What Great Listeners Actually Do

Are you a good listener? When we pose this question to people in our learning events, most rate themselves as “above average” (a mathematical impossibility). When we ask what good listening consists of, the most common themes are:  not interrupting, letting others know you are listening by using nonverbal encouragers  (“uh-huh”, “mmm-hmm”) and paraphrasing, by repeating back what the other person has said. 
 
However, new research, conducted by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman of the Zenger/Folkman Leadership Development Group, suggests that these behaviors fall far short of describing great listening skills.

Their four main findings:

1. Good listeners are not always silent when others talk.  They periodically ask questions that prompt discovery and insight. Good listening is more of a two-way dialogue than speaker vs. listener.
   
   
2. Good listening includes interactions that build the speaker’s self-esteem. “Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly. Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them.”
   
   
3. Good listening is a cooperative conversation. Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, “but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument.”
   
   
4. Good listeners can make suggestions.  Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider.

 
Not every conversation requires the highest levels of listening, but many conversations would benefit from greater focus and from the intention to listen interactively.
 
As a listener have you engaged in any of these practices? What else has worked for you? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  We would love to hear your feedback.

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