You Shared, or Maybe Overshared…Now What?

Being vulnerable can build trust and closeness, but self-disclosure can also make us fear judgment or rejection. If you’re nervous after having divulged something personal, you might be experiencing what Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston, calls a “vulnerability hangover.” You might wonder:  “Did I display a weakness?” or “Am I safe?”
As Holly Burns writes in The New York Times, “A vulnerability hangover might be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be debilitating — and it can even be helpful.” If you are “hung over” here’s what to consider:

• Put it into perspective:  Other people probably aren’t thinking about your disclosure as much as you are (just the way they are not as aware of that pimple on your nose). Besides, we generally view our own displays of vulnerability more negatively than those of others.
• Know you might have helped someone:  Studies show that vulnerability can build trust. People may be more comfortable around you and experience you as  “more human.” 
• Reframe it as a learning experience:  One way to remove judgment you feel toward yourself is to turn it into something constructive. Reframe it as, ‘What can I learn from this?’ Even if what you learn is ‘Wow, that was not the right thing to say to that person in that moment,’ it can help you in the future.
• Make a plan for next time: Despite the potential benefits of revealing something personal, there are still times you may want to keep your cards closer. It never hurts to examine your motivations and be intentional about when and with whom to be vulnerable.

The aftermath of vulnerability might be surprising or even unpleasant, but it’s frequently worth it, says Emma Seppala, science director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University. Being comfortable with vulnerability’s aftereffects “requires courage initially, but then it’s like this muscle you build.”
When is the last time you shared something quite personal, and how did you feel after? To join the conversation, click "comments" above.  We would love to hear about your experiences!

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