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We know how important it is to be constructive in our communication with others, so why not try being this way when we communicate with ourselves? We expend a lot of mental energy and jeopardize our peace of mind and productivity by comparing ourselves negatively to others, or by creating “stories” about other people who we feel “lack respect for us,” or “lack compassion,” or “cannot be trusted.”
We all have an inner critic and an inner cynic, and silencing these voices is not necessarily easy. But since we can’t change something until we’re aware of it, try keeping track of how often you criticize yourself or impugn others over the course of 24 hours. Noticing the pattern of our negative thoughts and feelings—about others as well as ourselves—is the first step to realizing they are manifestations of our own internal fantasy life, which can fuse us to unhappiness with no basis in truth. We want to know: Have you tried tracking your self-judging and other-judging thoughts? What were the results? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our Community of Practice Forum.
6 Comments
ann
2/26/2014 09:02:12 am
These days, in my professional world, there are very frequent displays of aggression that I attribute to the increasingly authoritarian leadership model, which is encouraging heightened competition. It's pretty brutal. So, the best I can do is lick my wounds at the end of the day. Don't know whether any one else can relate to this. For example, yesterday, I forgot my id that we use to make copies. I asked a co-worker in the copy room if I could borrow his and he said 'no'--that he had to keep careful records since we're now being observed by 'Big brother.' (On the other hand, today someone gave me a bunch of free bagels, so I am trying to take that in. :))
Simon
2/26/2014 01:28:45 pm
I've recently learned that I am my harshest critic. I've worried too much about what others think or that they may judge me, when in fact my own self-judgment is really what holds me back. The idea of taking note of when the inner critic speaks is a good one - half the battle is simply recognizing that voice and understanding that you can choose not to listen to it.
Dan M
2/27/2014 01:16:37 am
We are our own worst critic! Those inner voices that are so critical when we fail are also the voices that help set us up for failure. We've all heard the saying "Mom always said 'if you can't say something nice about someone, then don't say anything at all'." Maybe that rule should be extended to ourselves too.
I have to agree that we are all very hard on ourselves at times, and sometimes much more so than those around us. Thanks so much for the thoughtful, brief and easy to metabolize writing on crucial communication issues. As a student of energy fields, I am very aware that our national/cultural 5th chakra (communication) issues are on the front lines as we teach ourselves slowly (sometimes painfully) how to engage in spirited national debate with compassion, respect and curiosity and really HEAR others with very differing political views.
Susan
6/5/2014 06:50:43 am
Thanks for this Susana. You are one of our thought leaders in this area. Really happy that our Communication Capsules speak to you. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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