long as THEY are happy and not inconvenienced too much by others, cost companies far more money than they realize.
One big instance that comes to mind is calling customer service for an American company, and being transferred to a foreign call center where the people cannot speak or understand English; cannot communicate well enough to help solve the problem; and they sometimes even become very angry when you ask for someone else to speak with. I actually took out my satellite television - from both providers - for that very reason. As a customer, I felt the television providers were saying that I did not matter, they did not care about my calls or problems, and did not really want my business.
Once I took them out, THEN they had someone call me that spoke English and could actually help me. Too late. Equipment removed.
In a business situation, I think it is extremely important to learn to control your communications and keep them as positive as you can.
A 'team leader" who constantly coaches, helps, reinforces positively, will gain much more loyalty for themselves and their company than will someone who is negative, overbearing, and determined to find fault with everything or everyone. We all know these people, and we work with them. Sometimes engaging in a positive way about something that they have done or are doing, before discussing something that needs correcting or changing, is the way to get people to listen to you in a more receptive way.
If you only complain, gripe, and find fault, that is what people expect, and they will effectively "turn you off" to prevent sliding into your 'rabbit hole" with you. If you are the one that notices good things, and makes an effort to truly care about the customers, co-workers, and do your best to keep things upbeat and positive, you will be valued much more than the negative person. Mutual respect is essential for good communications and for keeping it on a productive and positive track. If respect is lost on either or both sides, it is not going to be good for the communications.
This study is very timely in our world of both verbal and non-verbal communications, and it is something to keep in mind constantly.

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