Most people have yelled at their kids—and doing so to keep them from running into traffic is perfectly understandable. (Tweet it!) But it’s ineffective if you’re doing it to correct a behavior like throwing clothes on the floor or procrastinating on homework. In fact, it “merely imprints the habit of yelling onto the children.”
So says Stephen Marche, author and parenting podcaster. Writing in The New York Times, Marche cites a 2014 study in The Journal of Child Development, which demonstrates that yelling produces results similar to physical punishment in children: increased levels of anxiety, stress and depression along with an increase in behavioral problems.
Since “yelling…is the response of a person who doesn’t know what else to do,” Marche recommends an alternative: the ABC technique of Alan Kazdin, professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale.
The purpose of Kazdin’s ABC’s is to build habits by actually changing the brain. And, as a positive side effect, family relations improve overall.
Have you ever been brought to yelling at your kids? How could you use the ABC’s instead? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.
If you would like to read more about creating a habit around masterful communication, check out our book: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion
10/10/2018 10:17:42 am
I find I have to use real restraint when I'm out and about and see children being yelled at or spanked. I want to shake the parents and tell them there is a better way, but that's not my role. We raised our kids using the A,B,C's and I see our daughter doing the same with her daughter. I do believe how you were raised influences how you parent. More parenting classes.might help those raised in a less gentle environment to adopt new skills.
10/10/2018 02:59:31 pm
So I found that I rarely needed to yell at my son growing up, but he certainly got his fair share of spankings when warranted. As a well rounded adult, and parent, he thanks me for not being a passive parent.
10/10/2018 03:37:22 pm
Completely concur with your view. What a kinder gentler world it would be if everyone practiced Kazdin's ABC's. Thanks for sharing your insights with our community.
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