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Are anti-bullying policies stopping workplace bullying? Not according to a survey recently conducted by Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield, co-authors of the books Crucial Conversations and Influencer. Ninety-six percent of respondents said they had experienced workplace bullying, and indicated that most of the alleged bullies had been in their positions for over a year (89%), or over five years (54%). Only 6% said their companies’ anti-bullying policies prevented bullying.
The sad truth is that many who feel bullied don’t do anything about it. They try to avoid the problem, but the unintended consequence of avoidance is perpetuation. “Silence is not golden. Silence is permission,” says Maxfield. We agree: What we permit, we promote. So it’s important to know your workplace policies and document incidents of bullying (e.g. browbeating, intimidation, sabotaging). Perhaps most effective of all—if you do not feel at risk doing so—is addressing (in private) the person you believe is abusing power. If you choose to do this, try our models for raising issues and responding to criticism. Then ask what you can do to improve communication going forward so that the pattern doesn’t repeat. We want to hear: Are you aware of workplace bullying and, if so, do you and those around you tend to confront or avoid the problem? If you have addressed the situation, what has been the outcome? Join the conversation and click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.
25 Comments
Jacq
8/26/2014 02:53:00 am
Working in state government I have see a great deal of bullying. I do not see it being addressed at all. There are no anti-bullying policies. What I see is when a supervisor is threatened - because they lack management skills - they bully instead; get rid of the threat. Sad part is the percieved "threat" is usually a very educated, intelligent and productive employee. There is a reall inablity to tolerate differences. Diffences in values, management styles, age, etc. Our HR tends to protect bullies and even helps them to bully - by the nature of the "discipline process." One way for HR to avoid fostering bully management is to mediate instead of launching into the discipline process. Educating bot the manager and employee as to what bullying is should be a mandatory course. The union has tried to put language in their contracts but through the negociation with management that language is watered down. Bullying is too often seen by managers as a "tough manager" - and exhalted. The net consequence is that productivity and creativity languishes and government is seen as costly and unresponsive to the public. I wish upper management would realize recognize the benefit of educating managers how to supervise effectively, and have policies that enforce productive management.
Susan
8/26/2014 03:40:39 am
A most disturbing part of your account is how deeply imbedded in the culture this pattern sounds. Strong, consistent mgmt where all people are held accountable is crucial. HR should be the impartial arbiter. It is most definitely possible to manage in a way that high performance is an expectation without bullying being present. This should be an organizational priority. 8/27/2014 04:50:07 am
Jacq, you are so on target! That is exactly what happened over and over in so many of the places I worked too. Being smarter than the manager, and fully capable of doing the job, threatened them badly. 8/26/2014 03:43:08 am
Bullies come in many forms, and are as variable as job descriptions are. When I was a Buyer for Boeing, in the past, I worked for many types of bullies. As a woman in that area, you were always treated as inferior to even the most incompetent male. Sadly, I only had two men I worked for in nearly ten years that treated women fairly and with appreciation for what they did. Thor Briggs and Russ Carroll. I am proud to have worked for them. I tried confrontation, and was treated even worse and threatened with firing. I had a boss who let the guys get away with all sorts of improper behavior, but hated women working for him. He gave the same very negative review - word for word - to all three women who worked for him. One of his points was that I was on the phone all the time with personal calls and not doing my job. Ok, I tried to tell him that the two guys who sat in my area were busy with personal business and I was having to answer all the calls. He refused to listen to me. One guy was selling insurance on the side all day at work, and the other was a drunk who was setting up drinking lunches with vendors or talking to his buddies. I kept a call log then for a month - one he could match to the sheet of calls to my phone. It clearly showed that I was handling calls for the others most of my day, and the reports for the month were all being generated by me - for all three of us. I took it to him, and asked to discuss it. He became furious, ripped up the log, and told me if I ever did something like that again I was fired immediately. 8/26/2014 07:13:03 am
It is an interesting concept - do policies actually shape behaviour? I don't think the purpose of a policy is to shape behaviour, but to clarify what is an isn't acceptable and what will happen if it does occur.
