Welcome to our Community of Practice Forum, a forum dedicated to highlighting people and organizations around the world who have created best practices by applying our core communication tools and models to real life, real time situations.
The purpose of this forum is to serve as an incubator for ideas, where people share and learn from each other’s experiences. It is a place to inspire others and also be acknowledged for your cutting edge communication practices. Our goal is to create a community of people practicing together; a powerful support network with the purpose of helping each other to transform engrained communication habits into sustained, positive outcomes.
So please share any applications – big or small – that have worked for you. We look forward to joining the conversation.
Writing in the New York Times, the Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman recently admitted that he is sometimes wrong. “If you write about current affairs and you’re never wrong, you just aren’t sticking your neck out enough. Stuff happens, and sometimes it’s not the stuff you thought would happen,” he said.
Needless to say, if Nobel Prize-winners can be wrong, so can any mere mortal. But as Krugman also noted, people are reluctant to admit mistakes in a climate where critics jump on them and say, “In 1996 you said A, and now in 2014 you say B. Gotcha!”
We agree! If someone admits they have been mistaken, let’s be gracious and avoid gloating. Rather than accusing the person of “flip-flopping,” we suggest a more productive re-frame: Acknowledge that admitting a mistake does not show weakness, but rather a strength of character and a willingness to learn.
Tell us your thoughts! How do you react when someone admits a mistake? And how have people reacted to you when you have done the same? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our Community of Practice Forum
Last night we heard NPR's report on toxic leaders. In a study that looked at eight suicide victims in the army, all had toxic commanders who made the soldiers' lives miserable with no let up. "When you're ridden mercilessly, there's just no letup, a lot of folks begin to fold," the study's author concluded. He went on to describe toxic leaders as "abusive and self-aggrandizing, arrogant and petty, and ‘unconcerned about, or oblivious to, staff or troop morale.’" The researcher also described toxic leaders as "good at snowing their superiors — so they kept getting promoted." The report suggests that the impact of destructive leadership goes beyond the military. A key question posed: Are we tolerating this kind of leadership?
We applaud the army's initiation of an evaluation system where officers get anonymous feedback from those who report to them. We believe in the power of such information. Please let us know: Have you experienced the impact of 360° feedback? What happened when such a system was introduced in your organization? Share your responses to this weekly discussion question on our Community of Practice Forum.
Are you making any resolutions for 2014? Research shows that 40 to 45 percent of us start the New Year with a new resolve. As long as they are realistic, New Year’s resolutions can help us reach our goals. But it probably won’t surprise you to learn that many people—one U.K. study says as many as 78 percent—fail to follow through.
Some suggest that a good way to stick to your resolutions is to read them aloud each morning to yourself. Writing in the Huffington Post, journalist Delia Lloyd takes this a step further, suggesting that we say our resolutions aloud to others—the idea being that this will make us more likely to commit.
We agree that saying our resolutions aloud to others tends to make us feel more accountable and spurs self-discipline. Supportive friends, family, or co-workers can cheer us along and "going public" may give us that extra ounce of inspiration we need when will power wears thin.
Please share your experience with our Community of Practice: How are you planning to break old habits and set new goals? And whom are you telling? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our forum: Community of Practice Forum
Emotions of all kinds run high during the holidays. According to a 2006 study by the American Psychological Association, many people report positive emotions such as happiness (78 percent “often”), love (75 percent “often”), and high spirits (60 percent “often”). But 44 percent also report that family holiday gatherings “sometimes” or “often” cause stress.
Because the holidays can magnify sore spots in relationships, the APA suggests that we all manage our expectations. Barring a holiday miracle, a typically bumpy relationship isn’t going to smooth out overnight.
Along with this advice from the APA, we would like to reveal a family game that we play when the Glaser clan is together: We go around the table—with each person taking a turn being the focal point—and the rest of the group (one person at a time) saying what we appreciate and admire about the person who is “it.” (When we tried this with our 3 ½ year old grandson, he was utterly ecstatic!) We also suggest practicing your listening skills. Don’t focus only on saying something positive…also be sure to take in the positive things your family and friends say about you.
