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The "Grammar" of Helping

6/17/2014

4 Comments

 
Want to motivate your kids to help out? Try defining them as “helpers.” So says a new study in the journal Child Development. Experimenters divided 100 preschoolers into two groups. Half got a talk about helping; the others heard about being helpers. While the children were playing, those who got the talk about being helpers dropped their toys to help 20 percent more often.

The difference is nuanced, but important. When you want to reinforce a moral trait (like being a “helper” or “giver”) use nouns—not verbs! Being called a helper makes kids feel they're embodying a virtue, says Christopher Bryan, one of the psychologists behind the study. Conversely, if you want to reinforce skill-based behavior it’s best to focus on specific detailed actions and effort. (As we mentioned in a previous Communication Capsule, rather than offering vague “Good job” kudos to kids, we reinforce their hard work and the specific activities that helped them achieve success: "Wow, how did you do that? Could you show me how to do that?")


By the way, the moral motivation phenomenon isn't unique to kids. In a previous study, Bryan found that asking grown-ups, "How important is it to you to be a voter?" was more likely to get them to the polls than asking them about the importance of voting.

We want to hear! What happens when you motivate kids, or adults, by using virtue-based nouns? Join the conversation and click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.
4 Comments
Dorothy Patent link
6/17/2014 02:45:03 am

Seems to me this would work with any sort of category--e.g. if your child is taking piano lessons and you want to encourage practice you could identify her/him as a "pianist" as in "Practicing will make you a better pianist" instead of "practicing the piano will help you play better."

Reply
susan
6/17/2014 01:44:01 pm

I hadn't thought about that application, Dorothy though it does make sense. Thinking that nouns are best when it is a value or character trait that you want the child to embrace and become. Verbs are for when it is a skill that you want them to work on, practice and develop. Wonder if that make sense to you and others?

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Dick Swenson
7/22/2014 08:22:12 am

I am a volunteer at a local hospital, and I have the privilege of being asked to train other volunteers who want to do the job that I do. (We need many!)

I have learned that asking someone if they WANT help (as opposed to NEED help) often changes the response.

Our society in general, and certainly locally, seems to engender an attitude that needing help is a sign of weakness, thus asking for help or saying Yes to my question ("Do you need help?") signifies a loss of disunity, competence or something. This seems to be a negative result of our so-called 'rugged individualism' so proudly proclaimed by many.

If I ask about wanting help, however, then control goes back to the person responding. They may say Yes, No, or just pause. In the latter case, one can then offer what seems to be something appropriate.

Fro example, when I see a caregiver beginning to try to manage a patient into a wheel chair, I can offer to help 'hold' the wheel chair. (Actually this means positioning the chair properly and then ensuring that the breaks are on, but never mind.)

Following this, I can then suggest that they carry any materials that that are accompanying the patient while I push the chair.

It seems that if I let the person who seems to me to need help the chance to decide if they want help changes the situation.

So, changing the the focus from providing help to a request for help works.

Reply
susan
7/23/2014 02:41:17 am

Thanks for this example, Dick. When we wrote this "grammar of helping" we were thinking about nouns: "helper" or "giver" and your input is valuable: the verb matters too: "wanting" help feels different than "needing" help. Guess it's not surprising that people respond differently to those two verbs.

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