Simon Shaw
8/26/2014 07:33:35 am
Companies need to a) have a policy to deal with bullying in the workplace and b) actively enforce the policy. Employees need to know that their concerns will be taken seriously by senior managers.
susan
8/26/2014 09:17:52 am
Clearly the impact of bullying can be huge. While policies without culture won't actually shape behavior, policies are the guideposts. Communication at all levels is crucial around this most dangerous behavior. 8/26/2014 07:24:26 am
I'm sure that many companies have a policy that covers such behavior.
susan
8/27/2014 06:52:37 am
So most everyone here agrees that anti bullying policies are necessary but not sufficient. Enforcement and culture are also key. Hoping there are some strong models out there. 8/27/2014 01:39:35 pm
Well here goes with a long comment! I’ve been on the receiving end of a seemingly ‘charming’ but calculating predator. Thankfully when I needed to I had the resilience & courage to stand up to them. Each time I did they backed off (& targeted someone else ;o( ). Bullies are usually upwardly protected, this is partially what gives them their power and confidence. They get a kick out of the psychological damage they cause, it helps them to feel better about themselves. I do a fair amount of bullying work, training, investigations, coaching both targets and the bullies themselves. My learning is that bullies fall into different types, the conscious bully (abusive personality, the charming calculating predator etc. ) and the unconscious bully, where they are unaware that they are deploying behaviors that negatively impact on others. Can bullies change? yes if they see the impact, care to change and learn through coaching.
susan
8/28/2014 02:40:12 am
Thank you so much, Denise, for sharing with our community what you have learned over your years of consulting on this topic -- and for committing your professional life to it. The first time we heard "bully" used in an organizational context was almost 15 years ago when we first began our work in New Zealand. So not surprising that an international expert on the topic (you!) is from NZ. (And thanks for the shout out on our models for Raising Delicate Issues and Receiving Negative Feedback in this context.)
Janice Thompson
9/19/2014 05:44:25 pm
Thanks Denise...your analysis has succinctly summed up key likely causes behind the actions of the senior manager who is currently waging a bullying campaign against me at the school in which I work. I finally plucked up the courage to put my situation on record with the principal, yesterday 2 years later than I should have done so. That said, the action I must take going forward has now been made crystal clear - however my complaint is viewed by the Head, I will not now back down until the bully is brought to account and some kind of remedial strategy implemented. The saddest part of the situation is that the woman concerned has offended before, several times and has faced no formal censure or received the help she needs to change her behaviour. Because of this, 3 previous employees who occupied my seat before me left their jobs under stress, or were moved away from the department and their talent was lost to us. Had management addressed the real problem, we would not be here now. Had they flagged a potential problem, I would have not stayed silent so long ... Forewarned is fore-armed, as they say!
susan
9/23/2014 12:14:33 am
Thank you for this, Janice. So happy that Denise's experience in this area was so helpful to you. And thank you, Denise for so generously sharing your expertise with our Community of Practice. Our goal has been to bring the world together on crucial communication topics and we are grateful. 9/23/2014 06:54:08 am
Janice your experience is eerily similar to another one I have come across in the education sector. A female senior leader who deploys under the radar bullying behaviours - she probably doesn’t recognise herself as doing this. She appears to lack the emotional intelligence and self awareness to recognise the impact of her behaviours on others and when challenged displays a self righteous position that she is doing them a favour. She is very polarised in her relationships; she either liked you or didn’t. For those she liked she actively found ways to support and promote. For those she didn’t she actively sought ways to undermine and drip poison into the ears of anyone who would listen (in bullying terms she is seeking to bring people over to her side, we call it ‘mobbing’). She is threatened by people who are popular and good at their job. Her tactics included nit picking over trivial issues and raising them publicly rather than discussing privately with the person; negative gossip; withholding credit, praise and recognition; negative feedback all the time; treating the target differently to others; using the system and her role on committees to unfairly treat her target; providing false information. Does some of this sound familiar? Complaints were made about her, but nobody had the cojones to tackle her in a high level, formal process. Instead it was low level conversations with no consequences attached. Her targets generally left. 9/23/2014 06:54:15 am
Janice your experience is eerily similar to another one I have come across in the education sector. A female senior leader who deploys under the radar bullying behaviours - she probably doesn’t recognise herself as doing this. She appears to lack the emotional intelligence and self awareness to recognise the impact of her behaviours on others and when challenged displays a self righteous position that she is doing them a favour. She is very polarised in her relationships; she either liked you or didn’t. For those she liked she actively found ways to support and promote. For those she didn’t she actively sought ways to undermine and drip poison into the ears of anyone who would listen (in bullying terms she is seeking to bring people over to her side, we call it ‘mobbing’). She is threatened by people who are popular and good at their job. Her tactics included nit picking over trivial issues and raising them publicly rather than discussing privately with the person; negative gossip; withholding credit, praise and recognition; negative feedback all the time; treating the target differently to others; using the system and her role on committees to unfairly treat her target; providing false information. Does some of this sound familiar? Complaints were made about her, but nobody had the cojones to tackle her in a high level, formal process. Instead it was low level conversations with no consequences attached. Her targets generally left. 9/23/2014 06:54:35 am