These tips might not cause a miracle, but they could magnify positive emotions— and set an affectionate tone for the bumps that might also come along.
We want to hear! How do you handle stress at family holiday gatherings? And if you try our “game,” please tell us how it worked for you. Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our Community of Practice Forum
Have you ever had an argument with your spouse, significant other, or close relative? Just kidding… Most of us have had more than a few! But now we know that the way we behave during such conflicts may well affect our health—not just our relationships.
Researchers have shown that self-silencing during quarrels—i.e. the practice of holding in feelings one would like to express—takes a significant health toll. According to a report in Psychosomatic Medicine, women who didn't speak their minds in marital fights were four times as likely to die during the 10-year study period as women who always told their husbands how they felt.
Does this give us permission to take a no-holds-barred approach? Elaine Eaker, an epidemiologist who was the study's lead author, clarifies that this doesn’t mean we should “start throwing plates” at each other, but that there needs to be a safe environment where both people can equally communicate.
In a related study the health of spouses was studied in relation to the style of fighting between husbands and wives. A woman’s health risk increases if she perceives her husband’s style as “hostile”; a man’s risk increases if he perceives his wife’s style as “controlling.”
We want to hear! Do you have any tips for healthy conflict in intimate relationships? How do you express your feelings so that they can be heard and understood without damaging anyone’s heart (both literally and metaphorically)? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our forum: Community of Practice Forum
Is stress always harmful? A long-term study of 30,000 individuals published in Health Psychology in 2012 revealed that people who reported experiencing high stress were 43% more likely to die prematurely, but this was only true if they believed stress adversely affected their health.
For decades, in our public speaking courses we have been teaching that stress is the motor of performance. So rather than dreading the stress of speech anxiety, we learn to embrace it as ‘the juice’ that energizes us. This new research suggests that this is also likely to be true in interpersonal communication—where avoiding conflict is often done to avoid stress!
Begin to think positively when you feel your stress rising as an important communication event approaches. Think: "This is the feeling I need in order to perform at my maximum. I am ready…" This reframing may save your life.
Please share your thoughts with us! What happened when you began to appreciate those sweaty palms and that rapid breathing that signals stress? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our forum: Community of Practice Forum
Saying “thank you” is the ultimate win/win. Research shows that expressing gratitude increases feelings of personal well being.
If you are looking for someone to practice your “thank you’s” on, start close to home. John Gottman, Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute of Seattle says: “Masters of relationships have a habit of scanning the world for things they can thank their partner for. People whose relationships go down the tubes scan the world for their partner’s mistakes.”
Please share your thoughts with us! What happened when you upped the level of thanks you expressed to people around you? Share your responses to the weekly discussion question on our forum: Community of Practice Forum
What are some of the most off-putting email subject lines? BBC News Hour commentator Lucy Kelloway says they include: “Please Read,” “Request,” and “Reminder.” She also ignores “Dear Colleague,” asking why she’d bother to read something clearly sent to all employees, which she would doubtless find out about anyway.
Kelloway insisted she would be quite likely to open an email entitled “orange chocolate biscuits.” Okay, sure. But we all know this kind of ruse will backfire unless orange chocolate biscuits are actually in the offing.
Assuming no desserts are involved, the best subject line, she concluded, was one that conveyed the entire message—so that opening the email wasn’t even necessary. And brevity is the soul of any effective email.
Please let us know: How do you get people at work to open your emails? Share your responses to this weekly discussion question here.
The current news story about bullying incidents in the Miami Dolphins franchise has taken some extraordinary turns. At first there was disbelief, even derision, surrounding the notion that that one burly pro football player could be bullied by another. “Why not just ‘man up’ and have it out?” much of the talk went. But as details emerged, the scope of the problem began to dawn. While there is surely much we do not know about this situation, there is one thing we do know. Professional football constitutes a workplace, and no one should be harassed or “bullied’ in any workplace.
Statistics vary, but some studies reveal that nearly half of all American workers have been affected by workplace abuse, either as a target of such behavior—from yelling, threats, and rumors to manipulative techniques such as isolation and sabotage of work performance—or as witnesses to abuse aimed at a co-worker.
