When Conversations Turn Aggressive

We’ve all witnessed conversations that seem inexorably headed for an explosive end.  Author and social scientist Joseph Grenny, writing in the Harvard Business Review says their disconcerting downward trajectory can often be de-escalated or even reversed by following these six strategies:      

• Own your part:  Take responsibility (authentically) for your role in the escalation (e.g. “I’m getting loud…I apologize.”)
  
• Offer safety:  State a commitment to finding a mutually beneficial solution.
• Point out the default future: Note where the conversation is headed (not a good place!) and the negative consequences of not changing course,
• Talk about rules: Invite a discussion about the “the rules of engagement.”
• Change the pace: Slow your comments and lower your voice to “lower the temperature.”
• Refocus on agreement: Pause for a moment to say what you both agree on—even if it’s only 10 percent of the issue at hand.

 
We want to hear: What do you do to lower the thermostat during a heated argument? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.
 
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion.

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