Janice your experience is eerily similar to another one I have come across in the education sector. A female senior leader who deploys under the radar bullying behaviours - she probably doesn’t recognise herself as doing this. She appears to lack the emotional intelligence and self awareness to recognise the impact of her behaviours on others and when challenged displays a self righteous position that she is doing them a favour. She is very polarised in her relationships; she either liked you or didn’t. For those she liked she actively found ways to support and promote. For those she didn’t she actively sought ways to undermine and drip poison into the ears of anyone who would listen (in bullying terms she is seeking to bring people over to her side, we call it ‘mobbing’). She is threatened by people who are popular and good at their job. Her tactics included nit picking over trivial issues and raising them publicly rather than discussing privately with the person; negative gossip; withholding credit, praise and recognition; negative feedback all the time; treating the target differently to others; using the system and her role on committees to unfairly treat her target; providing false information. Does some of this sound familiar? Complaints were made about her, but nobody had the cojones to tackle her in a high level, formal process. Instead it was low level conversations with no consequences attached. Her targets generally left. 9/23/2014 06:56:00 am
Janice your experience is eerily similar to another one I have come across in the education sector. A female senior leader who deploys under the radar bullying behaviours - she probably doesn’t recognise herself as doing this. She appears to lack the emotional intelligence and self awareness to recognise the impact of her behaviours on others and when challenged displays a self righteous position that she is doing them a favour. She is very polarised in her relationships; she either liked you or didn’t. For those she liked she actively found ways to support and promote. For those she didn’t she actively sought ways to undermine and drip poison into the ears of anyone who would listen (in bullying terms she is seeking to bring people over to her side, we call it ‘mobbing’). She is threatened by people who are popular and good at their job. Her tactics included nit picking over trivial issues and raising them publicly rather than discussing privately with the person; negative gossip; withholding credit, praise and recognition; negative feedback all the time; treating the target differently to others; using the system and her role on committees to unfairly treat her target; providing false information. Does some of this sound familiar? Complaints were made about her, but nobody had the cojones to tackle her in a high level, formal process. Instead it was low level conversations with no consequences attached. Her targets generally left. 8/28/2014 03:58:09 am
Bravo Denise! I used to go home at night thanking God I was not married to one of those jerks I worked with! lol
susan
8/28/2014 07:06:34 am
Had a feeling that Merry and others would appreciate Denise's recommendations. Cool to be able to learn from a colleague so far away! Thanks Merry for your generous words about our work. 8/28/2014 07:14:37 am
Susan, you are more than welcome. You share so generously of your time and knowledge to help so many. This is the only blog I actually read and follow regularly. So many interesting issues and ideas!
ann
9/21/2014 08:16:08 am
My experience is that speaking up about it invites further bullying. The bullies where I work often receive recognition for excellence! 9/23/2014 06:50:56 am
Ann, sadly you are right. Bullies often get protected by management in favour of results or they have formed the upward relationships that protect them. Bullies are often very believable, hence management believe them rather than the complainant. My advice for how to tackle a bullying problem is to consider the following; How will the bully respond? Do I talk to them on my own, do I take someone with me? Am I better talking to their line manager (caution, the line manager may protect), Is it better to go a level above their line manager? If the bully is the top boss can I develop some armour plating (some do this successfully) or do I look for another job? (most do this). This then steers you into whether you do something (low level/informal or formal process) or step out of the system. There is no one best way for resolving the issue.
susan
9/24/2014 01:24:45 am
Thank you once again, Denise, for lending your international expertise to this crucial discussion. Particularly appreciate your return to this topic to offer insight into Ann's situation.
carmen not cameron
7/4/2015 12:58:33 pm
My husband got bullied relentlessly at his last job. He brought it home everyday and we were miserable. These men luxuriated in trying to break my husband down. It became a sick game for them. For years they'd gaslight him & get theyre friends to come up there and insult & harass him. Spread rumors, call me crazy, lie. The owner was constantly accusing him of stealing. Even after he was gone for over a year. Every time the money was found, the boss just walked off & said nothing else where just before he was in my husband's face & was convinced he'd stolen. It was like he enjoyed watching the person try to convince him they didn't. Although the owner was completely toxic & took part in the abuse, my husband finally tried to formally complain. It was non stop and sometimes sexual in nature. No boundaries. Degrading jokes. Calling him Gay. Constantly monitoring. When he complained the owner wrote him up and disiplined him by sending him home with no pay for 3 days. This happened twice. HE was the only one in trouble. This job was one of the most demoralizing moments of our lives & we've never looked back. Falsely getting fired was a Godsend. Its true that in the end bullies have to live with themselves & they're unhappy people who are consumed with jealousy. The owner could never make eye contact & his wife behaved like we were suppose to worship them. I could tell how desperate they were for us to emulate them, which we never did because it was so obvious they were just seeking their narcissist supply. I believe in karma. Funniest part is his names Dick.
Susan
7/6/2015 04:01:58 am
Carmen, Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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