It’s not clear if bullying is actually on the rise or if more people feel free to discuss it now that the phenomenon has come to light. We are relieved that these practices have emerged from the shadows so that those who are vulnerable will feel freer to express themselves.
Please let us hear from you: Have you been bullied or witnessed bullying in the workplace? What did you do in response? Share your responses to this weekly discussion question here.
No one likes being taken for granted, at home or on the job. According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, overwhelming numbers of employees are feeling mistreated on the job by their own co-workers. Consider how far the power of gratitude can go toward reversing lingering resentments.
Recognize, praise, and reinforce people you appreciate. Tell them how what they did made a difference. Remember that unexpressed gratitude is the same as ingratitude.
Please let us know: Think about a recent time you shared your appreciation for someone you work with. How did he or she respond? How does giving appreciation at work change the workplace environment? Share your responses to this weekly discussion question here.
In a study by Georgetown University and the Thunderbird School of Global Management, 96% of nearly 3,000 participants say they have experienced uncivil behavior in the workplace. Now organizations from Dish Satellite Corp to the NSA are following a lead set by companies like the employee-friendly Southwest Airlines, and implementing programs to improve civility among co-workers.
Warm and fuzzy time wasting? Not at all. Cisco Systems estimated the cost of employee incivility at $8.3 million annually and took action to counter the weakened commitment that resulted.
At the top of Georgetown U Professor Christine Porath’s list of rudeness-combating tips: Never criticize people behind their backs.
We agree. Everyone gets irritated with co-workers sometimes, but our belief is that if your frustration is great enough to vent to a third party, you need to discuss your issue face-to-face with the person concerned.
Please let us know: If someone comes to you with a gripe or complaint about someone else, what do you do? Do you get involved or send the individual back to the source of his or her concern? Do you ever enlist someone as your “sounding board” instead of going to the source of your concern? Share your responses to this weekly discussion question here.
One of the most dangerous myths in our culture is that vulnerability is a weakness..."Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never a weakness." We agree with Brené Brown, Ph.D., University of Houston researcher and author of The Gifts of Imperfection.
This is why we have often said that feeling descriptions like "angry," "frustrated," and "betrayed" don't work as well as "embarrassed," "inadequate," and "isolated." Although the first three might be easier to admit to, they lack vulnerability and the power that brings. Being vulnerable gives us the power to break through defensiveness by appealing to people's compassion. Then they can fully hear our concerns without feeling that they have to protect themselves from us.
We want to hear from you! What happened when you tried communicating your own vulnerability? Share your responses to this weekly discussion question here.
Still upset with your boss for not including you in an important meeting? Still annoyed at your neighbor for bringing baby back ribs to your vegetarian potluck? Your back may be suffering too! Researchers at Duke University Medical Center found that people who practice forgiveness experienced fewer feelings of anger, resentment, depression—and fewer aches and pains. “Our emotions, muscle tension, and thoughts can directly influence the strength of our pain signals,” explains researcher James W. Carson, Ph.D.
Grudges are not only bad for us physically, they don’t do much for us emotionally either. They hurt us way more than they hurt the person we are angry with. Start the process of giving up a grudge by setting an intention to do so. Encourage even the smallest feelings of forgiveness, and replace negative thoughts with reasons to let go. Ask yourself: How does it help me to hold onto this anger? Chances are you will come up short of a good answer.
We want to hear from you! What happened when you tried replacing anger and resentment with forgiveness? Share your responses to this weekly discussion.
What if you're working with someone whom you genuinely dislike? According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, our “biased expectancy” can create a self-fulfilling prophecy in any interaction you have with that person. In other words, because you don’t ever expect to respond positively to any idea they have—you won’t.
Ignoring the situation is unlikely to help. To break through your negative view and begin to improve the relationship, try initiating even casual dialogue. Let that person do most of the talking while you become a great listener. Make good eye contact, lean in, and ask questions. They will be drawn to you because of your interest in what they have to say—and you might even hear something that gets you to like them.
We want to hear from you! What happened when you tried this kind of casual curiosity with someone who you have typically not liked? Share your responses to this weekly discussion.