The Glasers
  • Courses
    • All Courses
    • BreakThrough Conflict
    • Hardwiring Teamwork
    • Persuasion & Influence
  • Ways to Learn
    • All Learning Options
    • Hybrid Learning System
    • Self-paced video
    • Live Virtual
    • In-Person Seminar
  • Trainer Training
  • Testimonials
    • Testimonials on Virtual Learning
    • Written Testimonials
  • About the Glasers
    • About the Glasers
    • Communication Capsule Blog
    • Published Research
    • Learning Products
  • Contact

The Power of Constructive Praise

3/25/2014

3 Comments

 
We recently posted about the benefits of constructively praising children by acknowledging their effort rather than blanketing them with gratuitous comments like: “You’re smart” “You’re good at that” and “Good job!” Po Bronson, author of Nurtureshock: New Thinking About Children, presents fascinating evidence for this approach here.

As grandparents, we too are rethinking the ways in which we praise. A recent weekend began with our grandson becoming frustrated when he was unable to complete tasks easily (from building a train track to shooting a basketball). His refrain of despair in such situations: "I can't do it!" So as a family, we committed to reinforcing effort vs. results: “It makes sense that you can’t do it yet—you only practiced a few times.” Or: “I noticed that when you were having trouble putting the track together you kept trying to figure it out and then you realized you just needed to turn that one piece around.” By the end of the weekend, after six missed basketball shots in a row, he said: "I just haven't practiced enough to get it right so I need to keep trying." Pretty amazing!

We want to hear: Are you rethinking the ways in which you praise your kids/grandkids—or perhaps youngsters that you teach or coach? What kinds of results are you having? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question here.
3 Comments
Gregg Miller link
3/25/2014 03:50:28 am

My 5.5 yr old granddaughter played golf with my daughter (her mom) who played college golf. 5 yr old said, Grand dude, I putted as low as 4 to 12 on some holes, often 6-7. I said, "what did you think"? I had fun. I can do better. I have to work at it. I said did you cry? She said, "No way, no reason to cry" I said of course not. there are good days and bad days. She said her mom was frustrated playing (1st time out due to winter) because her mom did not play well. I said , "we can't always w/o practicing" and was made aware even a 5 yr old can tell when a parent is not displaying neutral actions as in the case of her mom showing frustration.
Thanks Dr and Dr,
Gregg Miller

Reply
susan
3/26/2014 12:34:19 am

Thanks Greg. Amazing what a 5.5 year old can pick up on! That level of nonverbal nuance is quite impressive. Guess this young one has a keen eye for such messages.

Reply
Carole Sterry
3/25/2014 03:51:08 am

I learned years ago the strategy of replacing "good job" with naming what you see. When we say "Good job" to a child they often don't know exactly what was good about it. If we really want to see a behavior repeated, we need to show that we recognize what the behavior was. Examples are: "You tried four different puzzle pieces before you found the right one!" or "before you asked for help!", "You used lots of different colors in this picture!", "You remembered to take turns and share the toys!" "You read a lot of that story by yourself!" It can be hard to stop yourself from saying "Good job!" If you slip up, be sure to follow "Good job!" with a statement of what was so good about it. Sometimes it's best to just say "Thank you for...." instead of "Good job!"

As a teacher, I saw the damage to children who had been told they were smart and struggled to live up to that label or refused to even try. I worked with one gifted ten year old who would not do his school work for fear of getting a "wrong" answer. I worked with a gifted kindergartner who had to be first, had to be called on first and refused to participate in learning activities.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013

    Categories

    All
    BreakThrough Conflict
    Children & Young Adult
    Communication
    Community Of Practice
    Hardwiring Teamwork
    Leadership
    Persuasion And Influence

Communication Capsule Blog
Published Research
Press/Media Resources
Organizational Culture Survey
III Survey
Resources
CoreSkills
Glaser & Associates, Inc.
Executive Offices
1740 Craigmont Avenue, Eugene, OR 97405
541-343-7575 | 800-980-0321
info@theglasers.com
Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions
© 2019 Glaser & Associates.  All Rights Reserved.
  • Courses
    • All Courses
    • BreakThrough Conflict
    • Hardwiring Teamwork
    • Persuasion & Influence
  • Ways to Learn
    • All Learning Options
    • Hybrid Learning System
    • Self-paced video
    • Live Virtual
    • In-Person Seminar
  • Trainer Training
  • Testimonials
    • Testimonials on Virtual Learning
    • Written Testimonials
  • About the Glasers
    • About the Glasers
    • Communication Capsule Blog
    • Published Research
    • Learning Products
  • Contact